How was your day child?

As a special needs mom there is one thing I often notice...

I notice how children greet their parents at pick up from school.

The scene is so sweet.

Some children light up with the biggest smile when they see mom or dad.

Some children can’t wait to show a parent (or grandparent) a craft or assignment they completed. 

An autistic child does not have the same reaction at pick up. Some are warm and happy and shout out “mommy!” 

However, many of the children do not smile but simply walk towards the parent or caregiver in a fog with no expression of delight on their face almost to say

 “It is what it is!” Going home now...

I remember one special needs child who always smiled and greeted mom with a huge bear hug and delightful greeting “Momma!”

That same child pouted, became agitated when the father picked him up, and no expression when grandma picked him up.

Today in my One Year Bible, I began to remember all of these images and reflected on this:

How do I greet God?

How do others greet God?

What is my greeting like when I spend time with the Lord?  

Am I warm, smiling, eager to have “after school” adventures with my Abba Father,  or do I have a resentful “Oh it’s you again...” attitude when I spend time with Him?

Sometimes I think we just get too comfortable with the Lord.

“And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.”

Genesis 2:7 NKJV

God is Creator and giver of life and He longs for us to call Him “Abba Father” 

We have all seen those beautiful images of a child greeting dad at the airport or a surprise greeting at home when dad was overseas in the military.    

The scene is powerful. 

The child dreams about the day when he/she gets to see daddy again.

The child cannot wait to spend time with his/her father!

Some kindergarteners are like that. Even though it’s only been a few hours, the child is so enthusiastic about seeing a parent. The feeling is mutual! You can see it in Dad’s eyes as he walks away proud with the child draped over him, (she’s too precious to let her walk), he carries her and they talk about the day.

This is how I want to approach my heavenly Father!

Not with a nonchalant, “whatever”  attitude. I want the military child greeting. I want to see Jesus and think:

“My Lord went to the Cross for me, He fought my war for me, and I get to spend time with Him? I am the luckiest daughter in the world!  Spin me around again Jesus! Tell me about where you have been, what you have been through and how you want me to grow up and be JUST LIKE YOU one day!” 

As a special needs mom, I have never heard my son say “Hi mom! I missed you. Let me tell you about my day”

Never...and yes it hurts. 

I get it. 

He does not know how to express himself... He has special needs.

But some people actually CHOOSE to ignore God like that...

God the Father daily asks His child: 

“How was your day my child?

How are you doing? 

How are you doing on the inside?

You know I love you right? 

Well I can tell by your body language and facial expression you don’t really feel like talking but please know I’m here for you whenever you’re ready...”

This attitude must grieve the heart of God.  

“O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the one who kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing!”

Matthew 23:37 NKJV

Having conversations with the Lord,  reading our Bible, prayer and intimacy with the Lord is not a “have to”  it’s a “get to.” 

Our attitude makes ALL the difference. 

“The LORD is merciful and gracious, Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy. He will not always strive with us, Nor will He keep His anger forever. He has not dealt with us according to our sins, Nor punished us according to our iniquities.

As a father pities his children, So the LORD pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.”

Psalms 103:8-10, 13-14 NKJV

Lord help us. 

Father forgive us for so many times when you pick us up from school not literally but in a symbolic way you pick us up from our day and we give you the cold shoulder. Please forgive us. Please give us a welcoming and warm attitude, the enthusiasm of a small child saying I can’t wait to be in your arms Father. We want to embrace you and we want to know you deeply, we want to read your word, meditate on your promises. We want to feed on your faithfulness Lord. We want to tell you all about the day, talk about our feelings, tell you the good and the bad and know that Jesus you conquered all. Father thank you for being faithful even when we fail you. Father thank you for loving us even though we act so unlovable at times. Father thank you for your desire of intimacy with us, help us long to be in your presence and help us remind ourselves that you’re always with us and you’re always willing and ready to talk to us. Your help is always available! Jesus we love you in your name we pray Amen

What is my trigger? Meltdown Alert!

It is such a joy and a thrill to share with others ( whether on social media or one on one ) when Isaac has breakthroughs.

Today I would like to share about a breakthrough I had.

I’m really trying to learn how to have joy in trials. (James 1:2-4) 

Isaac has been fighting a cold and on Tuesday he bit me. I wish I could say that it was minor but it really hurt bad - I have a huge bruise/welt on my arm. 

I was in the checkout line at the $.99 store and I believe Isaac simply got too overwhelmed. 

He bit me and through the melt down of course the checkout clerk and others were staring at us.

All I could do was try to sooth him and tell him “let’s pay, all done store.” 

He said “Sorry no biting” and he knows he’s not supposed to have that aggressive behavior.

We work on this constantly. 

I have pictures about this we have therapists work with him on this (Monday through Friday) he works on this with his teachers and aids at school. 

It’s really really frustrating.

I cannot recall the last time he did this and so for that I’m thankful.

Here is the breakthrough- I didn’t cry and become hysterical or fight feelings of hopelessness. I bounced back.  

“How is this a breakthrough?” you might be wondering.

Well, in life I have come to realize all of us have triggers. 

People that have been through trauma have triggers. We all have triggers whether we realize it or not. For example people that are clean freaks (OCD or just really really clean) get triggered- annoyed frustrated and grumpy -when there’s dust on the floor or dirty shoes in the front room or an untidy or unkept room. 

One of my triggers as a grown woman and  special needs mom is “biting.” 

If Isaac wakes up in the middle of the night at 3 AM and he’s yelling and playing loudly that doesn’t bother me. I might be a little bit stressed and upset but it’s not a trigger. 

If Olivia has a bad day at school and starts crying I pray with her and soothe her- still, it’s not a trigger. If I get a note from the teacher that Isaac had an “off day” and was unable to complete his work, that is not a trigger. If my husband comes home from work and expresses frustration with people that don’t really care for students, that is not a trigger. 

When I go to court and the judge is late or I’m not able to discuss all of the items that I planned for that day, this is not a trigger.

Biting is a trigger. 

Isaac’s biting makes me sad and melancholy for days. 

I cry and pray and weep and pray.

I ask God for mercy... it takes me quite a while to bounce back. 

I have talked about this quite a bit (over this last year) with the Lord and I realize that the reason why Isaac’s biting (or severe aggression) bothers me so much is because I desire with all my heart for Isaac to be a blessing to others. 

Biting, hair pulling, pinching- it physically hurts. 

It’s a megaphone of the reality that Isaac has autism.

The ability to bounce back from an incident is hard for me. 

I tell myself: 

“Yes God is good. Yes God is real. Yes God will work in Isaac. Yes God has done miracles in Isaac. Yes God is still on the throne.”

I pray and try to let it go... 

But ....when Isaac bites it still hurts !

I hurt physically, emotionally and spiritually. 

It’s more than just an outer wound it’s an inner wound...

I had a breakthrough this week because the Lord carried me...

In stead of running to my unhinged emotions... I simply “let it be” 

Isaac bit me, oh well, moving on “God’s got this!” 

Paul said it well 

“But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus, to testify the gospel of the grace of God” Acts 20:24

Self talk can be really self destructive... 

Letting our emotions run wild can also be self destructive...

Prov 4:23 (NIV) 

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Thank you Father that we can take every thought captive! Thank you God that our emotions are not the boss- You are! Our circumstances are not the boss-You are ! You are on the throne of my heart and even on rough days, I can cling to You, Jehovah Shalom my Prince of Peace !! 

Why do I take my flesh in my teeth, And put my life in my hands? Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. Even so, I will defend my own ways before Him. He also shall be my salvation....

Job 13:14-16a NKJV

Above everything else guard your heart, because from it flow the springs of life. Prov 4:23

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ

2 Corinthians 10:5  (NIV)

May these verses encourage you to let God help you when YOU get triggered.  

Seek God’s help, He is faithful to protect us, guard us, and guide us through any and every storm of life.  

Strong Willed Child

This morning as I was driving Isaac to school I saw a little boy (probably about five years old) fighting with his grandma during their walk to his elementary school. 

I could see him arguing with his grandma and then he pulled away her arm roughly and he then hit her arm !! 

She scolded him grabbed his hand and they continued to walk together. 

He then threw away her hand and hit her again on the arm!! 

I wanted to roll down my window and shout out at him “hey little boy don’t hit your grandma be nice and go to school”

I was driving on the street and it would probably have been too far for them to hear me so I prayed for them.

As they continued to walk I noticed the grandma put her hand on the small of his back and she gave him her phone (probably to avoid being hit again). 

What struck me was the grandma’s tenderness in the midst of the boys naughty behavior. 

Years ago Dr. James Dobson wrote a book about “the strong willed child” 

 Many people have read the book and fell in love with the book and could scream out loud “finally someone said it!” 

A strong willed child isn’t acting naughty because he is just a sinner on his way to a correctional facility in his adult years. 

A strong willed child is fighting the flesh. A strong willed child doesn’t understand that his mom, dad, caregiver and teacher (or even coach) want the best for the child. They have a very stubborn spirit.

As I saw the grandma struggling with this little boy and with her hand gently on the small of his back making sure he didn’t get hit by cars it reminded me of our position with Christ and our Father’s tender care of each of us individually.

Many times we act just like that five-year-old boy. We are grumpy because it’s the morning, we don’t want to go to school (or parenting role) or go to a job or be with that spouse or be a homemaker or whatever it is that we do....

We are very frustrated with life and we can’t understand why this mean adult (ie., God) is making us do things we don’t want to do. 

We fuss and kick against God and His loving tender care for us. May we wrestle not against God but he yield to Him. 

I see some children smiling and almost skipping on their way to school. They are not fighting mom dad grandma or friends ....

they’re happy ...

They are content because today is a new day they have new things they are going to learn and they are simply happy to be alive. 

If we we maintain a childlike wonder in our relationship with God we will not become that symbolic defiant strong willed stubborn child. 

Instead, we can be humble ourselves like Jesus in the garden and we can say “Father I don’t understand your ways, I don’t understand what you’re doing, I don’t understand why your grip on me is hard when I want to go left you tell me to go right. God I just don’t get you!  but I trust you, I choose to trust you because I know that your hand is on the small of my back and you’re protecting me from danger. you are a good shepherd and you want what’s best for me”

May we have a proper attitude toward the Lord’s correction and direction. 

The Lord desires to make the crooked path straight but are we ready to receive that? 

Many times it becomes dark before the breaking forth of sunlight in the morning. 

How many of you are praying for a breakthrough? 

God is not so concerned with the prayer request as he is concerned with the child saying the prayers. 

God wants to mold you and shape you. 

Yes God indeed wants to answer your prayers but we must first trust Him, His timing and His ways. God’s ways are so much bigger so much more magnificent than our human mind could ever understand. 

Think about it ....a kindergartner probably doesn’t really understand why they have to go to school. Why do they have to get up, put clothes on, put shoes on, sit in the classroom for six hours a day and go through this whole process? 

It could be very confusing. 

As an adult we can be confused with the things that touch our day. We must remember that God is Father, He is the teacher, He is our caregiver, He is our provider, He is our everything. He is our best friend. He wants to hear all of our secrets under the tree...He wants to know everything that makes us tick.

He wants to know our dreams, He wants to know our nightmares-Nothing scares God. 

I love that about our Lord! we can talk to Him about anything and everything and trust His tender loving care to less.  

Lord help the strong willed child in me to settle down, and help the obedient loving willing student in me thrive!