I'm melting!

Remember in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy throws the water on the wicked witch?
The wicked witch starts screaming
"I'm melting I'm melting"
It's a scene we have engrained in our brains....
The scarecrow is on fire and Dorothy (being the sweet girl from Kansas) thinks fast, grabs a bucket of water and douses the fire and water splashes on the wicked witch.
I have no idea why this came into my mind this week except for this:

I AM MELTING!

I am having melt down after melt down from autism. I can't interact enough, pray enough, cry enough, breathe enough...

Good bye world...good bye...... (echo, echo, echo.... to the abyss)

I literally cried myself to sleep the other night so much so that I could not breathe. I had to get up and blow my nose several times.

Then my daughter comes in the room... she hears my sobs...
"Go to sleep." I tell her.

Sometimes I feel that I am on the receiving end of a cruel film.
Here is the plot line.

"Let's get the smallest weakest girl you know, make her a mom with a son she cannot handle, use her to encourage others to draw close to Jesus, but then instead of allowing her to see victories and break throughs.... melt her! Melt her down to nothing so her joy will melt with her!" Ha, ha, ha! I'll get you my pretty and your little family too!

I am melting.
Today I begin to think, but God, I am not the wicked witch! Yes my heart and flesh fail and I am a sinner, but Jesus is my hero!
Jesus resurrected.
Jesus conquered the grave.
Have you ever been in a position where you say:
"God I am praying. I am reading. I am meditating on your promises. I am calling out the names of God one by one....but I am still getting pummeled by this soul pain, by this ache inside and by this difficulty (mine is a child with autism, but yours may be a different special need like a troubled marriage, infertility, family dysfunction, loneliness, a prodigal loved one, health problem, alcoholic relative, even gossip or problems with the ministry you KNOW you are called to, etc)

So if you are melting....let's go to the Living Water and swim in it!

Jesus is the Living Water.
I have always thought of this when watching the Wizard of Oz.
The water has power.

The wicked witch could not survive being splashed by water and neither can Satan.

Though you pass through the water you will not drown, though you go through the fire you will not burn.

Although I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.

I noticed I have been giving way too much attention to my feelings lately.

I shed tears and yes that is ok.

However, I cannot camp in the Valley of Baca (Weeping), or the Valley of the Shadow of Death.

I need to dust myself off, dry my tears, and "get up" like the Angel told Joshua...there is land to be conquered.

For me, there are seasons when Autism is so big.

Autism is something we live with.
I give Isaac melatonin to help him sleep.

Lately I increased the amount. He still wakes up.

In my fatigue and frustration, I turn to prayer.

"God I am so mad right now! I am so tired of living with autism, I love my son but this struggle is much more than I can take. I thank you Abba Father that you are bigger than Autism, you are bigger than my inadequacies, you are bigger than this dumb melatonin that did not work. You are big and I am small, You are strong and I am weak. Savior you can move the mountain! Spirit of the Living God fall afresh on me! I raise a hallelujah in the presence of my enemies. Satan keeps whispering...it's only getting harder. Isaac's behaviors are not getting better. You are tired and tapped out. Just wave the white flag. No! In the Name of Jesus I will raise the Banner of Hope! Jesus is my hope not a healing for Isaac. Jesus is the Truth, not the lies Satan whispers to me. My God is so much bigger! By my God, my Rock I can leap over a wall. Jesus healed the lame, the mute, the blind and He will have His way in Isaac and in me, in Chuck and in Olivia. We are not going down! Jesus have your way!"

Then I proceed to pray for other people going through trials until I fall back asleep.

It is very rare I get a good night's sleep.
However I am going to CHOOSE JOY.
Why?
I will choose to thank God for all of these rough "melting" moments because God is a consuming fire and His Word says He will burn away the dross until I come forth as gold.
I will choose to allow His Word the Living Water wash me and comfort me.

God also wants me to pray in the middle of the night.

These night seasons are hard, but as an intercessor, God directs me who to pray for and how to pray.
How can I be angry at a God like this?
A God in heaven who loves the world so much He died for each person, even rebellious, even the way ward, even the doubters, even the haters, even the fatigued moms like me.
Jesus is so good!
God is bigger than the trial and we must remember this!
Jesus pour out your Living Water over my mind!
Do not allow me to be controled by my emotions.
I know Yahweh you created me as a woman and I feel deeply, I love fiercely and I care. In fact, I believe you have given me the gift of mercy. Please Lord do not allow me, the world, or Satan take this gift and turn it on its head into sadness, depression or sorrow because when someone hurts, it hurts me deeply, but I must give you my feelings and say, "What are you teaching me through this Abba? What is the reason for this pain? Show me more of your grace and more of your face. Help me to remember that sorrow may last for a night but joy comes in the morning!"

John 7:38 "He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, 'From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.'

"O LORD, the hope of Israel, All who forsake You will be put to shame Those who turn away on earth will be written down, Because they have forsaken the fountain of living water, even the LORD." Jeremiah 17:13


Then he showed me a river of the water of life, clear as crystal, coming from the throne of God and of the Lamb, in the middle of its street On either side of the river was the tree of life, bearing twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit every month; and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.
Rev 22:1-2

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.  (Isaiah 43:2 NLT)

When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs. The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings. 
(Psalm 84:6, Valley of Baca also called the Valley of Weeping)