Treasures

 It is written “bear each other’s burdens”

I have beautifully witnessed this at the Joni & Friends family retreat. 

 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”

‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭23‬-‭24‬ ‭ESV‬‬

When we serve others, we do it out of love to Christ. However, when we practice the one anothers we sometimes forget we are doing the act as service to the LORD.

If you give a cup of cold water, you did it unto Me;

I have seen a mom pull out hulk-like strength to lift her child from wheel chair to a fun go-kart ride -all done out of love to Jesus-the disabled child is simply the conduit.

I have witnessed dads dress up in silly costumes and dance with their adult daughters twirling them around, all done out of love to Jesus-the disabled children are simply the conduits.

I have witnessed neuro-typical siblings choose to sacrificially give up time with friends, to care for a child who wears diapers, can only drink out of special cups and is prone to wonder off, all done out of love to Jesus-the disabled child is simply the conduit.

I have seen a pastor with not one but two disabled children sleep deprived because of a migraine get up and preach a sermon to parents desperately in need of encouragement and to be drenched again by the Truth of the Gospel, all done out of love to Jesus-the disabled child’s parents were simply the conduits.

I have seen servant after servant give and give watching God supply to each servant exactly what was needed! 

I have seen treasures stored in Heaven, for Christ Himself is the treasure! 

So as tired campers are buckled in their handicapped plated vans, the costumes are packed away, the lanyards with printed name tags are thrown in the luggage bag, each family will have grown closer to each other, closer to their brothers and sisters in Christ and saw a glimpse of Christ as He was magnified in weak bodies and fortified in their souls!  

Paperclip

 Pray in His Strength*

Last night Isaac was trying to go to sleep. He came out from his room & said “paperclip.” 

One word. 

Paperclip. 

Very strange. 

I said “show me.” 

He then shifted his 193 lb body and lifted his foot to me. 

When I looked closely, one of his toe nails needed to be clipped. 

Seems small, but this is a big deal. Anything out of place, a scab, a blister, a nail that is chipping…a tag on clothes…these things really bother him. 

He even pulled off a whole toe nail before. Broke my heart! 

For him to show me that his toe nail was bothering him and to say verbally “paper clip” was his way of saying:

 “Mom, I know I can come to you for anything. I know it’s bed time & you are going to tell me for the 5th time to go to sleep. But this is different.   I don’t have the ability to clip my own nails. But you do! Please help me. I promise once this toe issue is settled I’ll feel better, calm, soothed & I can then go to sleep.”

This morning….thinking on this…I realized Isaac saying “paperclip” is like our fumbling over our words in prayer. 

We go to God with groanings. We ask without really knowing what our needs are. Yet in faithful trust we pray anyway ….. we know full well our Gracious Caregiver God, our Abba Father will translate our toddler babble-prayers into eloquence. Even sighs are prayers. Even tears are prayers. He hears it all, sees it all & doesn’t say “go back to bed!” He settles us. He helps us! 

What an amazing God we serve! 

May we all be encouraged by Isaac today to ask for help & pray in the strength of the Holy Spirit. 

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words”

Romans 8:26

Big Sister Olivia Grace

 Some words about my daughter before her special needs brother‘s 18th birthday

Olivia Grace, how I love that name oh how I love that name. You’ve lived a good life the best that we tried to give …. we tried to tell you the truth so that you wouldn’t believe the lies that would undoubtedly be fed to you by the world.

you didn’t ask to be Isaac‘s sister you were born first.

you were the epitome of the easy child 

you and I prayed together that Isaac would get better, but then we watched him get worse…

I’ll never forget that one time you were crying in your room Isaac was banging on the wall

The wall that connected your room to his, he was being loud as usual in a language that only he knows. 

You wept at the gravity of it all…  When you were younger, you were definitely his fiercest advocate at a park or birthday party. 

You were always willing to explain to others that he was your brother and that he was different. 

The Autism slogan “different not less” doesn’t really match our experience and I don’t believe it matches your experience either as a sibling to Isaac….

you did get less 

you got less of our time 

you got less of our attention 

you got less of our energy 

you got less of us…

My heart was crushed when you honestly told dad and I that you felt like you got our leftovers. 

They were piercing words, but they were true words. 

I always enjoyed our few “autism-free” mommy daughter time, but the reality was those moments would end …but Autism wouldn’t 

I never had dreams of you getting lost in the woods, I never had dreams of you dying young. 

Those are the kind of dreams that I dreamt about your brother.

I didn’t have to dream for you. 

You were living it!

When you got your first pointe shoes when you were cast as Rose when you became the diamond princess 

when you passed your AP classes when you learned to drive

when you prayed and read without promptings by me or dad

I would always compliment you & tell you how special and unique you are. I know this is true. 

God gifted you in so many ways…

Nobody knows what you endured.

Nobody can prepare a child for something like this. I wish I could say on the day before Isaac’s 18th birthday that you’ve arrived, but I can’t say that because none of us will ever arrive at living this disabled caregiving life. 

The scriptures became loud to us

God‘s love became so apparent every 1 to 1 time you and I could have together felt like manna from heaven.

As you’re about to turn 20, this is the one time of year when you and Isaac are one year apart yet it has always felt like you both come from different planets. 

You live and navigate the planet of normal when you’re in college, but you have to come back to our reality when you come home to our humble street. 

I want to say that I’m sorry you didn’t have a normal childhood, but I can’t say that. 

I cannot say that anymore because it is a God-given privilege to have a thorny life.

you’ve been blessed to be Isaac‘s big sister

God used him to help shape you to be caring, loving & other centered and you are a precious young lady after God‘s own heart… there are a lot of things that we have not been able to do as a family of four …but I know that you’ll be able to do those things in your future and I’m grateful. I’m grateful for every time you kept an eye on Isaac so I could take a shower. I’m grateful. I’m grateful for the times when you prayed when my words felt flat or I was too busy crying. 

I’m grateful for the way you check in on me and you can tell that I am not OK even when I say that I am.

I’m grateful for the way that you make me laugh. I’m grateful for the way that you bring joy to everyone who knows you

 I’m grateful for the fact that you’re a deep thinker and I’m grateful that you are not bitter towards God for Isaac and all of his quirks and otherworldly melt downs. 

I love you more than words could ever say and I’m blessed at the young lady you are!

you are so much more than Isaac’s sister for you are Yahweh’s daughter

Thankful to the LORD for the gift of you!