14 is not just a number...

14 is not just a number
December 2 is a day we will never forget

14 is not just a number
The reality sinks in.
The horror resonates.

14 is not just a number
They were real they were human
They were moms and dads brothers and sisters friends co workers neighbors
They were artists, silly jokesters, brides to be, planning trips to Disneyland, enjoying Christmas ...living life, breathing alive and full of life
14 is not just a number
Now Bennetta, Robert, Damian,
Shannon, Nicholas, Aurora, Sierra, Tin,
Michael, Yvette, Larry, Isaac, Harry, and Juan are gone...
We pray
We grieve
We ask Jesus for His will to be done and His kingdom to come on earth as it is in heaven
We weep with those who weep
We ask for truth to be revealed that terrorism is to blame and evil is real
But God is bigger and He will judge
He will heal; He will bring peace
So as we celebrate the Prince of Peace on Dec 25, may we pause to reflect that 14 is more than a number and beauty will come from ashes will come ....but for now we ask God our  Father to scoop up these families with His everlasting arms ...and may His presence light up their lives at this dark time....

Pray Anyway

The attacks on Paris this month November 2015 really broke my heart as they broke the hearts of so many across the world. Something deep within our soul tells us we need to do something. The Holy Spirit is the seal of the guaranteed promise of heaven. God tells me in my spirit - this is what you should do- pray. I came across a statement by a journalist from Paris. To summarize he said that he kept seeing  #PrayForParis. He encouraged people not to pray. He said that the world has enough religion...

This once again broke my heart.
How many times have we hit rock bottom and turned to God in prayer?
Trials and difficulties cause us to look outside of ourselves and look up to God, our Father who can help.

Even though this man is so far from understanding that God loves him and awaits his prayers I did something I often do when I don't know what to pray...

PRAY ANYWAY.

Years ago I was speaking to someone I love (a relative) who backslid and fell heavily into drugs.
I told him- I love you and I'm praying for you.
He told me "don't pray for me"
Guess what I did?

I PRAYED ANYWAY.

See Satan doesn't want us to pray.
Satan wants us to stay stuck.
Satan wants us to look within. To think we can figure life out on our own (pride)

Think about it... If Satan can trick us into thinking "there is no point to prayer"
He gains major ground

Warren Wiersbe says "Satan's lie 'You will be like God' motivates and controls much of our civilization today. Man is seeking to pull himself up by his own bootstraps. He is working to build utopia on earth... Through education, psychiatry, religions of one kind or another (most of which ignore Jesus Christ, sin, and salvation) and better environment, men are defying  God and deifying themselves. They are playing right into the hands of Satan."
[Strategy of Satan, How to Defect and Defeat him.] Warren Wiersbe.

God wants us to know His will and part of that plan always includes prayer and reading the Word.

"We have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding. Colossians 1:9

Satan has influenced our culture so much that this man in Paris said "don't pray"
In fact, we often say "I guess all we can do is pray" as if that's not an effective tool.

Hebrews says we are to come boldly to the throne of grace to obtain mercy and help in our time of need.
We have a great need of God's grace...so why do we not pray and ask for help in our time of need?

Once again I like what Wiersbe says about Grace.

"our God is the God of all grace. The Holy Spirit who indwells us is the spirit of grace. Hebrews 10 verse 29. God's throne is a throne of grace Hebrews 4:16 and His word is the word of His grace Acts 20 verse 32 ...it is Grace from start to finish! God's grace is God's provision for our every need. Grace is not a mystical substance that God pours into us when we have a need Grace is God's bountiful supply of our every need."

So if you ever encounter a situation where someone tells you "don't pray for me" I encourage you to pray anyway. God will unleash great results when we come to him as babes seeking our Father's help in prayer.

Transparency- Let's Be Real

I had no idea!

When people hear about a suicide... 

They say "we had no idea he was going through such pain"

I had no idea!

I counseled with a women about to file for divorce after 40 years of marriage.

Forty Years...

It was depressing.

I had no idea!

"I don't know this man" she said after learning of some disturbing sin he was caught in.

I had no idea!

What is the problem?

Why are people failing to reveal red flags that they are trouble in such a deep way?

I am not an expert but here's what I believe is going on---

Lack of transparency

We often feel we need to wear a mask. 

I was thinking about this the other day in church worship-

"We'll be a church ready for you" 

But are we?

Are we a church ready for Christ's return ?

"Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready." Revelation 19:7 (NIV) 

Are we a bride -holy -virgin -waiting in excitement and anticipation decked out with our bridal clothes and jewelry?

Ready for the groom?

That worship song brought me back to a dream I had before I got married. I had a dream that I woke up late on my wedding day.

I had to put on my dress, fix my hair fast and my girlfriends were pushing me out the door...because the groom was waiting.

I was not ready...I didn't have my make up on!

I walked down the aisle and felt embarrassed. I didn't have the chance to apply my make up and truly look my best for my groom.

As silly as it sounds...I have never forgotten this dream.

See ...we have a face we all try to keep up with.

When others ask you "how are you?"

We give the general "ok" or "fine"

We are not real.

We don't tell the truth.

I'm hurting. 

OR

I just got bad news

OR 

My marriage is sour right now

OR

I feel distant from The Lord

OR

I don't know what's wrong, I'm just blue, can I get a hug?

No.

We lie through our teeth and make-up and say "I'm fine"

I'm asking God to break us of this.

I'm asking God to make us transparent and be real with each other...

To pray and fast for each other

To esteem others better than ourselves! (Philippians 2:3)

I'm asking Jesus to make us a bride ready for His coming

We can't keep walking around with wounds and suck it all in.

We need to be real with each other

How many marriages can use prayer from a true friend?

How many moms need a shoulder to cry on?

How many ladies who can't conceive need to weep and let it all out and pray and receive encouragement from another lady who has been through the same trial? (Romans 12:15)

We need transparency. 

We need to be the Acts 2:42 church. 

We need to become the house of prayer and a beacon of hope to the world. (Isaiah 57:7)

Let's be real and love people and say  "I had no idea you were hurting. But now I know and let's pray and let me share a verse that helped me" 

Raising Isaac, Life on a Saturday- Personal Notes after Reading Through the Eyes of a Lion

Saturday
If you recall there is a fun song by De La Soul with a hook singing "Saturday it's Saturday... Saturday it's Saturday" over and over again.

I remember the first time I heard this song. I was at a dance party with girl friends and yes, it was a Saturday.  
Fast Forward 15 years or so....

My son Isaac wakes up.

He has autism.

He says "School?" I tell him no not today. Then he says "Church?" "No son not today it's Saturday."

He knows routines. It's wired in him.

He wants to know what's going on this morning but the world is so confusing to him.

I tried to explain it but he just walked away confused. I imagine he's thinking "What's a Saturday? She did not answer my question. What is planned for today?"

Then after a few weeks. I explained the same thing...it's Saturday.
He said in the best way he could "itz Sah-uh-Day"
Yes!!
I was so thrilled he understood.
Saturdays we stay home.
We don't go to the bus and we don't get ready for church. We can sleep in because it's Saturday.

I just finished reading Levi Lusko's book "Through the Eyes of a Lion," I have deeper meaning for the time of life that is "Saturday..." In fact autism now for me is living in a perpetual Saturday.

For us as believers, when we celebrate the resurrection weekend, Friday is painful and it's the day of crucifixion. Saturday is a day of great sorrow for the believers. They are scared and bewildered they do not know yet that Jesus will rise from the dead (although He repeatedly told them He would)
And even if they did know and believed it had not happened yet. It was Saturday. (Pastor Levi Lusko shares this in his book) Sunday was coming but it was STILL Saturday.

When I was praying for Isaac to speak it was so painful.
He was 2 no words...3 no words...now 4 and still no words. Maybe I should teach him sign language.
Would words ever come?

I trusted God and His Word.

I treasured every verse that spoke of the mouth or the tongue or speech.
One day I found Psalm 51:15, unseal my lips that I may praise you (NLT)
That's it Lord!
You made Isaac's mouth!
If you desire him to speak it will be done.
And if he speaks may his lips praise You.
I realized speech was more than verbal communication.
God could help Isaac communicate whether or not he spoke verbally in English.

The waiting hurt.
My heart ached.
It was a Saturday.

I shared with a friend that I trusted God created Isaac and I knew it didn't matter that he had autism and he could go to heaven and be freed from all speech issues, developmental delays and social skill difficulties but NOW I struggled with today- Saturday. Raising a child with autism was going to be hard and I needed Jesus' help or I would not be able to do it.

Years ago Pastor Greg Laurie said our life is a "dash" we are born and then we die. How we live out our "dash" that is our time on earth will determine heaven or hell, for Jesus or against him. (Pastor Levi Lusko also references this in the book)

I trusted God would use Isaac and could heal him if He chose to, but again, today felt like any endless Saturday....waiting and waiting with little progress regarding communication.

When I read "Through the Eyes of a Lion" the section on Saturday it really struck me...
Living with Autism is like Saturday.
Yes Isaac does speak now (glory to Jesus) but it's still very hard.

ME- how was your day?
How old are you Isaac?
ISAAC- No response.

I am a communicative person. It's in my core! It's part of my identity! I'm a lawyer and also an intercessor whether I'm taking in a court room or to God in the throne room- it's what I do! I talk. But my son can't. Pain like a flood. Why can't the rapture just happen RIGHT NOW? I want heaven and to be with Jesus. I found I have a longing for Saturday to be over and for Resurrection Sunday to be here!

I often day dream  of what it will be like talking to Isaac in heaven. I picture him praising Jesus. I picture him unbound by autism- freely able to express himself.
I picture eye contact...where he looks at me and doesn't feel uncomfortable.
I imagine him telling me that he did understand the Bible studies, the worship time, the spontaneous praise we exhibited as a family.

See in many ways- we are all like Isaac, autistic in our thinking.

We know we are heaven  bound but we have earthly fixations and quirks so tied into our DNA, our sin nature that it's hard to focus. We want to pray to our ABBA and praise in a heavenly language but we can't because we have communication set backs...how can we use a earthly tongue to talk to a Holy Splendor magnificent Father?
(answer:With God's Spirit that's how)
But you get the point...

So here's my encouragement whatever trial you are in, or life circumstance, it feels like a depressing Saturday...
But your joy is a choice. Psalm 16:11

We have the Bible we know the whole story!

We don't have to lock ourselves in a room like the disciples did afraid of the soldiers.

We can boldly say! OUR STORY ISN'T OVER!
God is for me!
He brings beauty from ashes
Changes Sorrow to gladness
Wipes all tears
Weeps over Israel
Jesus Was the wounded savior acquainted with grief
And He can (and WILL) make all things new

If you tune in to the Spirit, hold fast to prayer, Praise and meditating on His Word...He may give you a glimpse of ---- SUNDAY

One day Isaac was about 4 and non-verbal.
I prayed over him and wept and asked God to show me how to pray and prayed Psalm 51:15 over Isaac.
God spoke to my soul, not audibly, but He spoke to me that Isaac would speak. My husband had a dream Isaac said "chips"
In fact Isaac's first word was bacon ...and the boy does loves to eat.

One of our favorite memories is Isaac saying bacon. One of the best days of my life...Chuck Olivia and I all in the kitchen and he said bacon! Truly I thank God for unsealing my son's lips! (he doesn't speak sentences and will probably ignore you if you come over our home...but he talks and I'm eternally thankful to God)

God does work all things together for good, (Romans 8:28, Gen 50:20) but you sure don't feel good about it on Saturday.

I recall a friend I know... she literally told God please take my life when she was giving birth to her first born because of the pain. The contractions.
We can chuckle about it now but birth  pains are excruciating.
I pray God helps you know we ALL grieve to be home in heaven. That's a huge point of "Through the Eyes of a Lion." Pain is real, Saturday is long, but live out your calling for God NOW because tomorrow is promised to no one.

Isaac is a beautiful boy and many times I don't even see the autism.

But it is very hard having to explain his behavior and live on egg shells whenever we go in public.

I could never equate raising a special needs child with what the Luskos family went through. I just hope through this blog to remind myself and others about the grief, longing and groaning we all should have for heaven. It's real and it will be glorious, but until them may Jesus "unseal" our lips that we may praise  Him.

Beware of the Pedestal

Pray for your Pastor

We all read those 4 words and say:
AMEN!

Our pastors are the men God has placed for such a time as this to be the leader and shepherd over the church. Each individual church with unique shepherds for a unique set of sheep.

We must pray for them. Paul asked for prayer "pray for me"
"Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel" Eph 6:19 (NIV) 

Prayer is something we must do ...

But something we shouldn't do is put pastors on a pedestal....

This reminds me of the lyrics of a Sherri Youngward song:

Pedestal
I held you so high on a pedestal
When you fell you had a long way to go
When you fell how was I to know
That I’d fall with you (Sherri Youngward)

A pedestal can be defined as a position in which someone is greatly or uncritically admired. Webster's gives this example:

"It's as if I'm on a pedestal and he worships me – I hate that"

Only God is to be Worshipped.

Of course!

We all know that. 10 Commandments 101 right?

“You shall have no other gods before me. Exodus 20:3

But why then do people put Pastors on Pedestals? (I've done it too! Admit it, we all have from one time or another)

One reason- we're Americans. 

We worship the CEO (Steve Jobs) the Athlete (Michael Jordan) the office (President of the USA)  

The musician(s) the Beatles, Madonna, Taylor Swift, Back in the day New Kids On the Block (oh no you didn't) the actor Brad Pitt, the Actress Angelina Jolie, etc etc. 

Even doctors are placed on pedestals! They are "the expert" .

Gods Spirit lives in ALL OF US. From the infant, the adult serving in the children's ministry, the usher, the greeter, the groundskeeper, the accountant, the people in the prayer room interceding for  you, the study and Pastor, the friend who just accepted Jesus 1 week ago, the married couple who have attended for 30 years, and everyone in between. The Pastor is a VERY important person in the body of Christ no doubt, but we can't take the TMZ Entertainment Tonight mentality to our Pastor. 

Oh Jesus help us! 

I have literally heard people say "did you know Pastor so and so got a new car?" 

Are you serious? 
Or people call to find out if the Senior Pastor is here on Sunday or out of town? 

Why is this even important? 

It's not. 

Pastors are leaders and we must pray for them encourage them and show them grace just like any other brother and sister in Christ...but we are not to place them on a pedestal like a Reality TV show star or athlete. 

God alone is to be worshipped. Not anything or any one else. 

One of my favorite Pastor Teachers is Jon Courson. When my husband  and I met him in person he was totally down to earth and "normal" and encouraging. 

Yes I took a photo with him (I had too!) because I felt like he was someone I've known all my life and finally got to meet in person...like a pen pal. I listen to searchlight constantly...But The Lord reminded me that it's not the man, Pastor Jon per se that I admire- it's God's Spirit in Pastor Jon ...guess what ...that Spirit is in me too. And in you as well. Pray for your Pastor, the Pastoral staff and all church leaders...and pray for the church that we will not be like the world ---viewing Pastors as Super-Men, because there's only one Super-Man, JESUS.  

Also search your heart. Maybe you have never put a Pastor on a pedestal, but you have put a spouse, friend, or other leader there.  That spot is reserved for Jesus. 

Deut 6:5 "You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might." 

Contentment

Contentment for me is...

I wanted to homeschool, God said no.
I wanted 4 kids, God said here's 2.

I thought I would work in a firm and juggle home and family, God said working from home is enough.

I wanted to go camping, and show my children all the fun I had when I was a child.  God said no...I'll find another way for you to enjoy the outdoors, just trust me.

I wanted to hear my son sing, God said you be his song.

I wanted to serve, God said sit awhile...

I wanted to pray, but there was no way to get there...so God said pray from home.

AND THEN...

He opened the door and said go.
He held my fearful hand and said grow....
Then when I looked up and saw His face...
I wanted nothing more.
No more me.
No more of my desires.
He was all I needed.
He was enough.
He was more than enough.
He was my family, my work, my time, my pleasure, my dream come true.

All that I am is content in I AM.

"I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Phil 4:12-13 (KJV)

The Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything I need. Psalm 23:1 (TLB)
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. Psalm 23:1 (KJV)

Christmas in July

The LORD put this on my heart on July 5...the day after America's birthday.

"It's Christmas in July"

Do you know how chaotic it gets during Christmas?
You start off really excited to celebrate Jesus' birthday.
But then you think about all the gifts you need to buy, the packages that need to be wrapped, the cookies to be baked, the tree needs to go up, oh yes and the lights inside and outside the home. The gift exchange at work (or with friends/family), the holiday meals to be prepared. You are exhausted just thinking about it...you forgot the true meaning of Christmas Charlie Brown!

What's Christmas really about? It's about Christ. (Isaiah 9:6, Luke 2:12)

So here we are in July. How is it Christmas in July?

My husband and I have talked and prayed and discussed so many times the recent Supreme Court ruling legalizing gay marriage.

The headlines...The news coverage...the rainbows on Facebook. It's every where!

As Christians...let's be honest. We do not know how to move forward from this....
We may think---Do I update my facebook status and say boldly - I DO NOT SUPPORT GAY MARRIAGE? What am I going to teach my children? How will this change TV? Will they make a Disney movie including two homosexuals that get married? Should I now homeschool my children? What do I do how do I react to people in public? Ahhh!!

Stop.

Just like during Christmas the enemy loves to distract us and get us "off topic" so to speak...the world and all the hype about gay marriage has gotten our eyes off the prize-
JESUS
And who is Jesus?
Alpha and Omega
Almighty God
Everlasting Father
Immanuel
Prince of Peace
Great I AM
Wonderful Counselor
Lord of All
El Elyon- God most High
Yahweh Nissi- Our Banner
Adonai-Lord and Master
and so much more. He is EVERYTHING.
The Everlasting God

Homosexuality is plain ole sin. Just like lying. Just like lust. Just like unforgiveness. The problem with gay marriage is how society views sin. (Romas 1:32- approval of sin is also sin)

We need to repent of it.
It's a heart issue...not a legal issue.

But do we have a 3 hour discussion about how the world views fornication as "OK" and in fact it is legal and living together man and woman has been "legal" for many years. No. Fornication is already acceptable in our culture. As believers, we choose to live set apart from the cultural norm and raise our children and practice purity until marriage- covenant Biblical marriage between man and woman. Yes we are living in a new normal but....

We need to put our focus on Jesus.
We need to keep Christ in Christmas and celebrate Christmas in July.
We need to pray for homosexual people and remember that Christ died for ALL sinners whom I am chief. (1 Timothy 1:15 NIV- Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners--of whom I am the worst)

The point God's Spirit reminded me is this- You can legalize sin. You can celebrate it. You can have a "pride parade" about it. But it's still sin and it's sin that Jesus died for. (Romans 5:8) The focus is NOT and shall not be the sin, or the sinner, the focus is JESUS, the healer and redeemer.

The focus, friends please...needs to be put back on Jesus!
Let's live for Jesus.
Let's be radical for Jesus.
Let's be so outrageously in love for Jesus that people gay, straight, young, old, blue, purple, illegal aliens, etc. will see Jesus in us and want HIM.
Don't you want others to want Him?
I do!
I want others to see Christ in me the hope of glory. (Colossians 1:27)
This world is dark and the days are evil.
We don't need to update our facebook status.
We don't need to put a bumper sticker and say "I'm mad about the SCOTUS ruling" No.
We do not need to do those things to show our loyalty to Christ and His Holy Word.

We need to show love. We need to live Biblically and radically.
Use EVERY opportunity to share the Gospel. The true unwatered down Gospel. (of course if we are approached we will openly say we accept the Bible's view of marriage man and woman only)

We need to live our witness and not compromise.
Our focus should not be on homosexual marriage, our focus should not even be on ourselves and how we think, the focus needs to be on JESUS!

Just like we need to remind ourselves in December to keep Christ in Christmas, we need to not grow weary in well doing, not faint, and keep Christ in July (and every month for that matter....)

Pray on.
Worship with all your heart.
Share your faith.
Be radical for Jesus.
It's HIS birthday we celebrate every day.

What I learned from my hydrangeas...

I love hydrangeas.
They are so beautiful.
They only bloom once a year....

To my sadness my hydrangeas in the backyard have not bloomed for a year. I couldn't figure it out. Too much sun? Maybe, my husband is the gardener not me...so I couldn't tell you what's wrong...but I look at them often....

I just enjoy looking at our garden and plants and stand in awe of God's beautiful creation.

This year The Lord taught me a lesson...

I looked at the plant and noticed a bloom! (remember they did not bloom last year...so it's actually been 2 years)

Just one bloom....the week of Mother's day ! I felt it was a bloom just for me.

What's different?
Same location
Same soil
Same amount of sunshine

What gives? Why did this plant bloom now and not last year?

The Answer- a lot of water. A constant drip. Water drops every day....

What I realized is as my son Isaac plays in the backyard, he constantly turns on the waterhose. The spout is not fully snug to the hose so the water drips directly into the hydrangeas.

The hotter it is outside, the more water play for Isaac.
The more water play, the more the hydrangeas are watered.

Jesus said if we abide in Him and His Word abides in us we will produce much fruit. Not some fruit but MUCH fruit.

JOHN 15:5

I am the Vine; you are the branches. Whoever lives in Me and I in him bears much (abundant) fruit. However, apart from Me you can do nothing. (Amplified Bible)


Here's the lesson I learned (and am still learning)

The hydrangeas were watered daily.
My son turned on the hose and the hydrangeas directly benefited from the water drops day in and day out.

This is the same as we drink of the living water- Jesus-- drinking water daily.
The water symbolizes:
Reading the Bible - daily
Praying - daily
fellowship/relationship/accountability - daily
thanking God- daily
Praising Him- daily
listening to Godly Bible teaching- daily

Sound monotonous?

No way!
Does your body need water daily? Of course.
In fact we need to drink water every few hours or we'll dehydrate.
Do I want to hear "I love you" from my spouse daily? Of course
Do I want to tell my spouse and children "I love you" and pray with them daily? Of course.

When my husband and I were newly married we frequently discussed this.

How do I know if my life is "bearing fruit?"

We decided to check in with each other and discuss to see how The Lord was working in our hearts and lives and what evidence of "fruit" could be seen.

Frankly, both of us felt disappointed.

We aren't living in the mission field, we aren't serving full time ministry, we are just two people married in college trying to build a life together. We love Jesus and learn more about God in our daily Bible reading but in the "fruit" area back in our early years....we felt like the green hydrangea plant, green yes, alive yes, but no real solid fruit or colorful flowers.

Well we were young and did not understand what fruit was and what fruit IS.

First, Galatians 5:22-23 teaches us the FRUIT of the Spirit is love, joy peace longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness and self control. Not FRUITS of the Spirit "Fruit"- singular. Love is the primary Fruit of the Spirit. Love is what our lives should reveal ...when we are abiding in the vine we should have an ever increasing evidence of love for God and love for His people.

A few months ago my honey and I had a talk and he said I can tell you are more in love with The Lord than when we first got married (16 years ago). He said and the reason is because you are in your Bible....

That's fruit!

When your child is being bratty and you hold your cool- THAT'S FRUIT
When you apologize first to your spouse instead of holding a grudge, that's fruit.
When you let go of the hurt that brother or sister "did you wrong" in the church and he/she was never called out...and you can pray for him/her with out any bad feelings, that's fruit
When someone gives you a call for a need and you PRAY FIRST talk to God about it before saying yes to the invitation, that's fruit.
When you turn off your phone and give your child all your attention and love on him, that's fruit.
When you wake up in the morning hungry to read the Word of God, that's fruit.
When you give and love someone without expecting anything in return, that's fruit.

Bottom line.

Like the hydrangeas in my backyard.... Drip drip drip.  It was watered a little bit every day for 365 days.
Consistency. Not religion or compulsion...but a daily intentional decision of the will to stay close to the vine, to get the water the branches so desperately need to bloom and reveal "Fruit."
Staying connected to the vine, thirsty for Living Water, staying thirsty for Jesus AND the Holy Spirit and seeking to magnify the Father's name you'll look back 16 years later and say wow Lord. I didn't do anything really. I just sat there being a plant and obediently read your Word, the Scriptures and lo and behold...BEAUTY brightly colored hydrangeas. Brightly radiant oranges, apples pomegranates! Fruit!

The fruit of Love will be produced in you as you stay connected to the water source of God's Word.
So you might think but I don't have 2 hours to sit and have a devotion.
I get it.
But do you have 5 minutes?
10?
15?
Just like the hydrangeas received just a few drips every day...it mattered.
"Every second you give to God is important" David Trujillo.

As you sit and drink, you'll notice you WANT MORE. You want to spend more time. You want to pray more. You want to talk about God with your spouse. You want to listen to Worship.
Drip, drip, drip.
You are staying close to the vine and you are staying hydrated.
Guess what else?
Hydrangeas are needy. It needs a lot of water and just the right amount of partial shade to bloom.
Just like us.
We are needy.
We can't hang in the heat of the day.
We need our shade, our refuge Jesus to shelter us.

Thank you Lord for teaching me through those gorgeous pinkish-purplish hydrangeas how much I need you! I thirst for you and I SO desire to bear fruit, MUCH fruit for you!

What I learned from a t-shirt at In N Out

You know when you're done with a road trip you just really want to get home?

However no amount of trail mix or chips or fruit can hold you over you just want to eat a real lunch??
On our way home from Zion Utah we stopped in Victorville at In N  Out. We usually do not eat inside we just take it to go in the car...(we go in and out!)

But this time we ate in the patio and there was a good reason!

As we sat down, 4 young girls sat near us...

4 young women in their early twenties. All beautiful... They began to talk and laugh and of course I could hear.... They discussed bars and what their favorite drinks were. One young lady had a t-shirt that read
"Mimosa Monday, Tequila Tuesday and Whiskey Wednesday"

My heart felt sad and my Spirit grieved. I need to talk to these girls!

Now I love talking about The Lord, encouraging people praying with others...
With Believers.
When it comes to talking to strangers about Jesus I get nervous.
I silently prayed for them and prayed for an opportunity to share.

I got up from my family and walked to the rest room ... I prayed Lord I feel you want me to share with these girls but what do I say? "Jesus loves you." And walk away? Do I point out the t-shirt? Holy Spirit lead me. I walked into the eating area and Olivia is there "Mom they called our number . Our food is ready." Oh well ... I guess I lost my chance (good the flesh said... You're off the hook) "No! I need to obey ! I prayed in the Spirit. Olivia's just going to have to come with me"

"Liv let's get the food and you come with me. The Lord wants me to talk to these girls"

What do I say Lord what do I say???

Then the Holy Spirit reminds me- the t-shirt!!! The girl's t-shirt!

"Hi! Can I ask where did you get that t-shirt?"
She answers  and says the store name...
I said "when I saw your shirt, it made me really sad. My dad died the day after Christmas from drinking. I just wanted you to know that Jesus is the living water you are looking for. You are all beautiful and God loves you."

Oh ok thank you... One girl said. Another girl did not look pleased but she simply stood quiet.

I had some flyers for a young women's conference in
My purse and I gave them one each.

I walked outside and shared with Chuck. He prays "Lord I pray whatever my wife shared with those young girls it would be received and they would come to know you"

I share this not to boast. In fact, these are completely awkward moments for me.
I debated whether or not to share this at all...

But today I realized it's important to share this t-shirt story because-
-it was a random day, Friday
-it was a random city- Victorville
-it was a random place, In N Out
-it was a random group, four young ladies
-it was a random t-shirt with a message
But the message I was impressed to share was not random. In fact it is the power of God to salvation (Romans 1:16)

see this event was a divine appointment.
I have seen alcohol kill people.
I am a young lady too.
I like In N Out.
I like fashion and it was natural for me to approach them with a clothing question.
It was a divine set up!

My husband pointed out that this girl will probably remember my conversation with her every time she puts on that shirt... God will remind her that while those alcoholic drinks can lead to alcoholism and kill, Jesus is living water and He gives life. (John 10:10)

Jesus went out of His way to meet up with the Samaritan woman. It was a divine set up, not a random coincidence. (John 4:1-42)

I almost walked away. When I saw Olivia's little face I immediately thought... I lost my chance to share. But the Spirit pressed me...NO- don't walk away. Share now!

What I learned from that t-shirt  at In N Out is this- STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE. Be bold because the young people today need Jesus. Have a church flyer, gospel of John or other witness tool with you if the opportunity comes. Don't let anything get in the way of sharing , not even your burger or child because the enemy will use anything to get you to NOT speak up...let's do this! Let's be about our Father's business and allow the Spirit to lead us to seemingly weird places for people that are ripe to receive the Gospel.  (Luke 10:2)

What I learned from the girl at the MAC Counter...

What I learned from the girl at the MAC counter...

It was my birthday and thanks to a generous husband I was instructed to go to Nordstrom and buy something nice. 

I bought shoes... 

But first stop I went to the M.A.C. counter. 

I had enough used M.A.C. Items to get a free lipstick (via their recycle program) would she think I was ghetto for not actually buying anything? Wait! Who cares! Recycling is good and it's my birthday. I drop it all down...giving up my recycled compacts to get a free lipstick. 
She told me she liked the color of my dress, a cobalt blue... 

 Then that's when I learned a lesson.  

She said she owned a dress the same color and never wore it. The designer was someone special and the dress cost $2,000. "I can't bring myself to wear it! It's the same color as yours... It's beautiful I love it but it still has the tag on it" 

I thought about this conversation for a few weeks and it finally hit me.

 The Lord is teaching me this--- 

Don't save your life, SAVOR it.  

 What does that mean? 

Jesus said whoever saves his life will lose it...

For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will save it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? (‭Mark‬ ‭8‬:‭35-37‬ NKJV)

We  find ourselves saving things for "just the right moment" only to find that moment never comes. 

We get grumpy when things don't turn out quite right or worse, we get bitter and mad at God. 

You see, that young woman  at the MAC counter was beautiful and sweet. The dress is just a dress but she thought it was so valuable because of the monetary value.  I thought ... How sad! Just wear the dress and stop waiting for something and live for today!

Like Pastor Sandy Adams shared recently, our priorities are out of wack. We place significance on things that don't matter and not enough significance on what does! 

Think for a moment of a friend or relative that you love and cherish... You love going to his/her home. I guarantee this friend has a generous spirit about her or him. She loves to make you feel at home, gives you little treasures to make you feel special. Or maybe the friend or relative gives of himself. Always building you up. Praying for you encouraging  you giving you that precious commodity - time... Listening time. 

See people that give of themselves Savor life. Don't save..... give away. Use that fancy dress. Wear the expensive perfume. Take your kids to the beach and don't care about the mess in your car after. Treat your wife special and don't worry about the bill.  Treat your husband special and don't care about the dishes. 

Don't save your life lose it.
Don't save your life SAVOR it.
That's what Jesus did... he gave it all and we should too!  

Savor means - taste (good food or drink) and enjoy it completely. God wants us to taste and see that HE is good! His Word is food and water ....His presence is fullness of joy! Let's savor life and not save things ...may God adjust our priorities. 

Thank you MAC lady... You and your blue dress taught me something with the Holy Spirit's help of course! 

But God Knew...

But God knew... 

          I didn't know I would have child with a label called autism...

I didn't know mothering a special needs child was part of God's plan for me... 

But God knew ...

I thought I knew what it meant to "Lean Not on my own understanding ..."

I thought the world was pretty black and white with God in the center

But God knew 

I thought I knew what a spectrum was....but I didn't know 

When I was little I felt God tug at my heart telling me I had a lot of love to give...but I didn't know He would choose me to raise Isaac

I didn't know... But God knew

I didn't know my dream of becoming a lawyer would make a way so I could stay home and be there for my special needs child... I didn't know 

I didn't know I would marry a man with strength and integrity and devotion to Jesus and our family and that devotion would get our marriage through anything... Even autism 

I didn't know but God knew... 

I didn't know what pain really was... 

            But God knew ...He pinned it to the cross

           I didn't know what fervent prayer and fasting was

          I didn't really know...until the journey with Isaac

          

          I didn't know what it was like to have strangers stare at you.....

to have strangers look and glare at your child... I didn't know

          But God knew

          

         God knew perfectly well Isaac would be different when he was forming him in my womb.. God knew            perfectly well when I prayed and I cried "Use me Lord. Use me. I'll go where you call me to. I'll do what you ask" He would answer and say, "You don't have to go any where or do anything... Just be            Isaac's mom and use your son to point the world to mine...point to My Son Jesus."

          

         I didn't know but God knew. He always does 

Throw Away the Balance- It's all Mine

The Lord speaks during worship.
Whether you are asleep and wake up at night thinking of the Lord.
Whether you are reading your Bible and meditating on Him.
Whether you are lifting your hands in praise singing in church...
We should always be ready to hear from the LORD.
Like little Samuel heard his voice "Samuel, Samuel..." "Speak Lord your servant is listening"
(1 Samuel 3:10).

A few weeks ago I was having a sweet time of worship...
I sang and poured out my hearing..
I prayed a familiar "Laura" prayer...(you know those personal prayers we all have...where we ask God to help in an area of our life we are lacking)
"Lord, please help me have balance. Please help me"
I felt the LORD respond.
Stop.
Stop asking me for balance...IT'S ALL MINE.

I wasn't quite sure what this meant...so I waited on Him to reveal it and explain it to me.

For years (I do mean YEARS) I have been praying and asking the LORD to help me have balance.
I have my family, home/house responsibilities, work part time, love to pray with people in need, Bible studies, Isaac's ABA Autism therapy, time with my daughter (she needs it...she endures a lot as the big sister of a special needs child), writing encouragement, grocery shopping, take out the papers and the trash (ha, ha, ha....remember that 50s song) etc.

My list.... your list is unending...There is so much to do and only one me.

I am not organized so I constantly give it to the LORD. Help me with balance and help me get organized LORD.

But on that evening in March, God said STOP. Stop asking for balance, it's all mine.
If the disciples asked Jesus to teach them how to pray. I can do the same. When God through His Holy Spirit is leading me to pray a different prayer..I should want to listen and obey. (Luke 11:1)

When the Holy Spirit leads you...the directive may often seem strange...
Like God asking ...well NO He was not asking....He was instructing Jonah to go to Ninevah...it seemed strange to Jonah (as some of us are learning in the Jonah Bible Study at CCCV) Jonah 3:2

So the LORD directing me to throw away the balance seemed strange to me...but I want to obey His instructions even when I don't fully get it...

Throw away the balance....It's All Mine...

It's all mine. What are you trying to say LORD?
The LORD is El Kanna- a jealous God. For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God. Deut 4:24 (NIV)

God wants to invade and permeate ALL areas of our life.
He wants ALL of it.
Like we may have learned as a child "He's got the whole world in His hands"
The earth is the Lord's and everything in it. 1 Corinthians 10:26 (NIV)
The earth is the LORD's and the fulness thereof; the world, and they that dwell therein. (KJV)

So when God says "It's all mine" he's not being rude or demanding...He's just speaking Truth to my heart, He speaks Truth to yours too.

We understand this in the area of giving. We give to the LORD because all we have belongs to Him and we thankfully and generously want to give back to His kingdom purposes....

But when it comes to time management....we forget (at least I do) this concept.
When God spoke to my heart telling me to throw away the balance...I felt freedom. Freedom to let go of my preconceived notion of what a "balanced life" means.
Think of it this way....
As a mom, is grocery shopping important? More important than doing devotions? Or taking your kids to the park on a nice day to get some energy out? Or is it more important to go on a date and let grandma watch the kids? How do we juggle all of this in one day?
Or maybe a person is a teacher. You have instruction time, then you want the students to have open discussion/dialogue and you also want them to be able to work in groups. Which is more important?

IT'S ALL IMPORTANT.

That's why God's Word so wonderfully tells us if we trust in the Lord with all our heart and lean not on our own understanding in ALL our ways acknowledge Him, He will direct our paths. Prov 3:5-6.

"Mommy are you stressed?"

Olivia asks me this sometimes when we are running a little late on the way to her school.
I tell her no baby I'm not stressed, we just need to get passed this high school morning traffic and we are free. Who does't get a little stressed by traffic?

I used to get so upset driving 2 hours to work in LA court (not that often...maybe 1 time a month, but it still made me upset).

This is such a waste of time! I would think. All this traffic. I have laundry, I have client phone calls. I could be working on my Bible study and instead....sit...sit...crawl...crawl on the 10 freeway parking lot.

Then one day I felt so convicted. I always listen to KWVE 107.9 during my drive. The LORD reminded me...those 2 hours were not a waste! You were being fed the whole time....
This blessed my heart. When and where else would I sit for 2 hours without the children or other distractions during the morning and just soak in all of those teachings?

Another time..again...driving...KWVE was not coming on! (only static) Now what do I do? I am driving frustrated to begin with but I love listening to praise and teachings and now it's static? Ugh! The LORD said, why don't you turn off the radio and just pray....Oh what a joyous time I had talking to the LORD, sharing my heart and pouring out my thanks and my concerns and just talking to Jesus...

God is teaching me the life we live on this earth really is ALL His. We can't put this certain activity as more spiritual than another. Being a mom is just as important to God as finishing my Bible study. Going to the grocery store? I could run in and do my errands and never think about the LORD. Or, I could say Father help my attitude. Help me see all of these errands as important and you have a plan for me. Help me prioritize my to do list and if there is anything there that's not of you....help me let it go.

I have had moments when I have 300 hundred things to do and I get an interruption...a phone call or text someone needs prayer. (not literally 300....but you know that feeling!)

I could go about my day and ignore the phone call or text message...Or I can ask God through His Holy Spirit to lead me.

We pray something so beautiful in the women's prayer room. "LORD multiply their time"
What this means is this....the women that sacrifice their time to attend intercessory prayer have things to do as wives and mothers....We ask God to bless them for the sacrifice and for their willingness to come and pray for the church and for others in need. We ask God to multiply their time for the gift of time they have given to His kingdom. Guess what? He ALWAYS does. Always!

Not a balanced life...but a God directed life. That's what I am praying for now.

Pray with me!
Help me, lead me, guide me Holy Spirit to do what God would have me do for the day...direct me LORD teach me LORD because every minute of the day IS YOURS. You are right God when you say "It's all mine". You are so right! You are a jealous God and you desire not just my devotion and my heart, but you desire my surrender of my time and my agenda for the day...Your agenda is always better...Forgive me for trying to juggle everything in my own strength and neglecting your Holy Spirit as you guide my day here and there. I want to live the Spirit filled life and if that means throwing away my idea of what I think it means to have a balance...so be it! In Jesus Name Amen!

I don't want to talk about hypocrisy

"I bet you're going to lose your voice again." My husband tells me before I leave to the women's retreat. "No I'm not honey. I don't talk that much." I return with a raspy voice and he laughs at me. "You did it again, you lost your voice from talking." I always tell people " I'm a share-er" I love the Lord I love my family I love encouraging others and praying with others. What better way to share your thoughts than through the beautiful communication of speech that God has given us?

Well at the women's retreat I learned there's something I don't really want to talk about but needs to be discussed.

It's hypocrisy.

This subject came up many times both in the teachings and also in casual conversation in the rooms. There's one thing we can all agree on. No Bible reading-Jesus loving-Christian wants to be called a hypocrite. However hypocrisy can easily creep in the church. There are too many examples that we see and it breaks my heart. There are far too many people saying "I am a Christian" and their behavior completely contradicts all that Christ taught. Stop!! We need to ask ourselves am I really a Christian?

Jesus said you will know them by their fruit. (You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Matt 7:16 NLT) 
We all know this scripture you will know them by their fruit or by their love.

So what's going on?

Many people go to church and publicly identify themselves with the Christian faith only in the level of community. They may pray in Jesus name or go to a Christian church once in a while but the reality is --- they are not in love with Jesus.

One of my favorite musicians is Keith Green. He said going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than going to McDonald's makes you a hamburger. He goes on to say a Christian is defined as "someone who is bananas for Jesus." Someone who loves God with all his heart all his soul and all his mind. That's not the end. The Christian loves his neighbor as himself. (Luke 10:27)

Yes it's a tall order ...but it's what Jesus said. Jesus said love God and love people those are the greatest two commandments.

So what's up?

I see people all the time contemplate divorce and then follow through with divorce (some have Biblical grounds others might not...that's another blog for another day) just the other day I was in family law court and I saw a man with a large NOTW "not of this world" tattoo. It was so large and cool. I thought wow this man must be a Christian and look how bold he is with that tattoo. Then the next moment I remembered "hey wait a minute...I'm in court! This man should not be in a conflict with his ex wife in court! These two people standing up there couldn't make it as a married couple....and in fact they probably hate each other."

Maybe they were nice to each other during the break up. Maybe the divorce went smoothly and there was a valid biblical reason for the breakup.. I don't know.

But what I do know is seeing that tattoo made me sad.

So many people are concentrating on the outside and neglecting the inside. Jesus called the Pharisees whitewashed tombs. Why? He called them this because they looked clean, white and shiny and holy on the outside but in the inside there was death. There was decay. (Matt 23:27)

In the book of Ezekiel the prophet says that there are dead bones that God can make alive again. He can take a heart of stone and make it a heart of flesh. What is lacking?? Why is there so much hypocrisy? Why are there so many people that say they are Christian but are not living the Christian life.
(18"When they come there, they will remove all its detestable things and all its abominations from it. 19"And I will give them one heart, and put a new spirit within them. And I will take the heart of stone out of their flesh and give them a heart of flesh, 20that they may walk in My statutes and keep My ordinances and do them. Then they will be My people, and I shall be their God.…Ezekiel 11:18-20)

The reading of the Word and obedience to the Spirit are lacking in many believers' lives.

Here's another word I don't like to talk about- Discipline.

Many people want to have a fit body. People want to look good in their clothing. But they don't want to diet and exercise. We all know the way to a healthy lifestyle is to eat right and get exercise. Nobody wants that. Everybody wants a quick fix a diet pill an injection a surgery. People want the easy way out. Results without effort. This idealogy has creeped into the walk with Jesus. We desire instant holiness. Instant answers to prayer. Instant maturity. God does not work this way! He works on His timing not ours!

During the women's retreat I heard a recurring theme. I heard a word I do like to talk about - Devotion. We need to have our devotion time with God. We need to guard it. We need to have morning devotions. We need to have devotions in the car. We need to have devotions with our kids. We need to have devotions with our spouses. We need to pray and we need to seek the Lord...and results will not happen instantaneously....but they will happen. God is not into quick fix (as Inga-Lill Guzik shared) He is into digging deeper.

I've been reading a book that's called " What happens when Women pray." In fact there's a whole chapter or section dealing with the trials and testing's and difficulties that often come when we put these type of disciplines into action. When we start praying for people (intercession) when we start putting God first we will be attacked. We will experience deep deep difficult things. But the trials deepen our faith, not lessen it. That is we can CHOOSE to let trials rob us of joy, or we can CHOOSE to praise God in spite of the trials.

Outward Christians are really modern day hypocrites. As those in the skateboard community would say they are "posers" and they hurt people. I'm not hyper spiritual or claiming perfection. I have been a hypocrite too! A hypocrite simply means one who wears a mask- acting one way but professing belief in something else.

One woman shared with me how she encouraged another woman to get in the Word to help her through life. "Meh" was the response. In other words, I don't need to read the Bible. I just need to look like, talk like, walk like a Christian...but I don't need to really, really be one. I started crying. How can we be Christian if we don't read Christ's love letter? When we read the Gospels over and over again is it boring? Is it a chore? Is it a routine? If it is to you...PRAY and ask God to revive your heart. Debby Bryson says we should eat, sleep, drink, the Gospels and I couldn't agree more.

Many of these people (let's call them outward professing Christians) sadly are not reading their Bibles and they aren't taking time to pray. They have exchanged love for duty. This is not a judgment ...this is just a sad reality. In fact, the Bible even speaks about this....

You have patiently suffered for me without quitting. Yet you have forsaken the love you had at first. Look how far you have fallen! Turn back to me and do the works you did at first. If you don't repent, I will come and remove your lampstand from its place among the churches. Rev. 2:3-5 (NLT)

And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold. But he who endures to the end shall be saved Matt 24:12-13 (NKJV)

Marie Rosales shared on Love at the 2015 women's retreat. She said very clearly and simply for us to be careful. She said, "ACTIVITY CAN REPLACE DEVOTION."

Wow. This summed up what I had been pondering. These people that are breaking the hearts of God and hurting other Christians and not being a good witness to non-believers. They are choosing to be  Christian "outwardly" in activity, but they are NOT Christian in devotion. Activity has replaced Devotion. We must be careful too lest we should fall. This is a warning to all of us!

Even Andy Mineo says in one of his songs (on the Neverland LP) that he goes all around the world singing about Jesus and talking about Jesus but he must not neglect to talk "TO JESUS." Did you catch that? We can get caught up in "Jesus activity" that we forget about Jesus. Activity can replace devotion and that's when we become- GULP hypocrites or have a hypocritical spirit.

These are heavy duty lessons. But before we walk around looking at people squinting in our mind thinking "Is that person really a Christian? REALLY a Christian in their heart?" that's not our job. Our job is to LOVE. Jesus told Peter You follow me. (John 21:22) Get your eyes of "that person" or "that girl" or "that marriage" that might be struggling and plain and simply follow Jesus. Like Keith Green said, just going to church doesn't make you a Christian....we need to guard our hearts against activity that replaces devotion.

Help us LORD to not be so busy doing your work we forget YOU are the reason for the work, the reason we live and move and have our being. Help me LORD to recognize when I am so caught up in activity that I neglect devotion and intimacy with you.

Breathe! (sigh of relief)
I did it. I blogged about hypocrisy...I didn't want to touch this touchy subject...but only by Christ's strength He led me to write this... But in reality...this blog is really about love. Keeping our love for the LORD first always. (Matt 6:33) That's the best way to guard against having a hypocritical spirit or hypocritical actions.
Love.
Love God, love people and we can only do this with the Word, prayer and the Spirit's help. Period.

Not Ruled by Emotions

Not Ruled by Emotions- Isaac's 7th birthday

I remember my son's 5th birthday so vividly. I was excited for his party but extremely sad about this reality-- he'll start kindergarten this year and he's still not speaking sentences. He is still noticeably behind in many areas. He still has autism. I remember crying and crying...sobbing and praying. I let it all out. Then wiped my tears and begin the party prep. I got through the day and although I knew I was blessed ....I had a lump in my throat all day and all year. Fast forward to year 7. Jan 2 2015 Isaac turns 7. We had a great day! At the end of the day I gasped. Lord thank you I wasn't sad today! We got through his birthday and I felt fine. My boy is 7 years old and I couldn't be more thankful. You have done miracles in him. He has autism but that's ok. I was content. "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances" God got me through another birthday and I didn't get sad, cry and weep about autism. In fact this was the first year we sang happy birthday and he didn't cover his ears (because of overstimulation, sensory overload) He smiled as we sang and he blew out the candle.

Part of the journey of autism is the parent's journey. God wants my joy to be constant not circumstantial. In His presence is fullness of joy. Psalm 16:11

So whether Isaac is having a good day or bad day a good week or bad week I must choose to not let my emotions rule me.

Proverbs 4:23 (KJV)
Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. (NLT)

This 7th birthday was a victory. Jesus (not autism and not my emotions) was winning! Jesus was giving me the hope I needed for the day. "It's ok God that Isaac is a year older and is still behind in many areas, I'm going to focus on Your goodness on your steadfast love on your Arms that carry me through, I'm not going to let my emotions take me to the island of sadness I'm going to dive in the ocean of grace ...I'm going to stand with my arms lifted high and my battle armor on! I'm a wounded warrior but today I can have some rest because God helped me through another year and God chose me to raise Isaac so instead of a pity party I will rejoice!" This is the day The Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24 He turned my mourning into dancing! Psalm 30:11 I will praise Him for Isaac is fearfully and wonderfully made! Psalm 139:14

Don't discount these days of victory. Write it down, tell a friend, blog about it, deflect the glory back to God because He's working and that's victorious!