I just got back from the Love & Respect conference at Calvary Chapel Chino Valley. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his wife Sarah Eggerichs shared many thought provoking ideas on marriage. The main idea was this- If you want a successful Christ centered marriage, follow Eph 5:33, Husbands love and wives respect. Sound simple? WRONG.
It was a 2 day conference and I took notes like a mad woman (I felt like I was in Law School all over again...) and left totally blessed.
It's going to take a few days to separate my thoughts and blogs. I don't want to overwhelm anyone with information overload...so between 2 to 10 blogs or so should do it (LOL).
First thing I learned and loved:
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs said this repeatedly throughout the 2 day Love and Respect conference. He reminded us that men and women are different. Or as the Bible says, God created them Male and Female. Different in nature...Different in genetics...Different in preferences, Different ideas about how best to communicate, Different values, Different in EVERYTHING...
In fights, in arguments, in preferences, in opinions, male and female are not right or wrong.Just different...
Here's my personal take on this- (this is just a little sample of my marriage)
Chuck/Laura
Chuck-A man of few (but profound and insightful words) Laura-A Talker and Talker and Talker
Chuck-Likes relaxing quiet activities such as weight lifting and gardening Laura-Loves Disneyland and Places Where Lots of People Gather
Chuck-Likes Nice Things Laura-Likes Thrift Stores & Yard Sales
Chuck-Likes a few quiet minutes to unwind after work Laura-Likes to Talk Your Ear off RT NOW and any time or any place
Chuck-Likes Dining Out Laura-Likes Eating at Home
Chuck-Likes to Read the Word (Bible) with little distractions Laura-Likes Reading the Word
even if distractions are around (phone rings, toddlers around, etc)
Chuck-Likes to Spend Extra Money on Home Improvements Laura- Likes to Spend Extra Money on Vacations
Chuck-Likes To Keep the Car Clean Laura-Likes the Car to Serve as a 2nd
Home with every conceivable item like snacks, extra clothes, extra make up, available.
Chuck-Doesn't Drink Coffee Laura-Loves Coffee, hot, cold, blended, on ice, with sugar without sugar, YOU NAME IT (3-4 cups a day...)
Chuck-Likes Long Hair on His Wife(Me) Laura-Prefers Short Hair on Self (Smile)
Chuck- Likes Minimal Make-Up Laura-Likes to wear Red Lipstick
Chuck-Believes in Public or Private School Laura- Likes the Idea of Home School
What we Agree Upon:
Both Love the LORD AGREED
Worry about nothing, pray about everything AGREED
Husbands should be respected and wives loved AGREED
Seek First the Kingdom of God and all things will fall into place AGREED
Love Camping AGREED
Love to be Outdoors/Nature AGREED
Dr. Eggerichs said that opposites attract and then they ATTACK. Everyone laughs...But it's true. You (unintentionally) try to change the other person to get on board with YOUR VIEWS of things. This is not good and certainly not Biblical.
We as women, need to honor our spouses and respect them and respect that there are differences in male and female outlooks on life (God made us different remember?).
For example, it is wrong of me to vomit out all of the info from my day on my spouse when he walks in the door after a long and stressful day at work! We are working on this as he tells me, "OK Babe, tell me the short version of what happened today." I know that he is tired when he walks in the door and doesn't want to be bombarded with information overload. (I on the other hand want to talk).
I need to be understanding to him. I need to be respectful. As Dr. Eggerichs said, "My response is my responsibility." If Chuck is upset about something in my communication, it's not his attitude that needs to change, IT'S MINE. My response is my responsibility. I am not to try and change him or to analyze and figure out and disect why my hubby is upset. I am to take it to God in prayer, ask God to change ME and WAIT for Chuck to come and talk it out with me if he feels its necessary. Again, I need to be respectful in my communication with my husband.
Bottom line- Women and Men communicate differently. I am not wrong in being super talkative, just different from my more quiet husband. I need to remember that my response is my responsibility. Instead of annoying my spouse with long versions of things that happened during the day, I will give him the "cliff notes" version of the day. By understanding the very idea that story telling (for the speaker and listener) is inherently different for men and women, I will avoid conflict. (By the way, Chuck does listen to my long stories...He's so sweet about it and I always warn him when it's going to be a long story. I have learned over the years, and Dr. Eggerichs reinforced this point, that the moment he walks in the door is not the best time to give him a long story or illustration.)
Male and Female. Husband and Wife. Many conflicts...Who is right and who is wrong?
Neither are WRONG, just different.
Stay tuned. A lot more to share...
O man, I just laughed over and over as I read this.I should read this to My Hubby so he can identify and get a good laugh out of how someone can relate to me. I wrote something very similar to this awhile back. We have allot in common. This was great,and I'm so glad that you shared this. Gabe and I met in English class. He was an AP student, and I...copied off him. That's a snippet of how we met.
ReplyDeleteAMAZING! You need to lead a group!
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