I have been reading this amazing book "The Scars that Shaped Me" by Vaneetha Rendall Risner that has helped me reshape suffering, pain, trials and grief. I am learning like her subtitle states "How God Meets Us in Suffering."
I am one of those people who listens to a lot of tragic stories. As an intercessor but also as a family law (divorce) attorney I have heard more horrible stories than I wish to admit.
Life is hard, but God is good (as Louie Giglio says)
Life is indeed incredibly hard. And Yes, God is indeed supernaturally amazingly incredibly good.
Suffering is real.
We do not need to down play it or soften it...
I was telling Olivia the other day that I am not going to stuff down my emotions and "fake it." If I am sad, I am going to let myself be sad. If I need to cry, I will cry and ask Jesus to hold my tears in a bottle.
Think about it....there is a whole book in the Bible called "Lamentations" to lament is to be normal and human. To have a picture perfect instagram worthy life is to be named "Barbie" or "Ken" to be plastic, and phony.
I do not want to be phony. I want to be real and authentic and if I am sad I need to lament and let it out.
We must express our feelings or we will explode.
Like Andy Mineo said "If you bury your emotions you bury them alive" They will come back to you and it won't be pretty.
In Vaneetha's book she shares something that was so profound and true I felt the need to write about it and say "Yes!" I agree.
Vaneetha had an infant son named Paul who died. She talks about it and how she begged God to heal her son and the pain of watching a tiny coffin being lowered into the earth.
Later in her book she discusses how another author Joe Bayly wrote about the type of comfort he received when he tragically experienced burying a son.
He writes:
"I was sitting torn by grief. Someone came and talked to me of God's dealings, of why it happened of hope beyond the grave. He talked constantly he said things I knew were true. I was unmoved, except to wish he'd go away. He finally did.
Another came and sat beside me. He didn't talk. He didn't ask leading questions. He just sat beside me for an hour or more, listened when I said something, answered briefly, prayed simply, left. I was moved. I was comforted. I hated to see him go."
Sometimes words DO NOT bring comfort. Just simply being there does...
Vaneetha writes how Jesus was alone in His suffering.
She explains: "Jesus didn't want to be alone in His suffering. He wanted human companionship. Jesus didn't ask his disciples to accompany Him when He was communing with His Father. He often arose early in the morning to be with God by Himself. But we see that in His hour of desperation, when He was facing unspeakable agony, He asked His friends to be with Him" (See Mark 14:32-34)
"Sit here while I pray" and took with Him Peter and James and John and began to be greatly distressed and troubled. (Mark 14:32)
Vaneetha describes the troubled and awkward looks people give when you are suffering and they do not know what to say.
Suddenly my mind flashed back to watching the epic scene in Steel Magnolias. Strong mother "M'Lynn" played by Sally Field breaks down in her grief after her daughter "Shelby" passes away of kidney failure related to her type 1 diabetes.
Who can forget iconic scene?
The funeral is over and M'Lynn is quiet and stern. Then she starts weeping and explains that it isn't supposed to happen this way "I am supposed to die first!" she screams.
The friends are just staring at her not quite knowing what to say or do.
The beauty of this scene and the beauty of having community in our time of suffering is to just simply "be there."
This is one of the greatest tragedies of COVID. 2020 has been brutal. So many people passed away and because of the COVID rules husbands, wives, children, grandkids, friends, pastors, loved ones, could not "be there" to sit with them, stroke their hands, worship, cry and just be next to the person in need.
Satan is a thief (John 10:10)
I never knew this...but recently learned that the movie Steel Magnolias is based upon Robert Harling's real life experience of the death of his sister Susan Harling Robinson in 1985 of complications of Type 1 diabetes.
Wikipedia says about the film "The title suggests the main female characters can be both as delicate as the magnolia flower and as tough as steel."
I disagree. Strength can actually be a liability.
2 Corinthians 12:9 says "And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me"
I have been quoted this verse so many times. I have read it out loud. I have it memorized. I wrote it out on my chalkboard in my kitchen to read over and over for months.
Yet still... I do not like my weakness. I rarely boast in my weaknesses.
I hate being fragile.
I wish I could be strong like Sally Fields character "M'Lynn" in the film.
I am as fragile as they come.
Physically fragile-petite and my emotions are often raw, unfiltered and once the tears flow, it's hard to stop.
"You are so strong Laura. God won't give you something you can't handle" I have heard this before; It's not true.
God in His infinite wisdom DOES give us things that are too much we can't handle, so we recognize He does the heavy lifting. GRACE GRACE GRACE
He does it, I cannot take any credit. It's Christ's endless supply of grace that can make me "perceived" as a steel magnolia, really I feel like a withered flower after mother's day.
We must all choose to be like the friends in Steel Magnolias. Cry with others. Rub his/her shoulder. Listen and pray when the time is right. We don't need the right words.
We need God's Word. They are eternal and He always knows what to say.
The LORD will supply His Words in His timing.
I love something Vaneetha shared in her book that I found so true when Isaac had the hospital stays due to his unexplained seizures and unexplained cyst on his brain.
She said (paraphrase) read your Bible. Pray. Read your Bible even when it feels like you are chewing on cardboard. Pray even when you feel like you are talking to a wall.
I cannot tell you how refreshing her transparency was to me.
You see-I love reading the Word. But it's kind of hard to read when your eyes are filled with tears, there is a lump in your throat, and your child is met with doctors scratching their heads with more questions than answers. I love to pray. But it's hard to pray when you feel like God gives you a "no" each time.
We all love and explode when God says "Yes" but we cringe at His answer to our prayers that are"No" or "not yet" or "wait."
I know from an artist's point of view the title "Steel Magnolias" sounds great. Inner strength, but fragile beauty...
The reality is for me, I am a fragile magnolia. It is JESUS my Rock who provides the inner strength for me to get through each day.
I do not know who needs to read this.
Maybe you are still suffering and mourning, missing your loved one who passed from COVID, or a tragic car accident, or died suddenly, or died slowly....or you know of someone recently diagnosed with cancer, or you are experiencing something so life altering that it feels like a dark night of the soul- HOLD FAST. Jesus is coming soon.
We must hold on unwavering to Jesus the anchor of our hope and the refuge from the storm.
I am so thankful for the presence of Jesus. He is there. He sees everything. Trials are not always "accidents." Some valleys in life are there to reveal all of our weaknesses so we can depend on God more every day. He is the One who is Steel.
