Remembering Lot’s wife…

Remember Lot’s wife

On the go, they ran and ran, she didn’t really have time to make a plan

Remember Lot’s wife

Charm is deceitful and she likely had both demands on her worldly appetites kept her in a chokehold

Remember Lot’s wife

A blushing bride, we do not know her history or name, dust to dust ashes to ashes were her claim to fame

Remember Lot’s wife

Lot is called righteous in 2 Peter chapter 2, but Lot’s wife endeavored to dress cuter than you

She had it all (in the world’s eyes) or so it seems, her husband was wealthy and could fulfill her dreams and needs

Remember Lot’s wife

Lusted for Sodom’s door knob, never worked or suffered or had a job; Her joy was not in Yahweh, only her outer adornment and looks unlike bookish Lot praying and studying the Holy Book 

He desired to follow in Uncle Abraham’s footsteps 

But his wife did not enjoy the lessons she dreamt of where to travel next

Remember Lot’s wife-these three words spoken by Jesus, the next two we all know by heart “Jesus wept”

Remember Lot’s wife, so sound the alarm!

It’s hard to be a woman with life’s endless demands, but Christ says come to me all who labor let Me give you a hand

She left Sodom in a hurry but Gommorah -these twin cities never abandoned her heart

She turned around with longing eyes, city life was her goal from the start

She was living the dream, but that was the problem you see

She put myself “I” and me before the King of Kings and worshipped her own selfish identity

Before we point a finger we should look in the mirror instead, “search my heart oh God examine me” the Psalms of David can be heard and read

Crucify me, help me die to the world!

For I do not want to end up like Lot’s favorite girl

The story gets worse when you read in Genesis, for the sisters learned from mom and her own selfishness.

Again & again I say: Remember Lot’s wife 

Remember her and do not turn to the right or to the left, instead focus on Jesus as His way is best 

Unhappy and Vexed

We hear a lot about temptation, but what about vexation?

A happy heart is a thankful heart Madame Blueberry said.

What was that verse about giving thanks the pastor once said?

I desire a heart that is settled on the LORD.

I scroll through my phone looking at random photos and videos when I am bored.

No wonder my heart is both unhappy and sore vexed.

I am worried about what in the world I am going to eat next.

A happy heart is a thankful heart.

Fanny Crosby was blind and wrote hymns galore.

She truly knew no worldly treasures could be found in the store.

A happy heart is a thankful heart.

Joy in the morning, yet there are truly tears in the night.

I look down at the scale and I scream at the sight.

The same ole same ole day in and day out,

Oh except for Sunday, that's when the family is routinely gathered no doubt.

Mom over here, dad in his chair, kids on their tablets and screens everywhere.

A happy heart is a thankful heart.

Just a closer walk with thee, this is what my heart longs for;

But I ignore God's call to wake up at 3am to pray some more.

A happy heart is a thankful heart.

Consider the lilies, the birds snacking at In N Out too, they know more of our Abba's heart than many influencers do.

God is good, God is great we sing but inside our own souls we hate.

We gorge on food and entertainment and friends, and we ignore the book that once caused our hearts to break;

A happy heart is a thankful heart.

I want to be still but there is so much to do.

I want to be quiet and take in the air that you freely give;

I don't want to yield to the busy noises and fast paced world where I live.

I am caught in between the now and not yet.

I think about my health and my blood pressure numbers I resent.
I want to be free to live with childlike wonder,

I want to wonder what God's face looks like when lightning storms and I hear loud thunder.

A happy heart is a thankful heart.

I want to jump in the pool and swim with a smile.

I want to ignore the unread text messages and stay off Instagram for awhile.

I want to lay in the fields so fresh and so green.
I want to know the abundant life John 10 speaks of what did Jesus even mean?

"I want-I need" so I buy it now.

I cut open my amazon box with a smile.

I cry when I think I haven't heard my kid's voice in awhile.

I wonder if I will get to heaven or is my assurance lost?

Am I a chosen lamb, or a goat with a heart of frost?

A happy heart is a thankful heart.

Delight yourself in Yahweh, praise His Name now and forever.

Help me sing out of tune and write poems to you hold the eternal promises that can never be severed;

May I weep during communion so thankful I am alive.

May I care not of the things the commercials say I must buy.

May I love the LORD and His people....each one unique "Imago dei,"

May I drown out the lies that that Serpent tries to say.

Help me dream of playing with grandkids not yet born, and teach them how to praise the Name of the LORD.

Help me find gratitude and not despise the day of small things

For the Truth will set me free from accumulating treasures that just grow wings. 

A happy heart is a unhurried heart. 

Forgive me LORD for all the worry and fretting I do

Help me think less of me and sharpen my gaze towards You! 

Bible Study with Jesus

 

Bible Study with Jesus

It doesnt make sense it doesnt make sense

A prophet is here

They hollered and cried

But now

We saw him scourged and left to die

 It doesnt make sense it doesnt make sense

This Sojourner knows every detail, and has so much knowledge… 

It doesnt make sense at all

He has not been schooled or attended college…

 It doesnt make sense It doesnt make sense

Something’s funny here

My chest is on fire and truths are coming clear

And yet…

It doesnt make sense It doesnt make sense

Don’t leave yet! 

Linger longer…I’m hanging on your every Word

I want to know what you are saying you have supernatural insights that’s for sure! 

It doesnt make sense It doesnt make sense

He called us foolish men and slow of heart to believe 

But on this road to Emmaus my heart now receives….

It doesnt make sense and yet now it makes perfect sense!

My eyes were opened finally! 

at last I see! 

He broke the bread and I realized Jesus was speaking to me ! 

There is no other day that I can recall, where I was personally taught the Bible by the LORD of All!

He vanished ! Left abruptly from us, want me to tell you the story again? 

As we walked I hung on every Word He was like my oldest closest dearest Rabbi friend! 

Jesus forgive me for not seeing you  before, my senses were dull and my knowledge of the Suffering Servant was flawed

But now I want to tell everyone who you are

My King and My God!  

Treasures

 It is written “bear each other’s burdens”

I have beautifully witnessed this at the Joni & Friends family retreat. 

 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”

‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭23‬-‭24‬ ‭ESV‬‬

When we serve others, we do it out of love to Christ. However, when we practice the one anothers we sometimes forget we are doing the act as service to the LORD.

If you give a cup of cold water, you did it unto Me;

I have seen a mom pull out hulk-like strength to lift her child from wheel chair to a fun go-kart ride -all done out of love to Jesus-the disabled child is simply the conduit.

I have witnessed dads dress up in silly costumes and dance with their adult daughters twirling them around, all done out of love to Jesus-the disabled children are simply the conduits.

I have witnessed neuro-typical siblings choose to sacrificially give up time with friends, to care for a child who wears diapers, can only drink out of special cups and is prone to wonder off, all done out of love to Jesus-the disabled child is simply the conduit.

I have seen a pastor with not one but two disabled children sleep deprived because of a migraine get up and preach a sermon to parents desperately in need of encouragement and to be drenched again by the Truth of the Gospel, all done out of love to Jesus-the disabled child’s parents were simply the conduits.

I have seen servant after servant give and give watching God supply to each servant exactly what was needed! 

I have seen treasures stored in Heaven, for Christ Himself is the treasure! 

So as tired campers are buckled in their handicapped plated vans, the costumes are packed away, the lanyards with printed name tags are thrown in the luggage bag, each family will have grown closer to each other, closer to their brothers and sisters in Christ and saw a glimpse of Christ as He was magnified in weak bodies and fortified in their souls!  

Paperclip

 Pray in His Strength*

Last night Isaac was trying to go to sleep. He came out from his room & said “paperclip.” 

One word. 

Paperclip. 

Very strange. 

I said “show me.” 

He then shifted his 193 lb body and lifted his foot to me. 

When I looked closely, one of his toe nails needed to be clipped. 

Seems small, but this is a big deal. Anything out of place, a scab, a blister, a nail that is chipping…a tag on clothes…these things really bother him. 

He even pulled off a whole toe nail before. Broke my heart! 

For him to show me that his toe nail was bothering him and to say verbally “paper clip” was his way of saying:

 “Mom, I know I can come to you for anything. I know it’s bed time & you are going to tell me for the 5th time to go to sleep. But this is different.   I don’t have the ability to clip my own nails. But you do! Please help me. I promise once this toe issue is settled I’ll feel better, calm, soothed & I can then go to sleep.”

This morning….thinking on this…I realized Isaac saying “paperclip” is like our fumbling over our words in prayer. 

We go to God with groanings. We ask without really knowing what our needs are. Yet in faithful trust we pray anyway ….. we know full well our Gracious Caregiver God, our Abba Father will translate our toddler babble-prayers into eloquence. Even sighs are prayers. Even tears are prayers. He hears it all, sees it all & doesn’t say “go back to bed!” He settles us. He helps us! 

What an amazing God we serve! 

May we all be encouraged by Isaac today to ask for help & pray in the strength of the Holy Spirit. 

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words”

Romans 8:26

Big Sister Olivia Grace

 Some words about my daughter before her special needs brother‘s 18th birthday

Olivia Grace, how I love that name oh how I love that name. You’ve lived a good life the best that we tried to give …. we tried to tell you the truth so that you wouldn’t believe the lies that would undoubtedly be fed to you by the world.

you didn’t ask to be Isaac‘s sister you were born first.

you were the epitome of the easy child 

you and I prayed together that Isaac would get better, but then we watched him get worse…

I’ll never forget that one time you were crying in your room Isaac was banging on the wall

The wall that connected your room to his, he was being loud as usual in a language that only he knows. 

You wept at the gravity of it all…  When you were younger, you were definitely his fiercest advocate at a park or birthday party. 

You were always willing to explain to others that he was your brother and that he was different. 

The Autism slogan “different not less” doesn’t really match our experience and I don’t believe it matches your experience either as a sibling to Isaac….

you did get less 

you got less of our time 

you got less of our attention 

you got less of our energy 

you got less of us…

My heart was crushed when you honestly told dad and I that you felt like you got our leftovers. 

They were piercing words, but they were true words. 

I always enjoyed our few “autism-free” mommy daughter time, but the reality was those moments would end …but Autism wouldn’t 

I never had dreams of you getting lost in the woods, I never had dreams of you dying young. 

Those are the kind of dreams that I dreamt about your brother.

I didn’t have to dream for you. 

You were living it!

When you got your first pointe shoes when you were cast as Rose when you became the diamond princess 

when you passed your AP classes when you learned to drive

when you prayed and read without promptings by me or dad

I would always compliment you & tell you how special and unique you are. I know this is true. 

God gifted you in so many ways…

Nobody knows what you endured.

Nobody can prepare a child for something like this. I wish I could say on the day before Isaac’s 18th birthday that you’ve arrived, but I can’t say that because none of us will ever arrive at living this disabled caregiving life. 

The scriptures became loud to us

God‘s love became so apparent every 1 to 1 time you and I could have together felt like manna from heaven.

As you’re about to turn 20, this is the one time of year when you and Isaac are one year apart yet it has always felt like you both come from different planets. 

You live and navigate the planet of normal when you’re in college, but you have to come back to our reality when you come home to our humble street. 

I want to say that I’m sorry you didn’t have a normal childhood, but I can’t say that. 

I cannot say that anymore because it is a God-given privilege to have a thorny life.

you’ve been blessed to be Isaac‘s big sister

God used him to help shape you to be caring, loving & other centered and you are a precious young lady after God‘s own heart… there are a lot of things that we have not been able to do as a family of four …but I know that you’ll be able to do those things in your future and I’m grateful. I’m grateful for every time you kept an eye on Isaac so I could take a shower. I’m grateful. I’m grateful for the times when you prayed when my words felt flat or I was too busy crying. 

I’m grateful for the way you check in on me and you can tell that I am not OK even when I say that I am.

I’m grateful for the way that you make me laugh. I’m grateful for the way that you bring joy to everyone who knows you

 I’m grateful for the fact that you’re a deep thinker and I’m grateful that you are not bitter towards God for Isaac and all of his quirks and otherworldly melt downs. 

I love you more than words could ever say and I’m blessed at the young lady you are!

you are so much more than Isaac’s sister for you are Yahweh’s daughter

Thankful to the LORD for the gift of you!

Decorate my heart Lord

 Lord make me sparkly on the inside. I have nothing to decorate with. I ask that you would provide the materials, the garland delights, the ornaments, the bows too my Lord, make me delightful on the inside!

Pure and undefiled like a winter white snow. 

I thank you Lord, these fresh trees oak, juniper, pine….

these are more beautiful to behold!

Your Tree of Life is more glorious than a seasonal Christmas tree….

Develop in me the Fruit of the Spirit that I may become a tree as Psalm 1 reads.

Help me have deep roots, strong bark that endures, harsh winters and hot blustering summers. 

Lord make me sparkly on the inside!  Decorate my heart!

Don’t let me neglect your touch in any area. 

Reveal the depths of my soul, the wicked parts stained by the fall….go forward, tear down walls to make my heart the home for you!

I know that any tree that you decorate will bear much fruit. Decorate my heart!

Decorate my soul!

Help me to release my ideas of what a life of beauty should be.

Help me see as you see, think as you think hear as you hear.

I don’t want to be a dead artificial tree that’s put up in the rafters. 

I want to be a tree that bears fruit for years to come ….

Lord as I meditate on your Word, praise you in the valley, live for you, abide in you & learn of your meek and lowly ways, make me sparkle on the inside for you are the Ancient of Days!