Un-tired

LORD Jesus,

My soul is tired.

So 

so tired.

Is there any way you can make it "untired" like when a runner unties his shoes?

Like when he tightens them when they feel loose? But later unties them?

I am tired.

But it's deep

It's so very deep and profound and poignant and pungent too.

I'm so tired I'm afraid there is no relief for it today.

LORD Jesus,

I'm tired.

really quite literally tried and tired.

Can you untire me?

Can you retread the thread?

Can you put the toothpaste back in and rewind what has been said?

Those words matter. What was said was cruel vile and venomous.

Can this life be all vexed and bloated and awkward and calloused?

LORD Jesus,

My soul is tired.

So 

so tired.

My mind is wound up like an old grandfather clock.

It is not at all like the one at Disneyland gladly grinning cheerfully ringing

tick tock tick tock 

 LORD Jesus,

My soul is tired.

So 

so tired.

Sin is everywhere like a virus or ravenous weed

it spreads it infects it harms and it stings

I am a sinner, we all are sinners but the sorrow He endured prevailed

He died so we can crawl on our knees and praise and joyfully enter the chamber behind the veil

Adonai Jesus

My soul is tired.

There, I said it again.

Maybe I'll just get up and heat up some warm milk and toast some bread

I won't do it

I won't spiral

I won't be unraveled again

My soul may be tired but my life is not expired and I'm too young to feel this old

The lies I hear are too numerous and they weigh down my blood bought soul

Can you make me untired can you help me get some rest?

Can I just snuggle with you Jesus, lay here with my sweaty head on your chest?

Can I sniff your shirt and smell the gardenias and smell the woodshop and yes even some dried up blood?

Can I think of the ocean and how you healed a blind man from spit and some mud?

Can you make my soul untired and can we just try this all over again?

I need your love, your correction, your reflection to be made out of my life.

I need to release to you all my prayers my wrestling and day to day strife

Can you make me untired, can you grant me true rest?

For your yoke is easy and for now I can truly say good-night.... I'm gonna leave this right here on my Savior's chest.

You are the only One who knows how to awake my weary soul you are the only One who makes my negative integer a whole.

Father Son and Spirit - He is more than words on a page

Thank you LORD for allowing me to write these words and let loose my feelings that were once encaged

In the moon in the sun in the air I breathe

I remember even the world is tired and begs for relief

The sorrows of my heart have enlarged but I will trust you are the Only Way

You give me joy for the morrow and new mercies and hope presented by you each day 

Untire my soul 

Untie my shoes too

I'll sleep with lovely thoughts of my Savior's love that is absolute 

Familiar and Foreign

It sounds like a play on words.

Familiar and Foreign.

How can something be both?

Familiar yet Foreign.

The same trees, lakes, roads and hikes.

Familiar and Foreign.

Little kids and dads pulling babes on the back of bikes;

Familiar and Foreign.

I love these skies and the air so blue.

I love hear little giggles and voices that soothe.

Familiar and Foreign.

It is a place I love a welcomed place to explore.

Let's check with the front desk, maybe we can stay a day or two more.

Familiar and Foreign.

Let's catch a fish.

Let's fly a kite.

If need be we'll switch out the bait and see if they'll bite.

Familiar and Foreign.

The cliffs and mountains as if they have never moved.

Yet I look at the homes, roofs are no longer new. 

I see a sign that says "New Owners" same business with a different hue;

Familiar and Foreign.

I want to go home.

I don't like this place.

I have too many memories I don't want erased.

Now it's different, the familiar is eclipsed by the foreign.

My heart aches for the laughter within the old times and the sunset in glory

New stories are here, new seasons and lots of skies that are gray

My muscles don't recover and I don't have much to say

I miss you

I love you

Somethings still remain...

like the flowers in spring and cool drops of rain;

Familiar and Foreign.

The old church building with stones and cobble and broken glass

I wonder what hymns were sung here in times past?

Familiar and Foreign.

El Olam the never changing One, He does not wax and wane

The Ancient of Days is always New and His heaven is my true home.

Familiar and Foreign.

Maybe this place is a great example of the now and not yet

I fret over problems that linger and have a stockpile of regret.

I wish I held you longer.

I wish I cared about the fish less and less

I wish I cradled your little body and let you lean on my chest.

I was so distracted I wanted to capture it on film

now the Familiar sits in a frame on my window sill. 

I loved all the memories and the new ones are kinda ok.

I can't wait till the day all tears will be wiped away.

I love too hard, I dream too big...

Oh LORD God Almighty please help this wrestling within.

I am blessed beyond all measure and I hate all this scorn.

Help me enjoy the day and one day the sorrow will be no more.

I am grateful for shadows that will one day become sight.

I am grateful for the WORD that leads me in a cloud by day and fire by night.

I read your WORD and it's familiar as I have read it before. 

Yet at the same time, I have changed and this Truth is foreign as if I am a newborn.

Help me LORD see beyond time and space.

Help me worship you in the mountains, hills and even when I am old and my memories are all erased. 

Christ’s tool box

Chisel or hammer for stone or clay

I trust in Christ’s selection of tools for me today   

I need not know the what or the why;

For I am learning to trust even while I wince and cry

Sharp blades prune off and lob the dead limbs

Even a stump is glorious if it’s been pruned by Elohim

Cut chop slash crush

Oh Abba Father why must this process hurt so much?

The options are many: tweezers hammer then a sharp two edged blade

I’ll choose to rejoice in this day the Lord hath made

Not to us but to His Name all glory belongs 

He takes a coal and grabs them carefully with golden tongs

I squirm and I beg for a bit of relief

He cried too, a Man of Sorrows and acquainted with grief 

I say I trust Him; I don’t give it a second thought

But while I sit in the kiln, my flesh fights and yells for control saying  “fight this with all you’ve got” 

Me myself and I are brought very low

My King I see dimly but trust your tools make me grow 

Your precision

Your skill

Your carpenter trade

How could I doubt the Ancient of days?

Oh how I adore you Elohei Tehillati the God of my Praise

Now and forever I’ll thank you for each tool you carefully choose

For more like my Savior each lesson produced

I Praise you Christ Jesus the Son of God and Son of Man

For bearing more fruit was always the goal of your Sovereign Plan

I Praise the One 

The Only One

Who performs soul surgery

I’ll praise Him for each time He molded and pruned a wretch like me

Remembering Lot’s wife…

Remember Lot’s wife

On the go, they ran and ran, she didn’t really have time to make a plan

Remember Lot’s wife

Charm is deceitful and she likely had both demands on her worldly appetites kept her in a chokehold

Remember Lot’s wife

A blushing bride, we do not know her history or name, dust to dust ashes to ashes were her claim to fame

Remember Lot’s wife

Lot is called righteous in 2 Peter chapter 2, but Lot’s wife endeavored to dress cuter than you

She had it all (in the world’s eyes) or so it seems, her husband was wealthy and could fulfill her dreams and needs

Remember Lot’s wife

Lusted for Sodom’s door knob, never worked or suffered or had a job; Her joy was not in Yahweh, only her outer adornment and looks unlike bookish Lot praying and studying the Holy Book 

He desired to follow in Uncle Abraham’s footsteps 

But his wife did not enjoy the lessons she dreamt of where to travel next

Remember Lot’s wife-these three words spoken by Jesus, the next two we all know by heart “Jesus wept”

Remember Lot’s wife, so sound the alarm!

It’s hard to be a woman with life’s endless demands, but Christ says come to me all who labor let Me give you a hand

She left Sodom in a hurry but Gommorah -these twin cities never abandoned her heart

She turned around with longing eyes, city life was her goal from the start

She was living the dream, but that was the problem you see

She put myself “I” and me before the King of Kings and worshipped her own selfish identity

Before we point a finger we should look in the mirror instead, “search my heart oh God examine me” the Psalms of David can be heard and read

Crucify me, help me die to the world!

For I do not want to end up like Lot’s favorite girl

The story gets worse when you read in Genesis, for the sisters learned from mom and her own selfishness.

Again & again I say: Remember Lot’s wife 

Remember her and do not turn to the right or to the left, instead focus on Jesus as His way is best 

Unhappy and Vexed

We hear a lot about temptation, but what about vexation?

A happy heart is a thankful heart Madame Blueberry said.

What was that verse about giving thanks the pastor once said?

I desire a heart that is settled on the LORD.

I scroll through my phone looking at random photos and videos when I am bored.

No wonder my heart is both unhappy and sore vexed.

I am worried about what in the world I am going to eat next.

A happy heart is a thankful heart.

Fanny Crosby was blind and wrote hymns galore.

She truly knew no worldly treasures could be found in the store.

A happy heart is a thankful heart.

Joy in the morning, yet there are truly tears in the night.

I look down at the scale and I scream at the sight.

The same ole same ole day in and day out,

Oh except for Sunday, that's when the family is routinely gathered no doubt.

Mom over here, dad in his chair, kids on their tablets and screens everywhere.

A happy heart is a thankful heart.

Just a closer walk with thee, this is what my heart longs for;

But I ignore God's call to wake up at 3am to pray some more.

A happy heart is a thankful heart.

Consider the lilies, the birds snacking at In N Out too, they know more of our Abba's heart than many influencers do.

God is good, God is great we sing but inside our own souls we hate.

We gorge on food and entertainment and friends, and we ignore the book that once caused our hearts to break;

A happy heart is a thankful heart.

I want to be still but there is so much to do.

I want to be quiet and take in the air that you freely give;

I don't want to yield to the busy noises and fast paced world where I live.

I am caught in between the now and not yet.

I think about my health and my blood pressure numbers I resent.
I want to be free to live with childlike wonder,

I want to wonder what God's face looks like when lightning storms and I hear loud thunder.

A happy heart is a thankful heart.

I want to jump in the pool and swim with a smile.

I want to ignore the unread text messages and stay off Instagram for awhile.

I want to lay in the fields so fresh and so green.
I want to know the abundant life John 10 speaks of what did Jesus even mean?

"I want-I need" so I buy it now.

I cut open my amazon box with a smile.

I cry when I think I haven't heard my kid's voice in awhile.

I wonder if I will get to heaven or is my assurance lost?

Am I a chosen lamb, or a goat with a heart of frost?

A happy heart is a thankful heart.

Delight yourself in Yahweh, praise His Name now and forever.

Help me sing out of tune and write poems to you hold the eternal promises that can never be severed;

May I weep during communion so thankful I am alive.

May I care not of the things the commercials say I must buy.

May I love the LORD and His people....each one unique "Imago dei,"

May I drown out the lies that that Serpent tries to say.

Help me dream of playing with grandkids not yet born, and teach them how to praise the Name of the LORD.

Help me find gratitude and not despise the day of small things

For the Truth will set me free from accumulating treasures that just grow wings. 

A happy heart is a unhurried heart. 

Forgive me LORD for all the worry and fretting I do

Help me think less of me and sharpen my gaze towards You! 

Bible Study with Jesus

 

Bible Study with Jesus

It doesnt make sense it doesnt make sense

A prophet is here

They hollered and cried

But now

We saw him scourged and left to die

 It doesnt make sense it doesnt make sense

This Sojourner knows every detail, and has so much knowledge… 

It doesnt make sense at all

He has not been schooled or attended college…

 It doesnt make sense It doesnt make sense

Something’s funny here

My chest is on fire and truths are coming clear

And yet…

It doesnt make sense It doesnt make sense

Don’t leave yet! 

Linger longer…I’m hanging on your every Word

I want to know what you are saying you have supernatural insights that’s for sure! 

It doesnt make sense It doesnt make sense

He called us foolish men and slow of heart to believe 

But on this road to Emmaus my heart now receives….

It doesnt make sense and yet now it makes perfect sense!

My eyes were opened finally! 

at last I see! 

He broke the bread and I realized Jesus was speaking to me ! 

There is no other day that I can recall, where I was personally taught the Bible by the LORD of All!

He vanished ! Left abruptly from us, want me to tell you the story again? 

As we walked I hung on every Word He was like my oldest closest dearest Rabbi friend! 

Jesus forgive me for not seeing you  before, my senses were dull and my knowledge of the Suffering Servant was flawed

But now I want to tell everyone who you are

My King and My God!  

Treasures

 It is written “bear each other’s burdens”

I have beautifully witnessed this at the Joni & Friends family retreat. 

 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”

‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭23‬-‭24‬ ‭ESV‬‬

When we serve others, we do it out of love to Christ. However, when we practice the one anothers we sometimes forget we are doing the act as service to the LORD.

If you give a cup of cold water, you did it unto Me;

I have seen a mom pull out hulk-like strength to lift her child from wheel chair to a fun go-kart ride -all done out of love to Jesus-the disabled child is simply the conduit.

I have witnessed dads dress up in silly costumes and dance with their adult daughters twirling them around, all done out of love to Jesus-the disabled children are simply the conduits.

I have witnessed neuro-typical siblings choose to sacrificially give up time with friends, to care for a child who wears diapers, can only drink out of special cups and is prone to wonder off, all done out of love to Jesus-the disabled child is simply the conduit.

I have seen a pastor with not one but two disabled children sleep deprived because of a migraine get up and preach a sermon to parents desperately in need of encouragement and to be drenched again by the Truth of the Gospel, all done out of love to Jesus-the disabled child’s parents were simply the conduits.

I have seen servant after servant give and give watching God supply to each servant exactly what was needed! 

I have seen treasures stored in Heaven, for Christ Himself is the treasure! 

So as tired campers are buckled in their handicapped plated vans, the costumes are packed away, the lanyards with printed name tags are thrown in the luggage bag, each family will have grown closer to each other, closer to their brothers and sisters in Christ and saw a glimpse of Christ as He was magnified in weak bodies and fortified in their souls!