I insist, no no I insist

 Stubborn as a mule

Stubborn stiff necked people

One definition of stubborn reads: 

Stubborn-

adjective

1. having or showing dogged determination not to change one's attitude or position on something, especially in spite of good arguments or reasons to do so:

   "a stubborn refusal to learn from experience" · "two stubborn young people intent on doing their own thing"

I read one definition that said "unyielding."

What a harsh word and an even more difficult characteristic to live with. 

Remember that book from years ago "The Strong Willed Child" ? Spanking? Does not work. Time out? Does not work. Take away a toy? Does not work. 

Others would say "hang in there! Your have a strong willed child."

Today I was both blessed and convicted at Chick Fil A.

It was over 92 degrees and very hot. My husband asked if I would run in and buy an unsweet tea.

I decided to get myself a beverage too. 

The kind worker asked if I needed a drink carrier "No thank you! I'm fine." Was my response.

I left to use the restroom and this sweet Chick Fil A staff member brought my husband's sandwich and a drink carrier too.

She then apologized.

"I am so sorry. I just do not like to see my customers holding too many thing in their hand juggling."

I responded "It's ok! Thank you. Thank you for delivering the food too!"

The LORD convicted me. 

Why did I tell her "No thank you." ?

Why did I refuse the help.

Stubborn.

When you are 4'11 you learn quickly that people look down at you. Quite literally (insert laugh! )

I try my best to carry bulky items, to reach the highest shelf with a mini-step-ladder, to manage things the best I can...but honestly, there are many times I NEED HELP.

All height constraints aside, I can be stubborn.

Is this something that only I struggle with?

I desire to seek God.

To know HIm.

To exalt Him and live a life of humility.

I am quick to ask for help for Isaac from his school staff or a doctor. However, over the last 5 years I have finally come to terms with this truth- "No thanks, I do not need the drink carrier." This stems from stubbornness and pride.

Oh LORD Jesus help me!

Now, you might be thinking.

Laura you are being ridiculous. 

Hear me out.

What I am trying to communicate is that many times people offer help and we decline.

It is easier to say "no thanks" than to humble yourself and have someone enter your messy situation.

Isaac is more than a handful.
Isaac is disabled therefore we are a disabled family operating in a neurotypical world.

Any help that is offered with a genuine heart and can benefit Isaac, my husband, or me, we SHOULD say yes.

Of course...we need to at times "vet" or use discernment in a situation.

But that is not the main issue.

The main issue the LORD convicted me of is when I decline help I am showing off my heart- stubbornness and pride -and the "I got this!" attitude.

I should know better- forgive me LORD. 

I am terrible in math.

I had a math tutor in college and still did not pass college algebra the first time. 

This subject is too hard for me. I cannot do it WITHOUT the help of others. 

When we read our Bibles, we admit we need to look at a commentary, ask a friend about a passage and of course lean 100% on the Holy Spirit for help.

Saying

 "I insist"

 I do not need help 

is not noble, it is stubborn and prideful.

LORD help us!

Help us surrender to our limitations!

Look at Christ’s example:

“who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭2‬:‭6‬-‭8‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Also we see an example of pride & an encouragement to let go of pride 

in 2 Chronicles 30.

“Do not be like your fathers and your brothers, who were faithless to the Lord God of their fathers, so that he made them a desolation, as you see. Do not now be stiff-necked as your fathers were, but yield yourselves to the Lord and come to his sanctuary, which he has consecrated forever, and serve the Lord your God, that his fierce anger may turn away from you.”

‭‭2 Chronicles‬ ‭30‬:‭7‬-‭8‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Lord help us insist on one thing- WE DO NEED HELP!

Help us accept the help of others and not to say “I got this” you are our strength. To reject help is prideful and we repent. Help us accept all the help and correction from you Holy Spirit and from others.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Trials Refine you, but Do not Define You

 My husband and I are blessed to celebrate 26 years of marriage this month (July 2025).

We have grown up together. We love each other.

We have cried together and prayed together and slammed doors too. 

We have used words to cut and to sew.

We have been best friends and have ran both hot and cold, but thankfully never luke warm. We have learned to forgive because we have been greatly forgiven by God Almighty.

Christ has been the King of our marriage, the captain of our ship and the head of our home.

We do not get to go on dates like we used to.

We previously visited Cambria every year for our anniversary. 

My beloved husband- a school teacher- never needed to "ask for the day off" in July. 

A perfect anniversary month for us.

We would go on a mini-adventure- just the two of us- somewhere- any where (locally in California) to connect, reflect, have long devotions without Olivia saying "mommy mommy" or Isaac screaming, squealing, or needing my attention and caregiving.

As Isaac aged, so did we.

Sadly, we cannot leave him "overnight" with Nana Becky like the good ole days, but we are trying to savor the good ole todays.

This week, on a Thursday morning we were blessed with a date at Brandon's diner. We were the youngest couple in there. I saw a man open the door for his bride, she walked with a cane, and he had a digital watch and a large belly. They were old, tired and adorable. Their eyes still twinkled and smiled at each other.

My husband and I were smiling at each other in our booth gazing at menus and enjoying the short but sweet Isaac free time. 

My husband said something profound.

"I am not defined by autism."

We talk about Isaac a lot.

A LOT.

Being a full time special mom and a full time special dad is exhausting, perplexing and all consuming. 

You can literally get wrapped up the identity of autism.

We do thank God we can be Isaac's caregiver parents, but we are not defined by his disability.

I thought a lot about what Chuck said...

Autism does not define me.

Then I thought more...

Trials do refine you, but they do not define you.

Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Jonah will forever be linked to a whale.

However, the first thing we teach our kids to sing is that "Jonah was a prophet."

He was a prophet first, the whale came later.

The other day I was praying.

I called out to the LORD 

"God, thank you for my husband. Thank you that I am Chuck's wife. Thank you that I am Olivia and Isaac's mom. But first and foremost Jesus, I thank you that I am Yahweh's daughter."

God's first, roles on earth second.

That includes our trials. 

I have a few friends who have lost their children to cancer.

I have several friends who are widows.

I have other friends who are special needs parents.

All of these people I am referring to are my sisters in the LORD.

I am part of God's family first, the specific trial or thorn placed in me life to refine me is second. 

I share all of this because trials can be loud.

Trials can be so loud, they make you tired, bitter and calloused. Trials can a game changer.

I can say like Job "Naked I came into the world and naked I'll return." but still even  yet, I will praise you LORD.

Or I can say like Job's wife "curse God and die."

We must look at the trial from the lens of the gift giver. 

God does allow trials, tests, painful experiences and thorns for a purpose- to refine us- to conform us s to the image of Christ.

But please do not make the mistake of letting the trial write your story. God is still God and the trial is a part of your life yes, but it is not LIFE. Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life.

Jesus is the Resurrection and the Life.

When Saul met Christ on the road to Damascus, he was forever changed. It was God who did the changing. Saul was blind for a short period of time.

Others in scripture and even today were born blind, and died blind.

John 9 speaks to the issue- 

 

And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth.

And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?

Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.

I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work.

As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.

When he had thus spoken, he spat on the ground, and made clay of the spittle, and he anointed the eyes of the blind man with the clay,

And said unto him, Go, wash in the pool of Siloam, (which is by interpretation, Sent.) He went his way therefore, and washed, and came seeing. (John 9:1-7)

Christ uses the trials of life that the works of God should be manifest in us.

God told Paul clearly in 2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

We aren't doing as Paul advised. We are not gladly boasting in our weaknesses.

No. We are moping. We are losing faith and praying less.

We are letting the trial define us. We let the trial consume our brain space and every waking hour we are obsessively trying to figure out a way  out of the trial.

The way is always THROUGH.

You would never tell a widow or widower or someone enduring a hardship -

“Don’t worry! You’ll get over this.”

No way.

We say “You will get through this. With God’s help you will. He will get you through.”

There is an assumption that there is another side to “this” part of the trial.

There is a point.

The point of the trial is to change us and conform us to God, to look like the Son, to be sensitive to the Spirit. God teaches us individually and then later uses us to impact others with the comfort we have received we can give it out to others.

God builds our character in the trial.

We learn in the furnace, but we learn little if we focus on the eject button instead of pressing the surrender button.

Oh God Almighty!

How we have so much to learn here!

I am grateful for the words of my husband that hung in the air refreshing my soul and reminding me that trials do refine us, but they do not define us. We are children of God and you can do with us as you wish. We will choose to worship you no matter what the “end” of the trial looks like. We ask forgiveness for our grumpiness and shaking our fist at you wondering why our prayers are not answered speedily. You are God, we are not. Your blood is sufficient. If you allowed this season, or perplexing situation to come to our life than we choose to trust you. We bow the knee and say have your way God. Master Teacher! Rabbi Jesus teach us your way and help us navigate through this in the most God honoring way. In Jesus’ Name Amen

Thou Shalt Not Covet the Sinner"s Instagram Post- Reflections on Psalm 73

 I love Psalm 73. 
This Psalm brings me tremendous comfort. 

If you do not remember the Psalm, please read it here below: 

A Psalm of Asaph.

1Truly God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.
2But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled,
my steps had nearly slipped.
3For I was envious of the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

4For they have no pangs until death;
their bodies are fat and sleek.
5They are not in trouble as others are;
they are not stricken like the rest of mankind.
6Therefore pride is their necklace;
violence covers them as a garment.
7Their eyes swell out through fatness;
their hearts overflow with follies.
8They scoff and speak with malice;
loftily they threaten oppression.
9They set their mouths against the heavens,
and their tongue struts through the earth.
10Therefore his people turn back to them,
and find no fault in them.^a
11And they say, “How can God know?
Is there knowledge in the Most High?”
12Behold, these are the wicked;
always at ease, they increase in riches.
13All in vain have I kept my heart clean
and washed my hands in innocence.
14For all the day long I have been stricken
and rebuked every morning.
15If I had said, “I will speak thus,”
I would have betrayed the generation of your children.

16But when I thought how to understand this,
it seemed to me a wearisome task,
17until I went into the sanctuary of God;
then I discerned their end.

18Truly you set them in slippery places;
you make them fall to ruin.
19How they are destroyed in a moment,
swept away utterly by terrors!
20Like a dream when one awakes,
O Lord, when you rouse yourself, you despise them as phantoms.
21When my soul was embittered,
when I was pricked in heart,
22I was brutish and ignorant;
I was like a beast toward you.

23Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.
24You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.
25Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
26My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength^b of my heart and my portion forever.

27For behold, those who are far from you shall perish;
you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.
28But for me it is good to be near God;
I have made the Lord God my refuge,
that I may tell of all your works.

There have been many times my client going through a divorce has expressed "the wicked prosper Laura!" 

When a judge rules in favor of the man who allows his kid to look at porn. The wicked prosper.

When a child is backslidden and does not care about God and recently gets a promotion at work. The wicked prosper.

When the man who cheated on your dear friend at church, just gets married to a woman 15 years younger, and returns from a honeymoon in Mexico (something your friend always wanted to do). The wicked prosper.

When your child is disabled and the neighbors' have a child but they are gay and that child is healthy happy and doing great, while you are sitting in yet another doctor's visit, school nurse's office or IEP meeting. The wicked prosper.

The friend you knew who wasn't really close to the LORD but does go to church every other year, is now holding her second grandbaby, dressed super cute, no wrinkles or problems on her facebook posts and has just returned from a Bahamas trip. 

The not quite sure if she is saved girl prospers.

The LORD really convicted me the other day. 

If you frown at the sinner's photo, because he or she is having fun, and you are suffering, the problem is not with them, the problem is with YOU Laura.

Ouch.

Why?

We are not to covet another sinner's instagram post.

Instagram, facebook and all the others...they create an environment of longing. People do not post or boast about the fact that a husband cheats on his wife, and the wife forgives but the kids are now tremendously messed up and doubting the existence of God the Creator.

People do not share about the uncle who is in jail.

People do not share about the cousin who died of a drug overdose.

People do not open up about sexual or physical abuse in childhood.

People do not discuss how hurt they are from the "cliques" at their old church.

People do not share ANY of these things.

But the wicked....oh! The wicked post their lives all night long (Please sing Lionel Ritchie!)

The wicked posts of themselves drinking wine, or smoking pot or dating the hottest girl in school.

My daughter showed a post of a young girl in her bikini on a Southern California beach (her momma had cancer!) and she looked naked (yes! Naked).

You can wake up early, get the coffee brewing, open up your Bible, and be filled with gratitude, tears and ready to handle the day...

Then, you open instagram or facebook and you suddenly get the "oh man! It's is not fair LORD! The wicked prosper!" blues.

This ailment is really contagious in the summer!

The little teen girls wish they had a God-fearing boyfriend. Instead, they see photos of the pretty girl at school dating the boy and the rumor mill goes...they are probably sleeping together.

The LORD really rebuked me that to frown on a person's post is one thing, but to get upset and think "Hey! It's not fair! Johnny and Jenny do not love God, they do not go to church, and yet their kids are doing great, attending great schools and they are enjoying a wonderful Yosemite vacation, while I am at home cleaning the crumbs off the toaster, trying to do everything to stay cool in triple digits and serving the LORD." We can easily repeat the Psalmist words in verse 3 here: 

For I was envious of the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

Yeah, so what! Sometimes the wicked do prosper! We must remember Job, Joseph and of course our LORD Jesus.

Jesus did not prosper (in the world's eyes)

Jesus never travelled abroad. He never published a book or ate fancy meals and fancy restaurants. But Jesus DID have a lot of followers. However, many of them were not genuine. In fact, just like a person who is labelled a criminal "all forsook him and fled" the only one who stuck around was his mother Mary and few other "women." 

We do not say "poor Jesus!" It is just not fair that the wicked prosper, and Jesus died.

No. We look at Jesus and gain the proper perspective.

The wicked DO NOT prosper in heaven. The wicked burn in hell eternally separated from God and all His beauty, and glory and holiness.

The wicked enjoy dainties here, but will experience unquenchable fire then.

It is not worth it.

If social media causes you to get the Psalm 73 blues, turn it off, shut it off and open your Bible (or Bible ap) instead.

When others sin, we should not envy.

Sin grieves the heart of God.

Sin should grieve our heart too.

God does allow His grace to fall on the just and the unjust.

And in fact, it is Good and Right that He does this. For at one time we were sinners dying in our sins until the Holy Spirit took the veil off our scaly eyes.

Thank you Jesus!

I pray we can daily think on Psalm 73. This is a very important Psalm to me personally being an autism mom. 

I have this portion tucked in my memory bank

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Christ is enough.

If you or I have a longing for something....if God says no, we must learn to be content.

We must not covet the sinner's instagram post. We must not covet. We must learn to pray!