My husband and I are blessed to celebrate 26
years of marriage this month (July 2025).
We have grown up together. We love each other.
We have cried together and prayed together and slammed
doors too.
We have used words to cut and to sew.
We have been best friends and have ran both hot and
cold, but thankfully never luke warm. We have learned to forgive because we
have been greatly forgiven by God Almighty.
Christ has been the King of our marriage, the captain
of our ship and the head of our home.
We do not get to go on dates like we used to.
We previously visited Cambria every year for our
anniversary.
My beloved husband- a school teacher- never needed to
"ask for the day off" in July.
A perfect anniversary month for us.
We would go on a mini-adventure- just the two of us-
somewhere- any where (locally in California) to connect, reflect, have long
devotions without Olivia saying "mommy mommy" or Isaac screaming,
squealing, or needing my attention and caregiving.
As Isaac aged, so did we.
Sadly, we cannot leave him "overnight" with
Nana Becky like the good ole days, but we are trying to savor the good ole
todays.
This week, on a Thursday morning we were blessed with
a date at Brandon's diner. We were the youngest couple in there. I saw a man
open the door for his bride, she walked with a cane, and he had a digital watch
and a large belly. They were old, tired and adorable. Their eyes still twinkled
and smiled at each other.
My husband and I were smiling at each other in our
booth gazing at menus and enjoying the short but sweet Isaac free time.
My husband said something profound.
"I am not defined by autism."
We talk about Isaac a lot.
A LOT.
Being a full time special mom and a full time special
dad is exhausting, perplexing and all consuming.
You can literally get wrapped up the identity of
autism.
We do thank God we can be Isaac's caregiver parents,
but we are not defined by his disability.
I thought a lot about what Chuck said...
Autism does not define me.
Then I thought more...
Trials do refine you, but they do not define you.
Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Jonah will forever be linked to a whale.
However, the first thing we teach our kids to sing is
that "Jonah was a prophet."
He was a prophet first, the whale came later.
The other day I was praying.
I called out to the LORD
"God, thank you for my husband. Thank you that I
am Chuck's wife. Thank you that I am Olivia and Isaac's mom. But first and
foremost Jesus, I thank you that I am Yahweh's daughter."
God's first, roles on earth second.
That includes our trials.
I have a few friends who have lost their children to
cancer.
I have several friends who are widows.
I have other friends who are special needs parents.
All of these people I am referring to are my sisters
in the LORD.
I am part of God's family first, the specific trial or
thorn placed in me life to refine me is second.
I share all of this because trials can be loud.
Trials can be so loud, they make you tired, bitter and
calloused. Trials can a game changer.
I can say like Job "Naked I came into the world
and naked I'll return." but still even yet, I will praise you LORD.
Or I can say like Job's wife "curse God and
die."
We must look at the trial from the lens of the gift
giver.
God does allow trials, tests, painful experiences and
thorns for a purpose- to refine us- to conform us s to the image of Christ.
But please do not make the mistake of letting the
trial write your story. God is still God and the trial is a part of your life
yes, but it is not LIFE. Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life.
Jesus is the Resurrection and the Life.
When Saul met Christ on the road to Damascus, he was
forever changed. It was God who did the changing. Saul was blind for a short
period of time.
Others in scripture and even today were born blind,
and died blind.
John 9 speaks to the issue-
And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which
was blind from his birth.
And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did
sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?
Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned,
nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.
I must work the works of him that sent me, while it
is day: the night cometh, when no man can work.
As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the
world.
When he had thus spoken, he spat on the ground, and
made clay of the spittle, and he anointed the eyes of the blind man with the
clay,
And said unto him, Go, wash in the pool of
Siloam, (which is by interpretation, Sent.) He went his way therefore, and
washed, and came seeing. (John 9:1-7)
Christ uses the trials of life that the works of God
should be manifest in us.
God told Paul clearly in 2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient
for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will
boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest
on me."
We aren't doing as Paul advised. We are not gladly
boasting in our weaknesses.
No. We are moping. We are losing faith and praying
less.
We are letting the trial define us. We let the trial
consume our brain space and every waking hour we are obsessively trying to
figure out a way out of the trial.
The way is always THROUGH.
You would never tell a widow or widower or someone enduring
a hardship -
“Don’t worry! You’ll get over this.”
No way.
We say “You will get through this. With God’s help you
will. He will get you through.”
There is an assumption that there is another side to “this”
part of the trial.
There is a point.
The point of the trial is to change us and conform us
to God, to look like the Son, to be sensitive to the Spirit. God teaches us
individually and then later uses us to impact others with the comfort we have
received we can give it out to others.
God builds our character in the trial.
We learn in the furnace, but we learn little
if we focus on the eject button instead of pressing the surrender button.
Oh God Almighty!
How we have so much to learn here!
I am grateful for the words of my husband that hung in
the air refreshing my soul and reminding me that trials do refine us, but they
do not define us. We are children of God and you can do with us as you wish. We
will choose to worship you no matter what the “end” of the trial looks like. We
ask forgiveness for our grumpiness and shaking our fist at you wondering why our
prayers are not answered speedily. You are God, we are not. Your blood is sufficient.
If you allowed this season, or perplexing situation to come to our life than we
choose to trust you. We bow the knee and say have your way God. Master Teacher!
Rabbi Jesus teach us your way and help us navigate through this in the most God
honoring way. In Jesus’ Name Amen