But God Knew...

But God knew... 

          I didn't know I would have child with a label called autism...

I didn't know mothering a special needs child was part of God's plan for me... 

But God knew ...

I thought I knew what it meant to "Lean Not on my own understanding ..."

I thought the world was pretty black and white with God in the center

But God knew 

I thought I knew what a spectrum was....but I didn't know 

When I was little I felt God tug at my heart telling me I had a lot of love to give...but I didn't know He would choose me to raise Isaac

I didn't know... But God knew

I didn't know my dream of becoming a lawyer would make a way so I could stay home and be there for my special needs child... I didn't know 

I didn't know I would marry a man with strength and integrity and devotion to Jesus and our family and that devotion would get our marriage through anything... Even autism 

I didn't know but God knew... 

I didn't know what pain really was... 

            But God knew ...He pinned it to the cross

           I didn't know what fervent prayer and fasting was

          I didn't really know...until the journey with Isaac

          

          I didn't know what it was like to have strangers stare at you.....

to have strangers look and glare at your child... I didn't know

          But God knew

          

         God knew perfectly well Isaac would be different when he was forming him in my womb.. God knew            perfectly well when I prayed and I cried "Use me Lord. Use me. I'll go where you call me to. I'll do what you ask" He would answer and say, "You don't have to go any where or do anything... Just be            Isaac's mom and use your son to point the world to mine...point to My Son Jesus."

          

         I didn't know but God knew. He always does