Love Even When

 John 9:1-5 New King James Version (NKJV)

Now as Jesus passed by, He saw a man who was blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, saying, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him. I must work the works of Him who sent Me while it is day; the night is coming when no one can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”

Isaac has not been well. No, thankfully it's not seizures. It is something else. This is something dreadful. He is ill in his mind. 

I knew as Isaac grew taller, grew facial hair and started wearing a Men's Size Large, he would not be accepted or tolerated as much as when he was a cute 6 year old quirky boy. He was not as noticeably disabled.

Isaac cannot tuck in his autism anymore. It is incredibly obvious and I receive every type of strange look imaginable. The looks range from people who look away, to people who look down, to people who stare or look very uncomfortable. 

Isaac's behaviors have a remarkable way of making others feel uncomfortable. (just like the blind man, the man suffering from leprosy and suffering people in scripture)

Isaac is clearly not from this world. He is like a Mac with a PC attachment. Different operating systems. "Cannot open file."

Today I was walking with Isaac after school as we usually do. 

He was highly agitated, more than usual. He pulled my hair several times and I looked in my bag for a rubber band (none available).

I try not to make eye contact with strangers when he gets aggressive with me. I know they are confused. Is that teen boy beating up on his mom? What is happening? 

Isaac pulled my hair the other day and a sheriff car drove by. I was so afraid they might arrest him. Thankfully, at that precise moment he didn't yank my head down as he pulled my hair, he pulled it more discreetly. Whew, what a relief.

Jesus is teaching me.

Jesus is teaching me to love.

Jesus is teaching me to love even when. 

Jesus is teaching me to love when when my hair is getting pulled. 

I have accepted Isaac may never change or stop this behavior. 

He was doing so well! 

For many months after the stay at CHOC hospital in Jan 2024, he went several consecutive weeks without lunging, attempting or actually pulling my hair. Huge progress.

This past weekend was brutal. When he yanks my hair, or gets aggressive or force himself to gag and vomit, it makes me sad. I try to hold back tears. I talk to myself "It's not his fault. He doesn't understand."

The other day I was bathing him and he pulled my hair. I continued to bathe him. What else can I do?

He needs to be clean, this is a non-negotiable. 

Keep loving him, Jesus whispers to me.

Keep praying for him.

Keep showing agape love.

Don't hold a grudge or allow a root of resentment to grow.

Love him even when he is pulling your hair. 
This is Christ-like love. 

Matthew 5:44-48 "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

Now Isaac is not my enemy. He is my son. However, his behaviors are pretty difficult to endure. It is incredibly difficult to stay calm, spirit filled and not let these moments get to me (I am human).

I am sharing this painful part of my journey because I am certain, you have one, or two, or five people in your life who "pull your hair." Of course they do not do this literally. Of course they are not a family member with a mental disability. But you get the point. 

We must love others even when they are cruel to us, rude to us, or we just don't "feel" like loving on them. 

We must love our neighbor and not retaliate. 

I find one of the best ways I can love a difficult person is to pray for them.

I tell myself "LORD it's not Isaac's fault. Please help him. Please bless him. Calm the noise in his mind."

In your situation, the difficult person may have all of their faculties and the pain they have inflicted upon you may be 100% intentional and mean-spirited. Maybe this person is literally an enemy. We still must love them. Why? It seems impossible. It is impossible. That is why we need the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. He is the One who enables us to love "even when."

Get counsel.

Get accountability.

Talk to a friend and share your heart. say "I am having a hard time loving (name) and I ask you pray for me."

Confess to the LORD if you have a root of bitterness or if you harbor unforgiveness.

Create a prayer journal JUST for this person.

Pray for them outloud and often. 

Love them even when....

Why?
Because Christ loved us even when.

Even when we were still sinners, He went to the Cross.

Loving our enemies (or difficult people) is not a suggestion, it is a command given by Christ.

Please Holy Spirit help us love others even when their behavior is such that it is like we are getting our hair pulled, or being spat at, or feels like we are ridiculed or punched in the face.

Help us not try to fake it or fabricate this love but help us allow you Holy Spirit to grow this love within us.

This is the only way! Give us a supernatural love of the unlovable all for your glory!