There's No Card for That...

It grieves my heart deeply to get a text or phone call from a friend

"He was caught cheating...AGAIN"

They have cards that say:

Happy 50th birthday

Happy 1st Birthday, Look who's Turning 1

Congratulations on Your Retirement

Congratulations on Your New Home

Sorry for the Loss of Your Pet...

but there are no cards for adultery...

"Sorry For The Sudden Gut Check, Your Spouse is Cheating AGAIN"

Although I handle family law divorce cases for work, I never get accustomed to this type of news...

I can imagine it is similar to a brain cancer doctor, the reality brings sadness all over again.

Why?

It is not supposed to be this way.

God created marriage male and female, a covenant for life.

I remember a beautiful friend of mine called for prayer over her marriage.

I do not know what it was about this specific situation but I kept thinking over and over, you can't just run to the courthouse and divorce your child, you can't run to the courthouse and file a petition to divorce your mom, but people so easily and flippantly break their covenant to divorce their spouse.

For others the choice is not flippant at all; Some people pray and fast and wait years before deciding to file for divorce.

Others wait and wait for a change, a breakthrough.

There is no amount of love, nurturing, drop-dead gorgeous looks that can make a spouse remain faithful.

Every human heart is sinful and wicked. (Jeremiah 17:9)

People that choose to remain loyal and NOT break their covenant of marriage and stay sexually committed to their spouse only, often have the help of a third party.

The Holy Spirit.

Oh come on Laura. (you may be thinking) Lots of Christians get divorced and they have the Holy Spirit too.

Yes. You are correct. Sadly, you are correct.

However, a Christ centered, Biblically based marriage with moment by moment dependence on the Holy Spirit, and lots of prayer and sacrifice has a very strong chance of sustaining the marriage for the long term, for life...

We often neglect the Holy Spirit in our marriages.

We know we need God's Spirit and discernment whether to take on a new job.
We know we need God's Spirit on deciding to go on a missions trip.
We know we need God's Spirit when serving in ministry.

We neglect the Holy Spirit in the day to day workings of our marriage.

We nag instead of praying.
We feast instead of fasting.
We complain instead of offering thanksgiving.
We vent to friends instead of pouring out our hearts to our spouses.
We have fun dates with our "besties" instead of spending a little bit of money on a babysitter to go on a much needed date night with our spouse.
We invest in our kids' activities and neglect to ask our spouse "How was your day?" or "How can I pray for you?"

We are selfish and stubborn instead of submitting.
We do not surrender our way and we hold grudges.

And so on...

I read a quote that less than 1% of regularly praying couples divorce.

Gasp!

Could that be true?
I do not know how accurate that is.
However, I know a friend of mine shared
"Praying with your spouse is hard because you are completely naked"

That statement stuck with me for weeks. She is right.

When you pray with your spouse (I'm not talking about traveling mercies or for your food) and let your guts out, you truly reveal all of your deepest concerns to God, your spouse hears your heart.

What does scripture say?
The effective fervent prayer of the righteous avails much.
James 5:16-17

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered
1 Peter 3:7 

This verse always blows my mind.

"That your prayers may not be hindered"

Could it be prayers in the home are hindered because husbands and wives are not seeking the LORD together?

Could it be that revival and fresh power from the Holy Spirit would fall afresh on us all if husbands and wives prayed together frequently and fervently?

Could it be that walls would fall if couples stopped venting to their friends and instead broke down in humble, honest, transparent prayers to God together?

Dwelling together speaks of unity.

Peace with God, peace with man, peace with husband and wife....Shalom, Shalom.

God wants marriages to stay together. My heart breaks each time I hear of another couple that call it quits because of adultery, porn, or other reasons.

I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist, pastor, or minister.

I am a little girl with a big God who believes God's Word is just as relevant today as it was thousands of years ago. I know God wants to bring revival in homes, and we know revival starts with prayer.

Oh Father, we are grieved for the things that grieve Your heart. You desire men to dwell with their wives with understanding so prayers are not hindered. If there is a road block in the home, if there are walls causing disconnection in communication, please intervene Holy Spirit. Like a rushing Mighty wind breathe life into marriages that are near failure. You God designed marriage to be a picture of Christ and His bride the church. Please Lord do something!
Please God help the marriages that are on life support. Please use the conviction of the Holy Spirit and help husbands and wives to turn off their TVs, phones, and even ministry or sport activities to pray and seek you together.
Lord we need your help.
Marriages are hurting.
You designed marriage and you know what is lacking. Please inspire us to walk in the image of Christ with humility and openness and fervent prayer.  Do something fresh and new in the husbands and wives who are truly hopeless today.
Remove hearts of stone and replace them with hearts of flesh.
Only you Jesus can make all things new.
Asking in the Mighty Name of Jesus, Amen.

Joy in the Journey

I heard this amazing statement:
"Trying to control outcomes kills joy"

True.

I had a conversation with my husband about this and he said:

"You must have joy in the journey."

This speaks volumes to my soul.

As an autism mom, I have had many moments when I feel exasperated in the journey.
When is this season going to end?

I have asked myself how can I get through the day?

I know the long term outcome will be good, I know Isaac will go to heaven. I know Jesus is good and He will work all things together for good. (Romans 8:28)
I pray.

"I am tired dear God and I am struggling to find joy in this season.
I cannot find joy today.
I am sad and blue. Help me Jesus remember for the joy set before You, You chose to go to the cross"

We sing:

"Restore unto me, the joy of my salvation"
Psalm 51

How can one lose the joy of her salvation?

Many of us are familiar with Psalm 51.

David's joy tank ran low because he was in sin.
He sinned against God by having Uriah killed, lying about it, cheating with Bathsheba, etc.

God sent Nathan to give an illustration to David and prompt David's to desire to repent and get right...
David needed to get right with Yahweh.

This is not always the case.

We are not always low on joy because we are in sin.

Maybe just maybe...
We are struggling with depression and we cannot pinpoint what is causing this loss of joy.

You might feel like a leaky balloon, draining helium and getting flat...losing joy but not completely.

Or, maybe just maybe, you are low on your joy tank because you have been looking at Facebook or Instagram and you do not know why you are melancholy.
You go to sleep with thoughts like
"I wish my husband would bring me flowers 'just because' as my friend received today"
"I wish my child got A's in school, instead of hanging with the wrong crowd"
"I wish I could afford a Hawaii vacation like Mrs. Smith went on."

Jealousy kills joy.

This is tough to swallow, but it's true.
You look at Instagram and Facebook with good intentions but slowly and surely you feel bothered, then sad, then grumpy and then your joy is popped like a bubble.

Jesus =JOY

Jesus, Others, You (J.O.Y)

Sometimes (more often than not) you need

JESUS, Pray for Others as the Spirit leads and skimp on you...

What?

If my joy tank is on low, shouldn't I focus on self help?

Maybe yes, maybe no.

I find the greatest way to restore my joy is praise and thanksgiving.

With an open Bible and wide open heart, read God's Word and let His love song sing over you.

Remind your soul who is the Boss- Yahweh, the Great I AM.

As you read God's Word, confess your funk- confess your funky attitude.

"God I love you. You laid down your life Jesus. So why do I feel so down?
Why am I dry? Why am I drab? Why during this season of spring do I feel like a gray overcast day?
Lord show me! Introduce me to me. Search my heart Oh God and see if there is any wicked way in me. See what is wrong. Show me! Show me my unrighteousness and clear the path so your joy can fill me up again. Maybe Abba the problem has been a complaining spirit. I have been grumbling and complaining and not obeying! Why have I not stopped to say thank you? Lord help me have a heart that is grateful, open and obey you the first time as your Holy Spirit shows me!"

Then put on a worship song. Choose an old familiar song. Choose a song that you used to sing when you first got saved. Let the LORD use your tongue and song to raise a hallelujah in the midst of your leaky joy.
Watch what He will do!
He will lift you up.

There is no formula or routine with the LORD. God may use this (or some other quiet time) to lift you up. Another day He may use a quiet time at the park. Another time He may use a quiet time at night. He may use a prayer warrior to pray over you.

We cannot put God in a box.

We must surrender all and confess our joy-less-ness.
Remember, joy is not happiness.

We can have joy in the midst of pain, suffering or gray grumpy days.

We can pray like Habukkuk:


O Lord, I have heard Your speech and was afraid;O Lord, revive Your work in the midst of the years!In the midst of the years make it known;In wrath remember mercy. (Habukkuk 3:2)

Though the fig tree may not blossom,Nor fruit be on the vines;Though the labor of the olive may fail,And the fields yield no food;Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,And there be no herd in the stalls—Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,I will joy in the God of my salvation.The Lord God is my strength;He will make my feet like deer’s feet,And He will make me walk on my high hills. (Habukkuk 3:17-19)

Let's ask our Father to give us joy in the journey...

A Picture of Prayer

Judge’s chapter 13 

Picture of prayer 

When you read through Deuteronomy and Joshua, you become invigorated at the sight, sound and demonstration of the power of God.

He parts the Red Sea, He changes a murdering to a national leader, He displays His power in miraculous wonders, He helps a fearful Joshua defeat various people groups and gain access to the Promised Land ... it’s truly better than any movie of Netflix series.

Then you get to Judges.

I love this book too.

However, I get frustrated at the roller coaster emotional ride...

One generation serves the Lord.

A judge.

The next generation rejects the Lord.

Another judge.

The people backslide....get in a pickle...

They cry out to God.

God provides another judge... 

Our Father is so merciful.

Do this same routine 10+ more times ...

Pause at Judges 13.

An Angel of the Lord appears to Manoah’s wife and promises she will conceive a special son.

She is barren. 

We see supernatural fruit come from barrenness numerous times in Scripture. 

This is yet another amazing work of God.

He makes the barren womb leap with joy.

Manoah’s wife tells her husband what happened.

Manoah then cries out to Yahweh in prayer.

Judges  13:8

“O my Lord, please let the Man of God whom You sent come to us again and teach us what we shall do for the child who will be born”

 “God, Please show up again we need more instructions, we need details Lord” (my paraphrase)

Manoah is a man of God, so in His wonder and excitement He prays.

Isn’t it beautiful?

He believes His wife and asks God boldly for a second visit. 

Parents: We are wise to pray this Manoah prayer “teach us what we shall do”

As parents, we all wish we had a training manual when our babies were born.

Child 1 will be compliant, taking activities or goodies away will work for discipline.

Child 2 is free spirited. He will need repeated redirection and no amount of time out corners will change him. This child will need a lot of activities and sports. Beware of the junior high years for this one.

Ha!

We have no such manual.

We do have a Rabbi- His Name is Jesus.

God designs each child with a purpose and plan. God’s plan, not the parents plan.

Manoah humbly and yet boldly asks for wisdom. Manoah prays asking God to “teach us.” 

The problem with our walks with God is we forget that God is the giver of gifts and He has given us the instruction manual to life 

His Holy Word. 

We can come boldly to His throne of grace.

He invites us, if any of you lacks wisdom ASK and God will give it.

Judges 13:9

“God listened to the voice of Manoah”

Catch that?

The Word doesn’t say He heard the request (although we know this is true)

God listened to his son Manoah’s voice.

Silent prayers are amazing.

But friends, God wants to hear our voice.

When we pray out loud something happens, our Spirit is stirred and we recall that we are having a conversation with the God of the universe.

Let God hear your voice.

Manoah wanted to know God. He then asks for His Name.

Judges 13:17 

Then Manoah said to the Angel of the Lord, “What is your Name that when Your words come to pass we may honor You?” 

He said, “why do you ask my Name seeing  it is wonderful”

“It is Wonderful”

Just like Isaiah 9:6

What did Jesus say when they picked up stones to kill Him?

He said 

“Verily verily I say unto you, before Abraham was I AM”

Knowing Gods Name is important.

We need to be intimately familiar with His Name in our prayers, even in our whisper prayers. 

Manoah has faith that God would do what He said He would.

Manoah professed “when your words come to pass”

Not if.. but when...

God’s Word WILL come to pass.

It is certain.

So why do we doubt? 

Perhaps we are not intimately familiar with our Kind King who never fails. Perhaps we need to pray boldly for wisdom like Manoah. 

Perhaps we need to remember Gods Name it is Wonderful !

Perhaps we are flesh, and we need more emptying.

May the Lord teach us from every page in His Word that He is Wonderful, He is Faithful, and His Word SHALL come to pass just as He said. 

Judges 13- a picture of prayer.

Plastic

Lord help me be plastic.
Help me be numb to situations so I do not feel.
I can smile and act "fine" and not melt from the pain.

Lord help me be plastic.
Help me bounce back from circumstances and situations and shake the ache from the chaos inside.
Help me float like a plastic bag with not a care in the world.

Lord help me be plastic.
Help me care less, feel less, weep less and just operate in a static vacuum.

Lord help me be like plastic where I do not carry loads and burdens I can be molded and shaped easily to the day and not break or bend.

I hear Him.
I hear the Creator whisper, "No"
I made you the way you are.

Lord help me be organic.
Help me step on the grass with pedicure-neglected toes and feel the earth beneath.

Lord help me be organic where I can sob and cry but then breathe in grace and exhale faith.
Help me see with eyes of faith, supernaturally natural eyes, eyes that burn when looking at the sun but smile when hearing the belly laugh of a baby.

Lord help me be organic where I hear you whisper verses to my soul, I hear you whisper songs in the night, I feel your touch in the wind.
Help me let go of my plastic desires and long for your organic embrace.

My brother for life (Sort of)

This morning I asked God to show me a new insight or revelation from Luke 15:11-32, the prodigal son story.

When you read your Bible, I encourage you to daily ask God to give you fresh insights.
We can become old wine skins and read a scripture or two with jaded eyes (Oh, I know this story not much new material to digest here).

We are wrong to approach God's Word in this nonchalant fashion.

God WANTS to speak to us, but are we really listening? Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

I love the imagery of the Father, the lost prodigal son and the son who remained at his father's home.

A familiar story yes, but new insights are always there, if only we allow the Holy Spirit to break new ground.

Luke 15:14 said the son began to be "in want."
He had money but that dried up. He had friends, but they left. He ate the best meals, but now he's left with heart burn. There is a famine in the land. Here in America, we are so blessed we do not understand this. However, we do understand famine of faith. People are bent over with anxiety, depression and panic attacks. The suicide rates are off the charts. Kids are bullied and kill themselves. I have no words.
In fact today April 20, marks another annivesary of the Columbine high school shooting.
Famine.
Does it exist?
Of course.
There are famines of food, crops, medicine and famine of faith, famine of purpose and meaning in life.
Famine for the living bread- Jesus Messiah, the manna which comes from heaven...

Finally the prodigal son comes to his place of "want." He hits rock bottom and misses home.
This is a great reminder to moms and dads about planting seeds of faith in the soil of our kids' hearts. They may make fooloish decisions in life...but the Word does not come back void. We pray kids become home sick, longing for the bread, the Jesus they crave.

Luke 15:29
The brother who remained was angry and said
"I have been serving you"
"I never transgressed you and yet you never gave me..."
"you never gave me a young goat, that I might make merry with my friends"

And there it is...

Selfish pride.

I never noticed this before and I praise Yahweh for revealing it.

"I have"
"I never"
"you never gave me"
"My friends"

Me, myself and I.

The false trinity.

This brother had a problem with his father's decision to bless the "naughty" son and ignore the son who was on the "nice" list for so many years, maybe even decades.

Oh my son my son.

I can hear the father's soft tenderness in His voice.

This son always had the father.
Just like us, we may not "get" our prayers answered in the way we hoped, but we got God. We spent time alone with Him. He grew us, deepened us, stripped us of self dependence and made us utterly co-dependent on our Abba.
That's enough.

The other son wanted the blessings- the stuff.
Having a deep intimate relationship with his dad wasn't enough, he wanted to "one-up" his naughty brother and show that he was really the one deserving of honor.

He is so upset he calls the prodigal son
"Your son"
Wait just a minute.
Isn't this his brother?
His bro?
The one that played with him, joked with him, comforted him?
They had years together, history together, shared good times and bad together...
But now, he throws him under the bus.
How sad.

Selfish pride can break up families...
Selfish pride can break up marriages...
Selfish pride can break up friendships...
Selfish pride can break the heart of God...

Along with selfish pride the other brother had an ungrateful heart.
The angels are rejoicing in heaven because the brother who once was lost, now is found, he once was dead but now is alive...
All this brother can do is sulk because "I never had a party like THAT before!"

I know this story is very hard to digest.
Why?
We grow up loving O's and A's.
We love honor rolls and bonus checks.
We love to post on instagram about how our marriage is thriving, but no one is sharing how this is the 3rd marriage and it is barely hanging on a thread.

We check the box, we go to church, "Hello God. Nice to see you, here's my tithe, see you later."

Then we pout when the new, only saved 3 years man is promoted at church. Hey! That's not fair God. That brother hasn't put in the time here as I have!

I have heard that before and I know God does not smile on that heart-itude.

Lord, we love you so. We praise you when an individual turns from darkness to light. Whether a person is a prodigal someone who once knew you and now recommits, or who is a new believer, we rejoice in that saving power. However, sometimes God we can see ourselves in the prodigal brother's selfish, prideful and even arrogant stance. We want things from you God, instead of simply wanting You. We think we deserve things. We deserve death and eternal punishment. Thank you for your saving power over even the type A check the box people who can stop once in awhile and realize selfish pride has crept in and a soul cleansing is needed. Lord you are faithful even when we doubt you, get angry at you and pout like toddlers. Thank you Jesus that you see our hearts and you desire to purge us and change us and mold us into the image of Christ- the selfless one. The one who bled and died. Thank you Father for the fresh insights you reveal as we daily and often steep our selves in your Holy Word. Make us new. In Jesus Name Amen

Friday Night Light

Timothy Keller states in his book, "Jesus The King" -

"The tenderness of Jesus despite the terror must have pierced right through his (re: the centurion's) hardness. The beauty of Jesus in his death must have flooded his darkness with light."

That is exactly right.

Jesus is the Light of the world and on that fateful Friday night, His light conquered darkness. (John 8:12)

There is something about darkness that is scary, frightening and ugly.

Little children are scared of the dark.

The dark is unknown. If the lights are on, you can see what is going on. If the lights are off and perhaps you are camping or somewhere very, very dark the sounds may scare you, a breeze frightens you;  you cannot see....

We fear the unknown and darkness makes everything unknown.

If you hike in a cave you must have a headlamp to light up the way. Flowers need sunshine to grow. In fact, even people need sunlight or we become vitamin D deficient.

The light that the Centurion saw was Christ's love and tenderness even during His death (Mark 15:39).

His light lights up the darkness. Jesus can light up the darkest night of the soul.

I heard the story when Jeremy Camp's wife Melissa died of cancer.
Was he angry at God?
Yes
Was he confused?
Yes
Did he believe God could have healed her but didn't and took her home to heaven instead?
Yes
What did Jeremy Camp (worship leader/song writer) do after she died?
He began to sing.
He began to praise God.
He sang in the midst of his darkest night because Melissa was transferred from earth to heaven.
He sang because of the hope we have beyond the grave.

Do you know what Jennie Lusko did after her 5 year old daughter Lenya passed away and went to heaven?
She nudged her husband and suggested he invite the nurses at the hospital to their church.

Where was God in those deep moments of despair?
He was RIGHT THERE in the midst.

In the deepest, darkest night.....even when you feel as though you cannot see your hand in front of your face...

In those moments of despair and grief, Jesus brings light.

He brings light by gently reminding you of a worship song.
He brings light by giving you a word of comfort.
He brings light by telling you "Trust me."
He brings light by the friend who sobs with you.
He brings light by the child that tells you "Don't worry mommy, Jesus will help you."
He brings light by the fresh understanding of grace that is sufficient.
He brings light by comforting you in a way no human being can.
He brings light by reminding you of verses that are tucked away in your heart and retrieved by the Holy Spirit at just the right time.

This is what Jesus did by shining His light on Good Friday.
The world turned black, there was an earthquake and the veil was torn top to bottom.
The light of the world, the one who was there and participated in creation of light....Jesus was there when the sun, moon and stars were formed. This man, the Son of Man took the sins of the world on His shoulders, and because of the way He died, His light gave hope to this hardened Centurion.

Jesus' light even in the midst of His crucifixion and last breathe made an impression on the Centurion and he confessed
"Surely this Man was the Son of God" (Mark 15:39)

This man saw with His eyes...(physical eyes)
We have the opportunity to see Jesus with eyes of faith.

His light shines everywhere!
His light shines on His children.
His light shines in His children.
We have the opportunity to be a conduit of His magnificent light.

The kindergarteners are RIGHT! This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine.
Friends, let's shine for our Savior.

We must repent of our self centered ways....
We cannot be a light if we are constantly staring into the light of our iPhones or laptops or TV screens, or car navigation system...
We must look up from the cares of OUR world and let God reflect His light through us.

We have hope today because Friday meant death, but Sunday is coming!
Halleluia!
Thank you Jesus for Good Friday!
Thank you that your death meant victory, we will be with you forevermore!
We looked forward to the day we can see you with unveiled faces and enjoy your light forever!

Just Him

I do not know who Stephen Verney is...but his quote in Priscilla Shirer's book encapsulated my life and my thoughts on prayer.
"First it is "me and Him" I come to prayer conscious of myself, my need my desires. I pour these out to God. Second, prayer becomes "Him and me" Gradually I become more conscious of the presence of God than of myself. Then it is only "Him." God's presence arrests me, captivates me, warms me, works on me."

Yup that's it. That's all folks.

Just Him.

I absolutely love this.

I love praying for people. I lift up my family, people in need, schools, churchs, missionaries. Then there are times when I quiet myself and I specifically say "Lord I am listening." He convicts me of sin, He even gives me assignments, He gives me Words of comfort or a single Word or reminds me of a verse I have not read in a long time.

The sweetest times are when I am simply overwhelmed by Him. I am caught up in His grandeur, His majesty, His Name, His saving power. I forget about my prayer list or the things I have to do today.

It is very important to spend time worshipping God. You might listen to birds sing, or close your eyes and let the sunshine warm you. Listen to the sound of wind blowing in the trees and whisper "I love you too Jesus." You might be in the car and listen to a worship song. You can sing along. Perhaps the next time don't sing along, let God sing over you (Zephaniah 3:17)

Let's be honest "being still" and knowing He is God is not easy.

I felt God inspire me to take a break from social media.
It wasn't anything special, I was just feeling sad and overwhelmed by Isaac's autism meltdowns.

I decided to stay off social media...this turned into a time where I was not looking at Facebook or Instagram and if needed, I would check in with people the "old school" way of text messages or email.

This time off from social media causes me to pray more. I cannot say I "feel" more invigorated. I still get sad when Isaac has a melt down, or my client calls me that a loved one is getting arrested. The thing that has happened during this social media break is more worship. Pause to pray. Pause to reflect. Let the world keep going...

Just Him...

I am trying to stop and praise Him.
I want to praise Him just because.

I love this note I found from an old book. There is a story of a little girl.

"A little girl went to Sunday school and heard a lesson about prayer. When she came home that day she immediately walked up to her room and closed the door. After a while, her mother wondered what was up because it wasn't like her daughter to come home on a weekend and just sit up in her room. Assuming something must be wrong---perhaps a classmate said something to hurt her daughter's feelings---she mounted the stairs and gently knocked on her daughter's bedroom door.

'Is anything wrong, sweetheart? You've been up here for a while.'

'Nothing's wrong, Mom. I've just been praying. I've been sitting up here telling Jesus that I love Him and He has been telling me that He loves me and we've been up here just loving each other!'

This precious little one understood the best type of praying.
First He and I...
Then Me and Him...
Then Just Him...

I'm melting!

Remember in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy throws the water on the wicked witch?
The wicked witch starts screaming
"I'm melting I'm melting"
It's a scene we have engrained in our brains....
The scarecrow is on fire and Dorothy (being the sweet girl from Kansas) thinks fast, grabs a bucket of water and douses the fire and water splashes on the wicked witch.
I have no idea why this came into my mind this week except for this:

I AM MELTING!

I am having melt down after melt down from autism. I can't interact enough, pray enough, cry enough, breathe enough...

Good bye world...good bye...... (echo, echo, echo.... to the abyss)

I literally cried myself to sleep the other night so much so that I could not breathe. I had to get up and blow my nose several times.

Then my daughter comes in the room... she hears my sobs...
"Go to sleep." I tell her.

Sometimes I feel that I am on the receiving end of a cruel film.
Here is the plot line.

"Let's get the smallest weakest girl you know, make her a mom with a son she cannot handle, use her to encourage others to draw close to Jesus, but then instead of allowing her to see victories and break throughs.... melt her! Melt her down to nothing so her joy will melt with her!" Ha, ha, ha! I'll get you my pretty and your little family too!

I am melting.
Today I begin to think, but God, I am not the wicked witch! Yes my heart and flesh fail and I am a sinner, but Jesus is my hero!
Jesus resurrected.
Jesus conquered the grave.
Have you ever been in a position where you say:
"God I am praying. I am reading. I am meditating on your promises. I am calling out the names of God one by one....but I am still getting pummeled by this soul pain, by this ache inside and by this difficulty (mine is a child with autism, but yours may be a different special need like a troubled marriage, infertility, family dysfunction, loneliness, a prodigal loved one, health problem, alcoholic relative, even gossip or problems with the ministry you KNOW you are called to, etc)

So if you are melting....let's go to the Living Water and swim in it!

Jesus is the Living Water.
I have always thought of this when watching the Wizard of Oz.
The water has power.

The wicked witch could not survive being splashed by water and neither can Satan.

Though you pass through the water you will not drown, though you go through the fire you will not burn.

Although I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.

I noticed I have been giving way too much attention to my feelings lately.

I shed tears and yes that is ok.

However, I cannot camp in the Valley of Baca (Weeping), or the Valley of the Shadow of Death.

I need to dust myself off, dry my tears, and "get up" like the Angel told Joshua...there is land to be conquered.

For me, there are seasons when Autism is so big.

Autism is something we live with.
I give Isaac melatonin to help him sleep.

Lately I increased the amount. He still wakes up.

In my fatigue and frustration, I turn to prayer.

"God I am so mad right now! I am so tired of living with autism, I love my son but this struggle is much more than I can take. I thank you Abba Father that you are bigger than Autism, you are bigger than my inadequacies, you are bigger than this dumb melatonin that did not work. You are big and I am small, You are strong and I am weak. Savior you can move the mountain! Spirit of the Living God fall afresh on me! I raise a hallelujah in the presence of my enemies. Satan keeps whispering...it's only getting harder. Isaac's behaviors are not getting better. You are tired and tapped out. Just wave the white flag. No! In the Name of Jesus I will raise the Banner of Hope! Jesus is my hope not a healing for Isaac. Jesus is the Truth, not the lies Satan whispers to me. My God is so much bigger! By my God, my Rock I can leap over a wall. Jesus healed the lame, the mute, the blind and He will have His way in Isaac and in me, in Chuck and in Olivia. We are not going down! Jesus have your way!"

Then I proceed to pray for other people going through trials until I fall back asleep.

It is very rare I get a good night's sleep.
However I am going to CHOOSE JOY.
Why?
I will choose to thank God for all of these rough "melting" moments because God is a consuming fire and His Word says He will burn away the dross until I come forth as gold.
I will choose to allow His Word the Living Water wash me and comfort me.

God also wants me to pray in the middle of the night.

These night seasons are hard, but as an intercessor, God directs me who to pray for and how to pray.
How can I be angry at a God like this?
A God in heaven who loves the world so much He died for each person, even rebellious, even the way ward, even the doubters, even the haters, even the fatigued moms like me.
Jesus is so good!
God is bigger than the trial and we must remember this!
Jesus pour out your Living Water over my mind!
Do not allow me to be controled by my emotions.
I know Yahweh you created me as a woman and I feel deeply, I love fiercely and I care. In fact, I believe you have given me the gift of mercy. Please Lord do not allow me, the world, or Satan take this gift and turn it on its head into sadness, depression or sorrow because when someone hurts, it hurts me deeply, but I must give you my feelings and say, "What are you teaching me through this Abba? What is the reason for this pain? Show me more of your grace and more of your face. Help me to remember that sorrow may last for a night but joy comes in the morning!"

John 7:38 "He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, 'From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.'

"O LORD, the hope of Israel, All who forsake You will be put to shame Those who turn away on earth will be written down, Because they have forsaken the fountain of living water, even the LORD." Jeremiah 17:13


Then he showed me a river of the water of life, clear as crystal, coming from the throne of God and of the Lamb, in the middle of its street On either side of the river was the tree of life, bearing twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit every month; and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.
Rev 22:1-2

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.  (Isaiah 43:2 NLT)

When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs. The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings. 
(Psalm 84:6, Valley of Baca also called the Valley of Weeping)

Two Different Nights with Jesus

Night one to ponder...
Luke 8:22-25 (NIV)

One day Jesus said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side of the lake.” So they got into a boat and set out. As they sailed, he fell asleep. A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger.

The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we’re going to drown!”

He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. “Where is your faith?” he asked his disciples.

In fear and amazement they asked one another, “Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him.”

I love this picture.
It is one of my favorites images of the God-man, Messiah, Jesus.
He is so tired from ministering that he falls asleep on the boat.
Perhaps the ocean waves rocked Jesus (the Creator with skin on) to sleep.
Amazing.
I often put myself in Jesus' arms in the boat.
There are terrors all around.
Wind, waves, the boat is literally filling with water fast...
No worries; I am good.
I am safe and snuggled in my Lord's arms and if He says we are going to the other side of the lake, then nothing, not even a wind storm is going to change that.
We must remember Jesus is fully God and fully man.
Today God showed me the importance of calling out to Jesus' at night.
This is night one...
It is scary from a natural standpoint.
It is dangerous- no doubt.
Jesus can sleep...in this setting.
He is calm, settled, and assure of Himself. He and the disciples WILL get to the other side.
.....In contrast to night 2.

Night 2 to ponder...

Matthew 26:36-46 (NKJV) Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and said to the disciples, "Sit here while I go and pray over there.” And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and He began to be sorrowful and deeply distressed. Then He said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me.”
He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.”Then He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, “What! Could you not watch with Me one hour? Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”Again, a second time, He went away and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if this cup cannot pass away from Me unless I drink it, Your will be done.” And He came and found them asleep again, for their eyes were heavy. So He left them, went away again, and prayed the third time, saying the same words. Then He came to His disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Behold, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is being betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise, let us be going. See, My betrayer is at hand.”
On night two, things are ASTONISHINGLY different.

A prayer in a garden at night.

From a natural stand point this setting is quite peaceful.
The moonlight calms you, the stars are twinkling...
In Jesus' day there were no airplanes flying by, paramedic trucks racing down the highway or even the sound of a text notification.
There is nothing...
I imagine it very peaceful and tranquil.
Plus, Jesus is in the Garden. He might be surrounded by the scent of night blooming jasmine, and perhaps the fragrance of spring is all around.
In one sense, it might be the perfect environment for prayer and quiet reflection (the Scriptures tell us He departed here often to pray)
But this night was different....VERY different.
Jesus is deeply sorrowful...
He prays and begs God to let this cup pass from Him...nevertheless He models total submission to us by crying out "Not my will but Yours Abba be done!"
Jesus knew this was the very reason He came.
Here are important contrasts I noticed that refresh my soul.
The night with the windstorm....Jesus sleeps peacefully....
The cloudless calm night in the garden...Jesus stays up all night praying.
The difference is surrender.
In the first night, Jesus knew His mission and was not afraid of natural waves and wind or even the fear of drowning.
In the second night, Jesus is afraid. He is not afraid of the Cross. He knows exactly what will happen that night and the next and the next. He is afraid of the break in intimacy with His Father. He will be covered in our Sin (as Scriptures says "God made Him who knew no sin to BE sin for us)
We are so UNLIKE Jesus which is why we need to learn from Him, drink in the Scriptures and daily ask for the Holy Spirit to open our eyes and heighten our awareness.

When there are "physical" things that scare us, we freak out and panic.
When there is spiritual things that SHOULD scare us, we yawn, chill and choose sleep over prayer.

Oh LORD help us have hearts that are like yours.

When the night is scary, I want to be able to rest like you did, safe in God's plan and purpose.
When the night "appears" serene and tranquil, I want to stay up all night in prayer, and deny my temptation to complacency or lethargy. I want to deny sleep and rather seek Your face.

Days that might seem or appear easy, can spiritually be hard.
Nights that might seem hard, can be spiritually easy...

The point is we need to do as Jesus asks. We don't need to yell "Wake Up Jesus! Don't you care we are perishing?" Of course He cares!
We should instead listen when He tells us "Wake up! Don't you see your friends and family members are perishing. Stay up and pray and listen to what I desire to tell you"
Jesus loved us so much He willingly went to the manger, then the prayer garden to pray all night....then He was willing to walk up to Calvary and stretch out His hands for us.
He is God and He is Rabbi our teacher.

Let us learn from Him when to pray all night, and when to rest in the shaking boat.

Autism t-shirts

Autism Awareness Month 2019

T-Shirts 

Psalm 139:13-14

Scripture teaches us that each one of us is fearfully and wonderfully made by God.

However, let’s be real- people can be mean to others who are different than them.

When Isaac was small people would offer parenting advice to me in the stores. Isaac dropped a toy once. A mom picked it up and looked straight at Isaac and said 

“now say thank you” 

I explained that he was non-verbal had autism and could not talk. I said he knows some signs and I made the American Sign Language sign for

“thank you”

She felt embarrassed and apologized.

My husband was very determined that during our summer national park explorations we come prepared!

We have Isaac wear an autism t-shirt.

Some t-shirts have a puzzle piece.

Others say “Autism Awareness” or something clever about autism with a puzzle piece. 

My husband has a T-shirt that says “Autism dad”

We do this because it is so much easier than having awkward conversations with people.

I have burst into tears with people- teachers, counselors, the manager at our bank, and others. 

People can say weird things like 

“Do you think it was the vaccines?”

“Is he on a gluten free diet? My sister’s cousins neighbor’s coach’s son is on a gluten free diet and he’s so much better now”

It’s not that we special needs parents avoid “the talk” about autism.... it’s just that these conversations are complex. 

At times, I just need to make my bank deposit, or buy the bananas and I cannot adequately answer the tough questions a stranger asks me.

Some people aren’t rude, they are curious and I respect that.

From the mom’s perspective, I’m scanning the store or location to make sure Isaac doesn’t run away and it is very hard to discuss things.

Bottom line- the t-shirts help! 

Do you want to know what helps special needs parents?

Prayer.

Or Texting an encouraging verse.

Or Asking how are you?

...if you really want to get to know Isaac, come over and hang out with him at our house. His home is a familiar environment and he is much less anxious.

I’m thankful for t-shirts as they help us cope with the outside world! 

Phil 4:6-7