Even children

 God cares for the unborn! What a win today was June 24, 2022.

One month ago we were (and still are!) grieving the horrific murder in Uvalde Texas with the shooting of children & teachers at a public school…

We still grieve and mourn…

Today, let’s take a moment and bless our Lord God Almighty for finally overturning Roe v Wade.

“For he issued his laws to Jacob; he gave his instructions to Israel. He commanded our ancestors to teach them to their children, so the next generation might know them— even the children not yet born— and they in turn will teach their own children. So each generation should set its hope anew on God, not forgetting his glorious miracles and obeying his commands.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭78:5-7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This verse always blessed me. God cares for the unborn. 

In fact ALL of us should care for the unborn. 

When I was in high school a girlfriend of mine- I’ll call her Suzi … became pregnant.   

She seriously considered abortion but then later said “I waited too long” Back then, there was a time restriction and late term abortions were not yet in vogue.

She decided to give her child up for adoption.

I always remember how proud of her I was for choosing life.    

She wanted to ensure her baby had the best possible life and chose the parents!

There are many verses that speak about life ….

     

I’m not sure when or how abortion became so controversial. It’s quite simple life begins at conception…

“The Lord gave me this message: “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.””

‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭1:4-5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139:13-17‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Without getting into the political arguments on either side we turn to Jesus- we ask God and look into the Scriptures to find out what the truth of the Word is…

God stands for life! 

“Turn us again to yourself, O God. Make your face shine down upon us. Only then will we be saved. O Lord God of Heaven’s Armies, how long will you be angry with our prayers? You have fed us with sorrow and made us drink tears by the bucketful. You have made us the scorn of neighboring nations. Our enemies treat us as a joke. Turn us again to yourself, O God of Heaven’s Armies. Make your face shine down upon us. Only then will we be saved.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭80:3-7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“We will not hide them from their children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of the Lord, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done.”

Psalm 78:4

“The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd sacrifices his life for the sheep.”

‭‭John‬ ‭10:10-11‬ ‭NLT‬‬

God wants us to pass on the legacy of faith to the next generation…

I remember a few years ago I was at the Huntington library & Gardens in San Marino with my family.

I saw a cute stylishly dressed young lady maybe in her early 20s. 

She was walking around the gardens all by herself. I passed by her and I noticed she had a tattoo on her forearm of a hanger. 

I asked my daughter Olivia if she knew what that tattoo meant -if it had any meaning- I thought it was the tattoo-symbol of a band or musician. 

Olivia said mama that means “abortion rights.”

I almost started crying. It grieved my heart so deeply that a young lady would get a tattoo of a hanger (symbolic of the way some women would use a wire hanger to kill their own baby) and she would put that tattoo on her arm…

I see the pro-choice argument about reproductive  rights and women’s health care…

(Although I do not agree- I see the legal theory) 

But the bottom line is Roe has gone too far …there should have never been a Roe. If a woman wants to kill her baby I don’t understand how that ever became legal to begin with? Babies were formerly celebrated not destroyed.  

God must judge those who intentionally take the lives of the innocent….

Even for those who have had an abortion they struggle with things like-

-Guilt

-Remembering the date/month the child would have been born

-Dreams of the child

-cramping & pain

- blood loss

-unforgiveness

And even in some cases scar tissue and inability to have children…

Last night I attended a women’s event and the speaker discussed how things are going to get worse in our country… 

People believe this is a right that was taken from them (even though abortion is no longer a federal right, it is still in our country allowed based upon the state)  

May the Lord keep us prayed up ~stirred up ~and ready to share the Truth about babies with people in the world! 

John (Jesus’ cousin) lept in the womb of Elizabeth at the sound of Mary’s voice… 

Any and all moms know that you fall in love with that baby once you feel that child moving & growing in your womb…

But we are raising a generation of young ladies to hate the baby growing in their wombs… 

Lord help us! 

https://connectusfund.org/11-best-prayers-for-unborn-babies

prayers for the unborn (from

A Momma’s view): 

“God of my praise, when I think of the incredible complexity of this new life forming inside me, I can only bow in worship of my great Creator. I think of the little fingers and toes being created by you. You are creating a new life in your image. I’m excited to see what my baby will look like! I praise you that this baby is fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are marvelous – this I know very well. Amen.”

Let’s pray -

Lord we pray women would realize the privilege it is to carry a child. 

If they feel too young too scared too unworthy or angry about the baby may they please consider adoption Lord Jesus! 

We know many people are angry about this decision that the Supreme Court ruled regarding Roe v. Wade.

Lord Jesus help us to love on those who are angry and to show them the Truth from scripture and be a beautiful light and example of a God-loving God-fearing person that walks in the steps of Jesus. 

Father please protect those who are continuing to stand up for life. Please do not allow states like California New York and Colorado and Oregon to expand their laws to kill babies - it is horrific God. We do not stand with the law makers who want expansive laws on abortion- we’re asking for more intervention more breakthrough God !

we know you’re not done with America!  In Jesus name we humbly ask …amen

Detour

 Detours/Change of Plans

◄ 1 Thessalonians 2:18 ►

For we wanted to come to you—certainly I, Paul, did, again and again—but Satan blocked our way. (NIV)

That snake -the serpent of old can’t stop our prayers!

At this moment I am in a hotel in Utah.

Olivia asleep (16)

Isaac asleep (14)

Summer vacation plans gone awry.

Detour.

We planned to drive through Utah & Idaho on our way to Montana.

We planned months ago to visit our friends in Livingston Montana.   

We packed.

We set all our affairs in order.

We asked friends to water our plants, feed the cat & feel free to use our pool too!

We got money for gas (no small expense, due to the recession in Southern Calif the price is over $6.00 a gallon!) 

I even had to make arrangements for an attorney to fill in for me at a court appearance in Pomona (vacations & rest are important right?) 

Last year, in 2021 my husband and I prayed and we decided it’s probably best not to travel to remote distances any more.

Isaac had 3 seizures in 2020. 

Although he has been seizure free since Nov 2020, we do not feel the same. We aren’t the same.

Just like life has changed since COVID emerged, life for the Gonzalez’ changed post epilepsy. 

We decided to go back to Livingston, visit our friends but we had no expectations- things could happen …and we needed to go on an adventure again.

It’s raining in Montana right now.

Not a big deal right?

WRONG.

They had 8 inches in 2 days.

2 bridges were washed out & they evacuated Yellowstone.  

Excuse me?

Yes.

They evacuated the first designated National Park. Yellowstone National Park

Needless to say, we aren’t going to Montana.  

I tried so hard not to cry.

I felt like the girl who stubbed her toe so bad but didn’t want to cry in front of friends so she bit her lip as a distraction… 

I held it together for a few hours….but when Isaac said “SWIMPING”

I decided I would go in the spa and let the tears flow, here in Utah, on vacation, in tears yet again. 

It’s ok God

It’s ok.

It’s ok.

Be with our friends!

Keep them safe!

Help us LORD know what to do next.

You see, “National Park adventures” 

That was our thing.

My husband would plan, research, pack accordingly, and hit the road.

Olivia and Isaac have been coming along since they were babies! 

When Isaac had the seizure in Idaho after we finished driving through Yellowstone I literally said to myself “I’m never going back to Montana”

I thought if I said “I hate you Montana” and vowed to never visit there it was like an outlet for my pain…

….but it doesn’t work that way. 

Pain must be processed. 

David couldn’t go “around” the valley of the shadow of death…he had to go through it (Psalm 23)

Jesus didn’t go around the Garden of Gethsemene before getting to Calvary, He had to go through. (John 17)

Same for us.

Pain must be chewed,  processed, refined and eventually God uses it and turns ashes into beauty. He is so creative.

My friends are special. 

They put the dogs away because Isaac is frightened of them. 

They decided & made plans to buy our favorite foods & snacks.

They redecorated to make it more comfortable.  

They mentioned the rain, but we had no idea it would be like this! 

Neither did they.

I could say something cute like “well I guess God took us on a detour.”

Although that statement is TRUE, it doesn’t soften the blow. 

Someone I know recently had a miscarriage… 

I asked someone to pray for this little family of three that was supposed to turn into a family of 4 (baby 2 expected in September 2022) 

The response was “You know. Something was probably very wrong with the baby. These things happen for a reason”    

This is the WORST thing to say to someone who is currently hurting.  

Whether it is the unexpected loss of a vacation plan or a loss of a child.

You want to scream “well whatever the reason is, the reason SUCKS!”

Adult tantrums are real~ I call them mommy melt downs.

We aren’t to lie to ourselves, tape Romans 8:28 to the situation, dust off the dirt & say “all is honky dorry now!”

No.

We can cry.

We can scream and then we can and must still praise the LORD.

We can give God our honest conversations…

Lord be with us! 

For all of life is really a detour

Prov 3:5-6 

  

 

Not Yet Butterflies

 Caregiver fatigue 

I remember The first time I heard that term…

I was so relieved. I thought I was crazy. As a mom of a special needs child I knew that my role ~my job ~ my calling was going to be taxing but I didn’t realize it was an actual “thing” 

I never knew of “caregiver fatigue”

“The human spirit can endure a sick body, but who can bear a crushed spirit?”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭18:14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, But who can bear a broken spirit?”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭18:14‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

As moms, dads (or aunties/uncles, grandmas/grandpas) we all know what it’s like to feel exhausted…

You make the meals and you clean up from the meals then you make the snacks then you pack the snacks …then you go on a Costco run…. then you help the children brush their teeth you read them their nighttime devotion …you cook dinner then you clean up from dinner …then you meal prep for the next week…. you washed the laundry…. you pack lunches….

Then you do it all over again and again for years…

You talk to children on your laps you play with them you push them on the swing your walk around with them in strollers …you pack your trunk with goodies for the children and extra water bottles to keep them hydrated… you kiss boo-boos when children fall down…. You listen and dry their tears when they’re hurt by a friend…

But for a special needs parent that child never goes away from your lap…

For us (and for our family) that toddler stays a toddler in his mind even though he’s a young man….

There’s a song by The Smiths that I love very much…

….When you laugh about people who feel so very lonely

Their only desire is to die

Well, I'm afraid

It doesn't make me smile

I wish I could laugh

… But that joke isn't funny anymore

It's too close to home

And it's too near the bone

It's too close to home

And it's too near the bone

More than you'll ever know ...

I've seen this happen in other people's

Lives

Oh ...

And now it's happening in mine

Happening in mine

Happening in mine

Happening in mine

Happening in mine

I’ve shared this story before but I think it is worth repeating…

Years ago I wanted to run a quick errand and go to stater brothers with Isaac. He was already becoming quite a challenge and he would run away from me I was afraid for his safety because he didn’t understand and he would run outside where the cars are. I decided to do the errand anyway (me and Isaac all by ourselves) I went to the grocery store and sure enough Isaac’s running away from me I keep rallying him back to me so that he would not leave or runaway where I couldn’t find him…

The clerk asks me “how old is your son… he is so handsome.” We engage in small talk and I tell her that he’s autistic she says “oh I know! my nephew has autism it’s only gonna get harder”

I was so upset but I told her “oh no ma’am you don’t understand! we have Jesus, look at him !! he doesn’t have cancer he doesn’t have tubes all over of his body… he can walk and run and smile and laugh he is going to be fine, we have Jesus”

I walked out of the store full of joy because I know that I told her the Truth.

But the irony is she told me something that was “half true.” 

It was going to get harder and it it has gotten harder… I can picture her face and hear her words echoing in my ears all the time…

I hear Morrissey’s voice in my head again

I've seen this happen in other people's

Lives

And now it's happening in mine

I remember when Isaac was young and I used to think “how is he ever going to shave his face?”

Will he ever learn how to do it? Will Chuck do it for him ? 

Will I do it for him?

He wouldn’t let me put a Band-Aid on him put medicine on a cut…

I still brush his teeth he doesn’t know how to wipe his own bottom thoroughly (and he still doesn’t know how to do that)

Last night Isaac was in the bath and I shaved his face and his chin and under his neck…

He let me do it and it’s actually quite calming…

But it’s very surreal…

My little boy is not a little boy. My young man is not a young man. He’s Isaac.

He’s a sweet boy with disabilities that’s trapped in a maturing adolescent body…

It’s very weird, it’s very sobering and heart wrenching and I cry a lot…

I wish I could laugh

… But that joke isn't funny anymore

Last night I was talking to Lord about it and praying and crying…

I said “Lord I’ve always loved my role as mother and I’ve always love the idea of becoming a friend to my adult child too but this role of caregiver is punching me in the gut”

Please be clear. It’s not the tasks. It’s not even his disability. It’s his reaction to me.

Because he’s experiencing puberty everything that I do “annoys” him and he lashes out at me and it gets me very sad inside…

Once again- caregiver fatigue…

The person you are caring for gets fatigued too. They get fatigued by YOU doing all of their care and they can’t do it on their own ….they want independence and autonomy but they can’t have it…

It’s exhausting…

One definition of Caregiver fatigue reads- Caregiver fatigue or caregiver burnout – occurs when the caregiver feels physically, emotionally, and physically exhausted, often leading to a change in attitude. Negative feelings toward the job and the care recipient often accompany the mind state, sometimes causing feelings of resentment.

It’s very similar to the tension we experience with the LORD.

The Spirit & flesh -always at war within each other…

Anakin & Darth Vader

Romans 7:14-25

“We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 

I do not understand what I do. 

For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.

As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.

For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.

For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 

For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.

Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 

For in my inner being I delight in God’s law;

but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?

Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.”

It has been said pain is God’s megaphone.  

“We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world....No doubt pain as God's megaphone is a terrible instrument; it may lead to final and unrepented rebellion. But it gives the only opportunity the bad man can have for amendment. it removes the veil; it plants the flag of truth within the fortress of the rebel soul.”

C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

Well if pain is God’s megaphone, perhaps fatigue is God’s post it note.

“Don’t cook dinner, we’re eating out tonight” 

-Jesus

The LORD whispers

Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls”

Jeremiah 31:25 says 

“I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.”

Sometimes I am so weary I don’t want to talk or even think about autism.

I just speak the Name of Jesus…

HE IS THE ANSWER to all types of fatigue.

Keep going saints.

We’re not home yet!

Yesterday I wore one of my favorite butterfly necklaces…

Two people in the community commented that they liked it.

I mentioned to one of the ladies at Isaac’s school

 I said “butterflies remind me of Isaac. Once God whispered to me, Isaac is just not a butterfly yet.”

Lord thank you for the gift of life. Thank you Jesus for all the caterpillars you put in our lives that we are able to tend to and one day you will transform them into butterflies. 

We are weary… we are burdened we are fatigued and truly that joke isn’t funny anymore….But God, we thank you Jesus that the war of flesh was conquered at Calvary‘s cross and one day we will be in a  new sanctified body and the old will pass away and all things will be made new. In Jesus’ Name we pray AMEN