Treasures

 It is written “bear each other’s burdens”

I have beautifully witnessed this at the Joni & Friends family retreat. 

 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”

‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭23‬-‭24‬ ‭ESV‬‬

When we serve others, we do it out of love to Christ. However, when we practice the one anothers we sometimes forget we are doing the act as service to the LORD.

If you give a cup of cold water, you did it unto Me;

I have seen a mom pull out hulk-like strength to lift her child from wheel chair to a fun go-kart ride -all done out of love to Jesus-the disabled child is simply the conduit.

I have witnessed dads dress up in silly costumes and dance with their adult daughters twirling them around, all done out of love to Jesus-the disabled children are simply the conduits.

I have witnessed neuro-typical siblings choose to sacrificially give up time with friends, to care for a child who wears diapers, can only drink out of special cups and is prone to wonder off, all done out of love to Jesus-the disabled child is simply the conduit.

I have seen a pastor with not one but two disabled children sleep deprived because of a migraine get up and preach a sermon to parents desperately in need of encouragement and to be drenched again by the Truth of the Gospel, all done out of love to Jesus-the disabled child’s parents were simply the conduits.

I have seen servant after servant give and give watching God supply to each servant exactly what was needed! 

I have seen treasures stored in Heaven, for Christ Himself is the treasure! 

So as tired campers are buckled in their handicapped plated vans, the costumes are packed away, the lanyards with printed name tags are thrown in the luggage bag, each family will have grown closer to each other, closer to their brothers and sisters in Christ and saw a glimpse of Christ as He was magnified in weak bodies and fortified in their souls!  

Paperclip

 Pray in His Strength*

Last night Isaac was trying to go to sleep. He came out from his room & said “paperclip.” 

One word. 

Paperclip. 

Very strange. 

I said “show me.” 

He then shifted his 193 lb body and lifted his foot to me. 

When I looked closely, one of his toe nails needed to be clipped. 

Seems small, but this is a big deal. Anything out of place, a scab, a blister, a nail that is chipping…a tag on clothes…these things really bother him. 

He even pulled off a whole toe nail before. Broke my heart! 

For him to show me that his toe nail was bothering him and to say verbally “paper clip” was his way of saying:

 “Mom, I know I can come to you for anything. I know it’s bed time & you are going to tell me for the 5th time to go to sleep. But this is different.   I don’t have the ability to clip my own nails. But you do! Please help me. I promise once this toe issue is settled I’ll feel better, calm, soothed & I can then go to sleep.”

This morning….thinking on this…I realized Isaac saying “paperclip” is like our fumbling over our words in prayer. 

We go to God with groanings. We ask without really knowing what our needs are. Yet in faithful trust we pray anyway ….. we know full well our Gracious Caregiver God, our Abba Father will translate our toddler babble-prayers into eloquence. Even sighs are prayers. Even tears are prayers. He hears it all, sees it all & doesn’t say “go back to bed!” He settles us. He helps us! 

What an amazing God we serve! 

May we all be encouraged by Isaac today to ask for help & pray in the strength of the Holy Spirit. 

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words”

Romans 8:26

Big Sister Olivia Grace

 Some words about my daughter before her special needs brother‘s 18th birthday

Olivia Grace, how I love that name oh how I love that name. You’ve lived a good life the best that we tried to give …. we tried to tell you the truth so that you wouldn’t believe the lies that would undoubtedly be fed to you by the world.

you didn’t ask to be Isaac‘s sister you were born first.

you were the epitome of the easy child 

you and I prayed together that Isaac would get better, but then we watched him get worse…

I’ll never forget that one time you were crying in your room Isaac was banging on the wall

The wall that connected your room to his, he was being loud as usual in a language that only he knows. 

You wept at the gravity of it all…  When you were younger, you were definitely his fiercest advocate at a park or birthday party. 

You were always willing to explain to others that he was your brother and that he was different. 

The Autism slogan “different not less” doesn’t really match our experience and I don’t believe it matches your experience either as a sibling to Isaac….

you did get less 

you got less of our time 

you got less of our attention 

you got less of our energy 

you got less of us…

My heart was crushed when you honestly told dad and I that you felt like you got our leftovers. 

They were piercing words, but they were true words. 

I always enjoyed our few “autism-free” mommy daughter time, but the reality was those moments would end …but Autism wouldn’t 

I never had dreams of you getting lost in the woods, I never had dreams of you dying young. 

Those are the kind of dreams that I dreamt about your brother.

I didn’t have to dream for you. 

You were living it!

When you got your first pointe shoes when you were cast as Rose when you became the diamond princess 

when you passed your AP classes when you learned to drive

when you prayed and read without promptings by me or dad

I would always compliment you & tell you how special and unique you are. I know this is true. 

God gifted you in so many ways…

Nobody knows what you endured.

Nobody can prepare a child for something like this. I wish I could say on the day before Isaac’s 18th birthday that you’ve arrived, but I can’t say that because none of us will ever arrive at living this disabled caregiving life. 

The scriptures became loud to us

God‘s love became so apparent every 1 to 1 time you and I could have together felt like manna from heaven.

As you’re about to turn 20, this is the one time of year when you and Isaac are one year apart yet it has always felt like you both come from different planets. 

You live and navigate the planet of normal when you’re in college, but you have to come back to our reality when you come home to our humble street. 

I want to say that I’m sorry you didn’t have a normal childhood, but I can’t say that. 

I cannot say that anymore because it is a God-given privilege to have a thorny life.

you’ve been blessed to be Isaac‘s big sister

God used him to help shape you to be caring, loving & other centered and you are a precious young lady after God‘s own heart… there are a lot of things that we have not been able to do as a family of four …but I know that you’ll be able to do those things in your future and I’m grateful. I’m grateful for every time you kept an eye on Isaac so I could take a shower. I’m grateful. I’m grateful for the times when you prayed when my words felt flat or I was too busy crying. 

I’m grateful for the way you check in on me and you can tell that I am not OK even when I say that I am.

I’m grateful for the way that you make me laugh. I’m grateful for the way that you bring joy to everyone who knows you

 I’m grateful for the fact that you’re a deep thinker and I’m grateful that you are not bitter towards God for Isaac and all of his quirks and otherworldly melt downs. 

I love you more than words could ever say and I’m blessed at the young lady you are!

you are so much more than Isaac’s sister for you are Yahweh’s daughter

Thankful to the LORD for the gift of you!

Decorate my heart Lord

 Lord make me sparkly on the inside. I have nothing to decorate with. I ask that you would provide the materials, the garland delights, the ornaments, the bows too my Lord, make me delightful on the inside!

Pure and undefiled like a winter white snow. 

I thank you Lord, these fresh trees oak, juniper, pine….

these are more beautiful to behold!

Your Tree of Life is more glorious than a seasonal Christmas tree….

Develop in me the Fruit of the Spirit that I may become a tree as Psalm 1 reads.

Help me have deep roots, strong bark that endures, harsh winters and hot blustering summers. 

Lord make me sparkly on the inside!  Decorate my heart!

Don’t let me neglect your touch in any area. 

Reveal the depths of my soul, the wicked parts stained by the fall….go forward, tear down walls to make my heart the home for you!

I know that any tree that you decorate will bear much fruit. Decorate my heart!

Decorate my soul!

Help me to release my ideas of what a life of beauty should be.

Help me see as you see, think as you think hear as you hear.

I don’t want to be a dead artificial tree that’s put up in the rafters. 

I want to be a tree that bears fruit for years to come ….

Lord as I meditate on your Word, praise you in the valley, live for you, abide in you & learn of your meek and lowly ways, make me sparkle on the inside for you are the Ancient of Days!  

Christmas Morning

Every year I get grumpy faces from loved ones when asked this all too familiar question:

What would you like for Christmas?

I usually say "Nothing. I can't think of anything. Let me get back to you."

I just do not want anything.

It's not that I do not like presents.

It's that can you think of something under a tree that truly satisfied you?

Can you think of a gift your received last Christmas?

Or maybe 5 Christmas days ago?

Perhaps you can remember, but presents are delightful but they do not satisfy us like the eternal life Christ gives us.

On Christmas morning, it is so wonderful to see small children smile and run and get excited and delighted. However, the older we get, the less "wonder" we feel or experience. 

We are not small children and we are not counting down the days until Dec 25 like we once did as a child. Instead, we have a longing for true joy and for year long, lifelong wonder that is an ache you can't shake.

Only God. Only Yahweh. Only Christ Himself who is both the Son of God and Creator (Elohim) can satisfy us. 

 "Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days."

Psalm 90:14

I am not trying to make Christmas morning out to be a bummer. I love when kids are excited. And families read scripture and recall how awesome it was that the wise men brought gold, frankincense and myrrh to Jesus- our Prophet, Priest and King. 

However, I am trying to redirect our gaze to the true Gift of God. 

God Himself. Christ -the Chief cornerstone!

Cozy Christmas

Years ago I was a Gold Canyon Candle consultant. I enjoyed selling these double wick candles because their fragrance fills the room. I love when you enter a home and can smell a fragrant aroma and see a candle lit!

There was a bright red candle called "Cozy Christmas." 

The company is no longer in business (sadly) However, I always remember the Pomegranate fragrance (a best seller!) and the Cozy Christmas scent (only available during Winter). 

When you think of a "birthing room" the last word you would use to describe it is cozy.

Mary who is swollen, in her last trimester, is now in active labor and is about to give birth to a child, event though she never knew a man. 

The first Christmas was anything but cozy. 

I think it's ironic that the nostalgia and comforts and cozy atmosphere of our Christmas mornings are nothing at all like what Jospeh and Mary and our LORD, the infant Christ-King experienced. 

The fragrance? Not at all like a scented candle.

The smell was pungent, putrid and disgusting. 

Cow urine. Donkey doo-doo. Sheep funkiness. 

The smells were anything but cozy. There were no warm sugar cookie smells or peppermint thrills or make your stomach growl ham scents coming from an oven. 

The smell swirling around in the inn must have been a tinge of what our sin reeks of. 

Pungent, putrid and disgusting. 

Smells like wrecked marriages, tragic deaths, car accidents, miscarriage of a newborn, miscarriage of justice, loneliness, loss of job, loss of life, loss of dreams, loss of innocence, betrayal of a friend, lies, crimes, and ugly thoughts...bullying, a prodigal's blasphemy, you name the sin...Christ bore them all!

The pain of Mary, the angst of Jospeh and the fatigue of the newborn King. Everyone felt pain. Mary sore from giving birth. Joseph still in a fog as to the reality of what just happened. Baby Jesus, the cradle stall nothing like His heavenly throne...

However, a new day is coming! A dawn will break through! 

A day when the Dayspring on High will reign in sublime glory! Christ the Savior is born. His sinless life pointed to His Father's approval. When the veil was torn in two, our separation anxiety was defeated. We no longer reek of sin. We now wear the robes of Righteousness. Jehovah Tsidkenu- the LORD our righteousness took the wrath of God in our stead. 

The contrast of our dreamy Cozy Christmas scene with the real incarnate Lamb of God laying in a manger next to stinky smelly animals is telling. Do you really know this Jesus? Do you really celebrate His birth? Or do you just smile at the manger and say "Ah" 

Christ does not ask for us to be sentimental this time of year. I believe we are to be reverent and sober minded. 

It doesn't mean we can't take our kids to see Christmas lights, or dress up in ugly Christmas sweaters or bake cookies. We can do these things.

But my prayer is that we will also think of how smelly our sins are. We will marinate on this truth- Christ died to save sinners, a sinner LIKE ME. 

If we look at the babe in the manger, and we sing "what Child is this?" but neglect to repent and worship Him and laud Him King of Kings and Lord of LORDs, we've missed it...for our Lamb of God was slain. That babe was born to be slaughtered for our sins. 

Dr. John MacArthur notes that in Hebrews 10:20 we have a "new and living way" when we are born again. "New" is prophatos which means "freshly slaughtered." The old testament sacrificial system is done with. Now, we have Jesus the FRESH way opened up for us! 

Our true comfort and peace resides not in something but SOMEONE-Jesus.

Let's Worship Him in Spirt and in Truth this Christmas and always! 

O Come Immanuel

Christmas brings many joys and memories. Wide eyes and twinkle lights. Presents. Cookie aroma, cider scent and frankincense. 

But the greatest of these is LOVE. (1 Corinthians 13)

We sing Oh come oh come Immanuel.

I truly love this song.

It allows us an opportunity to sing the Gospel. 

The lyrics so familiar, deep and beautiful and true:

 "O come, o come, Emmanuel

And ransom captive Israel

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the Son of God appear

Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, o Israel

O come, Thou Day-Spring

Come and cheer

Our spirits by Thine advent here

Disperse the gloomy clouds of night

And death's dark shadows put to flight

Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, o Israel

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free

Thine own from Satan's tyranny

From depths of hell Thy people save

And give them victory o'er the grave

Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, o Israel

Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, o Israel"

During Christmas, we celebrate Christ's birth-An Old Covenant Promise in New Testament reality. We also celebrate what hope we have in Christ now and the promises to come in eternity too. 

Emmanuel did come to ransom captive Israel.

But Emmanuel also came for us today, in 2025, in modern day America.

Disperse the gloomy clouds of night?

As spoiled sun-tanned California residents, many of us do not understand gloomy clouds of night. We enjoy sunshine many days year-round. However, there are many parts of the world with bitter cold winters. The clouds make the cold feel worse. 

The coldness of night is nothing compared to what this Christmas Carol is suggesting. An eternity awaits us in heaven or hell. We must repent and seek Jesus! He is the only Way and He beckons us- COME! 

We all have a date with death and then we meet our Creator God.

Those of us who are believes, we are so blessed to sing this Christmas song and rejoice that our Savior, Messiah Jesus, Immanuel God with us is here!