Great Cloud of Witnesses

Ever wonder what your loved one who passed away is looking at?

I do.

Pastor Greg Laurie was speaking on heaven the other day and I caught a bit of it on the radio.

Heaven.

We all long to be there...

Yet when someone passes away abruptly we say "Gone too soon."

My friend Sally Palacios passed away from COVID in 2021. She was 46 and very full of life.

She loved Jesus and served Him so passionately.

At her service, one of the speakers said that there were a lot of children coughing and rubbing their noses during VBS (Vacation Bible School). 

She said, "Well if I get COVID, and if I pass away, at least I will know I died serving the LORD."

I do not know for certain how or when she got COVID but she understood the reality of this pandemic. 

In fact, her mom passed away from COVID months earlier...

She knew COVID could be deadly...

I prayed fervently for her.

I loved her very much although I had not seen in her in a few years...We had a friendship- a joy in Jesus-ship where if she called me or text me or either of us posted on social media about the LORD, we encouraged each other...

When she passed...I couldn't help but weep for days and days...

One day I drove Olivia to dance class and needed this time alone in the car to cry and talk to Jesus.

I prayed "God her life is over."

The LORD spoke to my heart in His still small voice, "Who said her life is over? It's only just begun"

Wow.

My mind was blown.

As a believer, we know "To be absent from the body is to be present with the LORD." This is straight Truth. (2 Cor 5:8)

However, when someone is physically gone...Their spirit has departed their body and they now have no oxygen...we immediately feel so heart broken for the family and friends and even ourselves. 

Tim entered eternity on 1/1/22. A heartbreaking phone call at 9:00am on New Year's Day. Timmed passed. I immediately started to cry and my sweet boy Isaac sad "Mommy sad. She went away."

He understood!

I cannot explain it. But somehow someway Isaac understood that our friend had passed from this life to the next.

When we think and ponder heaven, it can be easy to get weird and say "They are angels now" or "They are smiling down on us" or "They are resting in peace"

But what does the Bible say about heaven? 

Greg Laurie said recently "Your loved one who accepted Jesus is now HOME. They are home. We miss them dearly. We are homesick for a place we haven't visited yet. Like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, "There's No Place Like Home"

Yes Jesus! You are our Home. You are our true Home. We are just pilgrim's passing through.

My husband was reflecting on Tim's life. They had a friendship that spanned decades. He met Timmy Krueger when Tim was 15 and Chuck was 17. Tim went to heaven at the age of 42. 

Chuck was praying and thinking and shared something so powerful with me.

Tim was a very big baseball fan. 

Chuck shared, "God gave me an image. Tim made it to home plate. The bases were loaded. He hit the ball and he ran. He ran and ran and made it home. The coach ran out to hug him. The crowd cheered! He made it! He made it home. Well done good and faithful servant."

Who was in the crowd?

Who is up in the stands cheering?

"Therefore we also since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith....who for the joy that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising the shame and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2

Prior to this verse, the book of Hebrews outlines the hall of faith...many are listed by name including Abraham, Sarah, Moses, Rahab, Gideon, David, Samuel, martyrs (people who died physically for their faith)... (see Hebrews 11:1-40)

The great cloud of witnesses are ALL the saints from Adam all the way through the saints who passed in 2020, 2021 and even in 2022...

Tim heard well done good and faithful servant.

Sally heard well done good and faithful servant.

The angels and saints cheered, but more awe inspiring than this is that JESUS welcomed them home.

We ARE called to run this race.

We do not know how many days on earth we will each have.

For Tim it was 42, for Sally 46, for Chuck's grandma 96, for Lenya Lusko (Pastor Levi and Jennie Lusko's daughter, it was 5. I just received a prayer request for a mom I do not know-her 2 year old daughter died suddenly this week. 2 years. Can you imagine?

God remembers our frame that we are dust. 

I confess that I am eager to meet with Jesus, kiss the feet of Jesus, worship Jesus and put my fingers in his nail printed hands than I am to see the great cloud of witnesses....Yet they will be part of the welcoming party too!

For those of you who are sports fans...you witnessed NBA teams play with no fans. You witnessed football teams play in empty stadiums. It is just not the same.

The enthusiasm and excitement crowds bring is just special...I do not have words for it.

For Tim, when he finished his race, he heard cheers. He heard the roar of angels and stampede of friends/family/saints of old cheering him on!

Well done! Well done! You made it!

What a glorious God we serve. He shows us a glimpse of heaven and images to help us understand just a teensy bit of what our loved ones are experiencing.

It is all worth it friends.

All the pain.

All the suffering.

All the trials and tests.

All the ridicule from backslidden family members.

All the tears poured out over special needs children.

All the pain from divorce.

All the stomach aches from fasting...

All the times you stayed up all night praying...

All the headaches from crying...

All the "Why God?" questions...

It will be worth it.

HE IS WORTH IT.

HE IS WORTHY!

Worthy is the lamb!

Pain- Friend or Acquaintance

 I shared with her while she was grieving and...weeping...

"I understand a little bit about pain." It's like "pain is my friend."

"No" she said. "Pain is not your friend."

She was correct. I misspoke. What I meant to say was that pain was "familiar."

I have been thinking about this and pondering the concept of being familiar with pain.

I do not want to walk around like a forever wounded person.

I am free.

I am more than a conqueror in Christ.

However, I do still live every day with the reality of raising a special needs child. 

A child who now wears a 9.5 in Mens shoes. 

A child who cannot clearly state his address or phone number or say his birthdate.

Yes, autism is painful. Autism is familiar and therefore pain is familiar.

I do not want to "stay" in pain/survival mode.

For those of you who know me, you know I am a joyful person. I am not painful to be around (I hope not)

I love Jesus and want to exude His joy, His love, share His Word, His light and encourage others to "keep on keeping on."

I do not want pain to be my friend.

A dear sister in Christ shared with me that she has been waking up at night filled with anxiety.

She says it is because she feels like she must "anticipate" the next bad, or hard or challenging thing that will afflict her life next.

Another sister said she is always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

When you get used to pain, when there is relief for a minute, your brain might sense you are living "in between" trials so to speak. You have your foot hovering over the brake...

This is not healthy which is why I want to expose this...

Isaac has been in a really beautiful season.

He is happy to be back at school. He has not had aggressive behaviors in a long time. He takes his medications every morning and afternoon. He even made a friend at school. No seizures since Nov 29 2020. 

So much to be thankful for!

I am not waiting for the shoe to drop.

I am thankful...I don't wake up anxious. 

Anxiety has not been a problem for me.

My problem is pain.

When others hurt, I hurt.

When others grieve, I grieve.

When others need prayer, I go to battle.

When God calls me to intercede in the middle of the night, I pray "pretending to be asleep" I quietly pray as the LORD leads me.

Sometimes waves of grief sweep over me. 

For example, next month is Valentine's day, the "love month." Now as Christians we know love is Jesus. Jesus is love personified. But for me, I start praying for all the widows who will have their first "husband-less" Valentine's day. To some it may seem superficial, but if you had a spouse who spoiled you on this day and made sure to tell you he loved you with flowers, a card and a lovely dinner, then the day is a big stab in the heart. The LORD prompts my prayers for widows.

How about the "1 year markers." 

Feb 19, 2022 marks one year since my beloved sister in Christ Victoria went home to be with Jesus. I ache and pray for her family often. 

I read an article about a family that was hit by a drunk driver. Three yes THREE siblings all died in the car accident. The mother was in the car too and was rushed to the hospital to fight for her life and did not yet know that her 3 youngest children all passed away. I read this article and cried and asked God to carry this family.

The LORD reminds me that I am a chaplain. No I am not an official chaplain. But I run into these situations and pray and sit and love on people who need Jesus...

The LORD reminded me that HE was familiar with pain.

That He knows and understands pain too.

We are not promised a "pain free" life we are promised He will never leave us nor forsake us.

Have you ever heard a mom say "giving birth was a breeze. It was pain free!"

Absolutely not!

Labor is painful- BUT WORTH IT.

Jesus is worth it.

God reminded me that pain IS NOT my friend. Pain is not my enemy either. 

Pain is an "acquaintance."

An acquaintance is "a person's knowledge or experience of something. Also, a person one knows slightly but who is not a close friend.

BING!

Light bulb!

Isaiah 53:3 says: "He is despised and rejected by men. A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were our faces from Him; He was despised and we did not esteem Him." (NKJV)

The NLT reads: 

He was despised and rejected- a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on Him and looked the other way. He was despised and we did not care.

One version says "He is despised" the other reads "He was despised." This is interesting.

Is Jesus despised today? Yes. Was Jesus despised then? Yes. 

Jesus knows how we feel and He too feels our pain.

Pain is NOT my friend.

Pain is NOT your friend either. 

Pain is an acquaintance. Perhaps our lives are touched by pain so that we can empathize with others. So we can weep with others and rejoice with others.

Pain also heightens gratitude. 

I have a friend who struggled with infertility.

When she got pregnant after years of trying I was so overjoyed I felt like I could burst!

I am excited any time someone is pregnant but this one was different. This friend had years filled with pain. She had many "no's" before she got her "yes."

Pain teaches us how to lean on Jesus and how to be thankful for each gift. 

Warren Wiersbe says that pain and suffering can make us bitter. However, if we choose to make pain our "servant" instead of our master, then we see how Romans 8:28, Gen 50:20 and 2 Cor 1:4 are literally lived out in our lives.

2 Corinthians 1:4 (NLT) reads: 

"He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us."

We must learn lessons from the painful moments and seasons and hide them in our hearts. Then at just the right moment, God will give us an assignment. It's as if we go through the pain, only to be the catalyst to ministry later.
God is prompting our hearts "I now want YOU to share! Share the verses, the treasures, the tools, the memorial stones YOU gathered from your pain-filled journey to encourage another." 

Pain is never wasted!

What a friend we have in Jesus! When we go through pain He weeps with us, lays His hand on our shoulder and says "I am holding your tears in a bottle." "I am near to the broken hearted." "I will restore the joy of your salvation" and truly "blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted."

Jesus was acquainted with pain and He had deep compassion and He implants this gift in us too. 

Let's worship Him and be thankful for heaven where there are no more tears--- only endless praise!

Maranatha!

God says "Yes"

We pray. 

We wait on God.

We hope.

We cling to His Word like a child's hands firmly grasped on the harness while riding a roller coaster.

It hurts and all the evidence points to the inevitable. 

The worst has happened.

The last breathe was taken.

We grieve and mourn and wish for different results. 

I often tell the LORD, "I trust you even though I don't like this. I don't get this. But where else can I go?"

The ceiling has fallen. 

The world appears to halt.

This was not supposed to happen, but it happened.

A divorce. A cancer journey. A child with disabilities. An unfaithful spouse. A pink slip and the words "We have to let you go" A car accident. A child who had so much promise runs away from Jesus.

COVID has reminded us of the brevity of life. 

I confess, it hurts when God says no.

I have begged God for a miracle. 

I watched the sweet movie "Encanto" today. She was not given a gift. Everyone in her family was special. But the main character did not receive a gift. She smiled even though her heart was sad, envious and a little weary. Everyone else got a gift, but she did not receive hers. 

I get this. 

In Encanto, she sings. "I am waiting on a miracle."

So many miracles were performed when Jesus walked the earth.

He healed the blind, lame, those with leprosy, the woman with the issue of blood, he raised the dead, he multiplied food, he healed the demon possessed, He calmed the sea. He is indeed God. Jesus is God.

I often wrestle with when God says "no" to my prayers. 

I hope you wrestle too. Wrestling makes us human and we can't wrestle with someone we don't believe in. 

Faith can be painful because what we want so bad is not happening. It may never happen...We don't always hear "yes" to our prayers and that stings. 

He is a Good Good Father, even when the circumstance is anything but good.

I have reflected quite a bit on the idea of when God says "no."

I don't want to camp there....

I want to reflect on when God says "yes."

God says Yes to grace.

God says Yes to salvation as a free gift.

God says Yes to a reunion with our loved ones who have gone home first. 

God says Yes to beautiful lasting memories.

God says Yes to mercy.

God says Yes to new mercies every morning.

God says Yes to illumination of His Word.

God says Yes to sunrises- made just for you.

God says Yes to starlit skies- again, designed just for you....

God says Yes to kindergarten kisses by small innocent lips. 

God says Yes to taking care of you from your youth to your old age. 

God says Yes to living an abundant life with His Spirit guiding you.

God says Yes to listening to your broken record prayers.

God says Yes to bind up fresh wounds.

God says Yes to healing your old scars.

God says Yes to making new wine out of you.

God says Yes to working all things together for His good...

He says Yes.

It's like we are asking Him to marry us...

We wait with eager anticipation...

He loves me? He loves me not.

Jesus says "Yes! I will be your bridegroom. I would go to the Cross all over again. You are worth it. I say Yes" 

Jesus says yes to our salvation, to grace and to eternity with Him. 

We must trust Him...

The Art of Lament

When I am in pain I write.

When I write, it does not always make sense... Thank you in advance for your tenderness.

I am not a theologian or scholar or ardent student of the subject of pain and suffering. I am not an authority on the subject.

I am a girl with a blog and we all gotta start somewhere right?

Lament can be a noun or verb.

Lament (noun) A passionate expression of grief or sorrow.

Lament (verb) to mourn (a person's loss or death) or to express one's deep grief about something or someone. 

Grief is a process. This is true. We do not "act" like it's true.

We want people to hurry up, get over it, get better and be back to normal. I want normal and you do too.

The best thing we can do when someone is grieving is just be there. The ministry of presence.

The best thing we can do when someone is lamenting is pray with them and for them.

We must be there for each other to help process grief like Job's friends but NOT like Job's friends in their judgmental/"where's your sin Job" approach. 

Warren Wiersbe's book: "Why us? When Bad Things Happen to God's People" noted a very good point. 

"The basic theme of the book of Job is GOD, not suffering, and the book answers very few questions. However, the book of Job is an important document for our case that God is big enough to help us when life tumbles in." (emphasis mine)

The LORD reminded me of an image.

When I was in college I took a photography class and we even had the opportunity to process the film of the photos we shot.

Photographic processing or photographic development is the chemical process by which photographic film (or paper) is treated after photographic exposure to produce a negative or positive image. 

The chemicals are stinky. 

The process room is dark.

"All photographic processing use a series of chemical baths" one article stated. "Processing especially the development stages, requires very close control of temperature, agitation and time."

Temperature, agitation and time...

Temperature, agitation and time...

ALL in a controlled environment. 

Although the photographic film room is stinky, there is a bubbling of joy and enthusiasm going on inside of you.

Will any of these prints come out nice?

Did I shoot an Ansel Adams worthy work of art?

There is a thrill of hope...Through the stinky process you sense something beautiful will emerge. 

The LORD does promise to bring beauty from ashes but it gets hard to trust this Truth when you've been living with ashes for a long long time. 

We do trust the One in the control room. 

We trust the finger of God holding the thermostat. King Jesus will not use the temperature, agitation and time for nothing....He DOES have a purpose, a Kingdom purpose. But again, it's hard to see this beyond the ashes at times...the ashes of grief and pain and mourning can be blinding. 

Our Awesome Lord reminded me of another image in comforting my heart through this season of lament.

Nursing.

Nursing? Like a baby?

Yes.

I remember when I was nursing Olivia I would feel strong striking pains in my body. What is that?

"Women who breastfeed burn extra calories to make milk...Nursing also triggers contractions that help shrink the uterus making it a workout for the whole body" (from babycenter.com)

Lamentation is like nursing. You are releasing tears all the while feeling contractions in your body yourself. A new birth is coming. A new life will be born. What can be more comforting than a nursing mom with her newborn? The baby is cradled and comforted, but the mom feels the contractions.

Let God cradle you. Let Him nurse you through lament as He holds your tears in a bottle. He wants to comfort you and feed you and let you lean on Him, not on your own understanding. 

I cannot emphasize this enough- Lamenting makes us more like Jesus. 

I know I know, you do not want to hear that. I do not want to say it (or type it) but it's true.

Pain places us at the feet of our Savior. Grief causes us to look to Him over and over and over again.

When I have experienced exuberant joy (the birth of my children, my wedding day, passing the bar exam, other moments like seeing Mt Rainier for the first time or Yellowstone, or even the ocean or a stunning sunrise) the moment is quick. The joy fades. It's so short lived. We can go back to the moment and be re-filled with joy...but it fades. Grief seems to linger. When we are in a season of lamenting...it feels like FOREVER and stays with us like gum on your shoe.

Think of it. We praise HARDER in our season of lament than in our season of joy. In the season of lament our eyes are on the thermostat. God, are you there? Will you turn the temperature down a bit? Are you still in the control room? Please Jesus help! Help! Help!

Our cries are birthing something. We learn to appreciate life again. Breath again. We appreciate His Word again because He brings fresh manna like breakfast in bed when we are dying inside. He brings water to our soul like a drink in Death Valley National Park. We sense Him. Not in a weird mystical way- but in reality. 

HE IS NEAR TO THE BROKEN HEARTED. (Psalm 34:18)

He is there. (Ezekiel 48:35)

He is here. (John 6:20)

Immanuel God with us. (Matt 1:23)

Yahweh Shammah - GOD IS THERE. God is here. 

Some scholars say there are 42 Psalms of lament in scripture and 16 national Psalms of lament. 

They say when you are suffering you should "live" in the Psalms. This is wise and true.

Sorrow may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning. (Psalm 30:5)

Yes, there will be morning after mourning. (Lam 3:23)

There will be laughter after lament. (Luke 6:21)

The whole thing takes time. (Eccl 3:2-4)

It is a process. (Psalm 23) We are wise to learn the art of lament. 

We are strong when our Father cradle us, even when we are crying, let us come and adore Him.

I surrender "a little bit"

My son as you all know has autism.

Part of autism includes unsavory behavior.

The top behavior that I hate, loathe, detest, abhor is BITING.

It is really awful.

He does not bite often but even once a month, or once every 2-3 months is one time too many.

The LORD reminded me of a story and I pray it encourages you...

Years ago my son Isaac would play on his Nana's computer. He was doing something and apparently his cousin (my niece) was up in the mix. 

I was not there at the time. My mom (the world's best Nana) was taking care of Isaac and Julianna (Isaac's neuro-typical cousin).

Isaac would get upset about something and at times bite others.

On this instance my mom went in to the room and Isaac was crying.

"What happened Julie?" My mom inquired.

She responds, "I just a little bit bit him."

This little feisty niece of mine decided to fight fire with fire and she bit him back!!

This never happens.

Usually, when Isaac bites someone they stay away and do not play by him or near him.

On this rare occasion Julie bit him back!

This story still does not make me smile.

You might read it and think, "Well she figured if he is going to bite me, I'll just bite him back."

This is the resolution for typical kids, in typical play settings with typical minds.

This is not how Isaac works.

If you bite him back, he'll still bite you if he is at a level 10 in frustration. 

Kids (and adults) on the spectrum do not have the language to communicate so they will repeat behaviors like hitting, biting, self harm, screaming, tantrums, etc. because they simply do not have an alternate way of expressing themselves. 

To say "this is hard" is the understatement of the century...

Right now, we are in the season of Christmas.

There are decorations everywhere. There are lights all aglow. There are toys to be purchased, there are gifts to be re-gifted, there are cookies to be baked and worship songs to be rehearsed.

It's the most wonderful time of the year....

Well...not for the autism family....

The other day Chuck put up a little Christmas tree.

Just the memory of Christmas trees in our home brings up MANY MANY bad memories.

There is the year Isaac kept breaking the vintage ornaments.

There is the year he opened up presents that Olivia and I painstakingly wrapped.

There is the year Isaac kept saying over and over "Christmas tree Christmas tree" 

There is the year Olivia was in tears saying "Isaac is ruining Christmas" and we ended up taking down all our ornaments and decorations early because it was causing too much anxiety for Isaac.

This year, sweet Isaac wanted a present. The moment the tree went up, he kept asking for a present. I said "I don't have any presents" and he lunged at me aggressively.

I literally calmed him down and later said "You can open a present later" I got a bag, put some snacks and stickers in it and had him open it to "calm" the OCD noise in his head...

The point here is not to discuss autism, our Christmas traditions (or lack thereof) or even the roughness of this season for me....

My point (prompted by the Holy Spirit) has to do with Julianna's comment.

"I just a little bit BIT him"

The LORD has been teaching me ALL over again the lesson of surrender.

I have shared this before...

We sing I SURRENDER ALL-Not I surrender "most" or I surrender "some."

God wants ALL! In Spanish "TODO" He wants full and complete surrender.

We can't just a little bit surrender the way Julianna said she just "a little bit" bit Isaac.

We must surrender ALL.

Mary was told by Simeon "Behold this Child is destined for the fall and rising of many in Israel, and for a sign which will be spoken against (yes, a sword will pierce through your own soul also) that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed" Luke 2:34 

What sword Simeon? Can you elaborate?

Can you imagine how these words must have reveberated in Mary's mind all of her life?

When Jesus was mocked... Is this the sword?

When Jesus' brothers did not believe He was the Messiah... Is this the sword?

When Jesus was betrayed by Judas...Surely this is the sword. 

When Jesus was whipped and beaten and scourged....Finally I understand THIS must be the sword.

No.

When Jesus was nailed to that cross and Mary was there. She did not leave the area. She watched. She watched him come into the world, and she would not allow this horrific moment to be missed either. She watched him say "I thirst." She was the one who always gave him water to drink when he was a young boy and a larger amount of water when he was a teen. 

She heard him say "My God my God why have you forsaken me" and perhaps she was the one who taught Him to read Psalm 22 and now she is seeing Psalm 22 fulfilled before her very eyes. 

I get it Simeon. I get it Abba Father. 

THIS.

This is the sword that was foretold. I am pierced in the heart while He is pierced in His flesh. 

She probably did not get the meaning behind the cross at that moment...

She wanted to.

She wanted to make sense of this Holy moment. "My Son is NOT a martyr. Surely He will rise from the dead. Messiah can do anything. This cannot be the end. My son, my son, my son" She wept bitterly....

Mary must have felt so light headed and faint. It is a miracle in and of itself that she was able to "watch" the crucifixion. 

We can learn a lot from Mary,

Mary did not surrender "a little bit"

Mary did not surrender "some"

Mary did not surrender "most"

Mary surrendered "ALL"

She watched in pain as Jesus her firstborn son, her only son that was born PRIOR to her having relations with Joseph....She watched him die...then she waited.

Mary was in the upper room after Jesus resurrected and ascended. 

Mary was a great woman of faith. 

This Christmas I am learning and re-learning surrender all over again.

I can't just a "little bit" surrender.

I can't surrender a "little bit"

I must surrender all.

Remember Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemene? 
He prayed.

He prayed and He was in deep anguish. Yet He remained laser focused.

"Not my will, Your will be done Abba Father"

There are many things we must surrender. We must take it to the altar over and over and over again. Sometimes MULTIPLE times a day.

I still hate autism. 
I do get deeply grieved when Isaac bites, pinches, pulls hair or gets aggressive. 

However, I must choose surrender over and over because this is what honors God best. 

I do not know what you are struggling with and what you need to surrender. I pray you can glean from this and not surrender a "little bit" but give God your ALL.

Christmas is unique in our home. It is melancholy because we WANT Isaac to enjoy the Christmas season and not experience so much anxiety over the change.

However, I will not "wish" Isaac into anything. What I can do is surrender. I surrender Christmas to you LORD Jesus. 
I surrender the celebrations and all of the things that trigger Isaac.

Whatever you desire, I will choose surrender. Holy Spirit HELP US surrender even when all we can see is an old rugged cross and do not yet see an empty tomb. 

Help us LORD Jesus not miss you this Christmas but truly Worship you and surrender our hearts to you again and again.

I'm Trying to Bless You Bro

Have you ever tried to bless someone only to have it backfire?

On Nov. 2, 2020 Isaac had brain surgery.

Yes, he had brain surgery.

It was a very scary day to put it lightly.

The pediatric neurosurgeon assured us it was a 1 day overnight procedure and recover time would be minimal. "Endoscopic brain surgery to have a fenestration of an arachnoid cyst." That is the name of the procedure. 

After the surgery Isaac was resting in his room. The medical team said he would be groggy and might be nauseous. 

Once Isaac ate 2 meals he would be free to go home. 

He ate small bites but definitely did not have an appetite. 

Finally he finished enough and got the "all clear" to go home. 

We were so excited to see how the procedure would help him.

So much of our life and our home revolves around helping Isaac.

On the way home Chuck said "Let's get Isaac pizza!" This is his favorite food.

We don't buy pizza often because it can cause him to melt down wanting more food and not knowing/understanding when he should stop...

We ordered the pizza and were excited to help Isaac rest and recover at home...

What we neglected to notice was that the doctor said to feed him "light meals" for the next few days. 

Isaac ate the pizza and then vomited.

We felt HORRIBLE.

Here we were trying to bless Isaac and it backfired. He ended up feeling icky and vomited and now we had to clean his room, etc. 

"I was just trying to bless him"

Chuck and I have said this many times. 

We try to bless Isaac only to have the gift become a problem. 

It reminds me of Moses...

God appoints Moses to be the delivered and prophet to lead the children of Israel out of Egypt, out of slavery and into the Promised Land. 

This is what was said to Moses: 

The man said, “Who made you ruler and judge over us? Are you thinking of killing me as you killed the Egyptian?” Then Moses was afraid and thought, “What I did must have become known.” (Exodus 2:14)

Moses had killed an Egyptian man and he was trying to be a blessing...but his behavior backfired. 

In the New Testament Stephen mentions this very incident, "Moses assumed his fellow Israelites would realize that God had sent him to rescue them, but they didn’t." (Acts 7:25)

Moms and Dads are used to this....

You try (and try really hard!) to be a blessing to your kids.

As the saying goes "I am blessed to be a blessing." 

Then later you realize...sometimes our intentions can backfire or go unappreciated. 

I recall a very godly friend of mine was in a counseling session. Her daughter was struggling with same sex attraction and she literally said "I forgive you mom for how you raised me."

WHAT?

This mom had poured love, devotion, care and the child lacked nothing...yet she was now stating emphatically- "You wronged me! You raised me wrong"

I pray this daughter will one day return to the LORD and realize what a blessing her parents are...

Many many times we have thrown up our arms and said to Isaac directly "I was just trying to bless you!"

Isaac has special needs and all the circumstances must be exactly right. For example, if he sees a gift bag, he will want it. I cannot have wrapping paper or gift bags around in the home or he will rip them and assume there are gifts or treats in them. It's very hard. 

My point is this: 

How do we bless God?

How do we bless the LORD in a way that won't backfire?

We often think God wants us to serve Him. Yes! The LORD does love when we serve.

However, we must get to know God's love language. 

Everyone has a love language. I might tell Olivia she is beautiful and she is the most amazing daughter in the world. But using words of affirmation is not her love language. Her main love language is physical touch. She would rather me sit next to her or give her a hug. 

Isaac likes gifts. He does not like hugs...

I think you get the point.

God's love language is Jesus.

Yes-Jesus.

As we love the Son, the Father gets blessed. This will take a lifetime to live out and fully explore. 

In Him (Christ) dwells the fullness of the Godhead bodily. 

This is my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased. 

When we love on Jesus, the Father beams with joy.

We need to grasp this. 

We want to bless God but at times we feel like it "backfires." 

God's Word says "To obey is better than sacrifice" (1 Sam 15:22) and a broken and contrite spirit He will not despise. 

"My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise. Psalm 51:17

Jesus was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.

Keith Green wrote a song "Asleep in the Light"

"Oh, bless me Lord, bless me Lord
You know, it's all I ever hear
No one aches, no one hurts, no one even sheds one tear
But He cries, He weeps, He bleeds
And He cares for your needs
And you just lay back and keep soaking it in
Oh, can't ya see it's such sin?"

In stead of trying to bless God in the way I WANT TO bless Him...I must bless the LORD according to His love language. 

We must decide to bless God by loving Jesus, seeking Jesus, clinging to Jesus, being ambassadors for Jesus, living like Jesus, praying to Jesus, and abiding in Jesus. 

Remember Mary and Martha?

Where was Mary? Sitting at Jesus' feet.

Martha was busy serving and neglected to sit at His feet. 

Jesus was RIGHT THERE in front of her...and she missed an opportunity to get to know Him better. 

Martha would say "I'm just trying to bless you Jesus."

I am trying to bless you with the best meal in town. I am trying to bless you with all of my gifts. I want to bless you with this meal. I want to bless you with my service. 

Somewhere along the line...she missed that Jesus wanted "her" not her services. 

Oh how we need to get this my friends!

Don't forget Jesus as you serve Jesus.

Don't forget to bless the LORD as you are striving to bless Him with your day to day tasks.

Get to know God's love language.

One day Jesus may want you to sit.

Another day Jesus may want you to step out of your comfort zone and serve. 

Lord help us bless you in the way that you desire! 

The Church Machine

 Did you hear the headlines?

Another one fell...

Oh how the valiant have fallen.

Did you hear? (so and so left the church....)

Did you know? (so and so is living with his girlfriend...Tsk Tsk...His parents had such a strong walk with Jesus too.)

Did you hear? Megachurch so and so has (insert big name) speaking at that church! We should go!

What are you doing on Sunday?

Well after church service, I serve, then after that I have a church meeting....

Has the church become a machine?

A business venture? 

A club of "do-good-ers?"

Oh Father! Please no!!!!!!!

I confess I have not heard a message in a long time talking about the very important topic of repentance. 

"Create in me a clean heart oh God and renew a right spirit in me" Psalm 51

I feel like Social Media has both blessed the church and HURT the church in various ways. 

For one, many people watch a 2 minute devotional video and they falsely tell themselves:

"That was my devotion for the day"

Although I love catching little sermonettes or sound bites from social media...this is NOT intimacy with God...

True intimacy with God comes from bearing your soul before your Creator, being still in His presence, reading the Bible, line by line and then spending time in prayer. (Jeremiah 15:16, Psalm 46:10, 1 Kings 19:12)

Like Jon Courson used to say "Read your Bible and pray" every single day. (Psalm 63:1-8)

The other day I was praying and I thought of this term 

"church machine"

Have we become part of the church machine?

Instead of an organic body of Christ have we become robotic and mechanic like terminator? Have we forgotten that Jesus (not Arnold) is the first one that said "I'll be back?"

I don't want to be a part of the church machine. 

I desire to be a part of the body of Christ. 

I want to be open to the Holy Spirit's leading...however that looks and wherever that may be. 

I remember one time I had a rough morning. 

I had gotten in a HUGE argument with Chuck on a Saturday night and then now on Sunday morning I was crying, weeping, lifting my hands in surrender and truly repenting. 

A friend pulled me aside and said "Hey are you ok?"

I was thinking about this the other day.

Are we truly aware of the fact that others around us are hurting?

Do we dare put ourselves out there and ask "Are you ok?"

As part of the church machine....we do not do this enough. 

We need to be real, raw, vulnerable and obedient to the Holy Spirit. It took a lot of courage for that friend to ask me if I was ok. I do not weep that much and she noticed. 

What a blessing and gift. 

Do we slow down enough to notice?

Are we missing out on ministering to God and hearing from God while we do ministry?

I think we are. 

You see...when you read the book of Acts....service to the LORD and others happened everywhere. On the streets, on the way to prayer meetings, during 1:1 prayer time, in corporate prayer time, and it looked different from day to day. This is the venture of faith and excitement I believe we are missing. 

We are so used to how church "should look" and operate that we forget about the Holy Spirit. 

Dr. Timothy Keller said in a sermon the other day hyper spiritual Christians go off "emotional highs" and hyper Bible teaching churches thrive off of "intellectual highs." God wants us to use both- our minds and our hearts. We need both. 

We need the Holy Spirit to ignite us. We need God's Word to ground us. We need both.

My fear is that living in America....we have become soft and weak in our sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. 

When I was young, I did not like scary movies. One of my older cousins said "Just watch it and remind yourself 'this is fake' The blood is fake. The person did not really get killed. it's not real" 

You get de-sensitized and you can watch the movie without fear. 

*(I still don't like scary movies!)

Have we in America lost the fear of God? Have we lost the sensitivity to sin? To the Holy Spirit's prompting?

Have we become a church machine where we go to church, read our Bibles a bit, cry and bit, go home and stay unmoved that there are SO many non-believers dying without Jesus?

This whole Covid pandemic should be making us different! 

We need to be different!

We need to be vibrant, caring, loving God-fearing compassionate people. 

I do not know about you but I am so tired of hearing about masks and vaccines. I am NOT tired of hearing about the Gospel. 

How do you dismantle a machine?

You self evaluate. You individually and corporately confess sin... 

You take it apart piece by piece and try to find out where the power source is. 

The power has always been Jesus. 

Advancing His kingdom....(not a specific church, a specific event, or a specific agenda)

It's always been Jesus. (Acts 4:12)

We need help!

Houston we have a problem. 
We have allowed complacency, routine, and apathy creep into the church and now we have a church machine. 

Please LORD Jesus give us hearts that break for what breaks yours. 

In Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis, he talks about faith and "faith moods."

He writes: "The first step is to reognise the fact that your moods change. The next is to make sure that, if you have once accepted Christianity, then some of its main doctrines shall be deliberately held before your mind for some time every day. That is why daily prayers and religious readings and churchgoings are necessary parts of the Christian life. We have to be continually reminded of what we believe. Neither this belief no any other will automatically remain alive in the mind. It must be fed. And as a matter of fact, if you examined a hundred people who had lost their faith in Christianity, I wonder how many of them would turn out to have been reasoned out of it by honest argument? Do not most people simply drift away?" 

Revive us again dear God! We need fresh wind and fresh fire and a hunger and thirst for righteousness!

Holy Spirit please send ONE MORE revival!