Remembering Lot’s wife…

Remember Lot’s wife

On the go, they ran and ran, she didn’t really have time to make a plan

Remember Lot’s wife

Charm is deceitful and she likely had both demands on her worldly appetites kept her in a chokehold

Remember Lot’s wife

A blushing bride, we do not know her history or name, dust to dust ashes to ashes were her claim to fame

Remember Lot’s wife

Lot is called righteous in 2 Peter chapter 2, but Lot’s wife endeavored to dress cuter than you

She had it all (in the world’s eyes) or so it seems, her husband was wealthy and could fulfill her dreams and needs

Remember Lot’s wife

Lusted for Sodom’s door knob, never worked or suffered or had a job; Her joy was not in Yahweh, only her outer adornment and looks unlike bookish Lot praying and studying the Holy Book 

He desired to follow in Uncle Abraham’s footsteps 

But his wife did not enjoy the lessons she dreamt of where to travel next

Remember Lot’s wife-these three words spoken by Jesus, the next two we all know by heart “Jesus wept”

Remember Lot’s wife, so sound the alarm!

It’s hard to be a woman with life’s endless demands, but Christ says come to me all who labor let Me give you a hand

She left Sodom in a hurry but Gommorah -these twin cities never abandoned her heart

She turned around with longing eyes, city life was her goal from the start

She was living the dream, but that was the problem you see

She put myself “I” and me before the King of Kings and worshipped her own selfish identity

Before we point a finger we should look in the mirror instead, “search my heart oh God examine me” the Psalms of David can be heard and read

Crucify me, help me die to the world!

For I do not want to end up like Lot’s favorite girl

The story gets worse when you read in Genesis, for the sisters learned from mom and her own selfishness.

Again & again I say: Remember Lot’s wife 

Remember her and do not turn to the right or to the left, instead focus on Jesus as His way is best 

Unhappy and Vexed

We hear a lot about temptation, but what about vexation?

A happy heart is a thankful heart Madame Blueberry said.

What was that verse about giving thanks the pastor once said?

I desire a heart that is settled on the LORD.

I scroll through my phone looking at random photos and videos when I am bored.

No wonder my heart is both unhappy and sore vexed.

I am worried about what in the world I am going to eat next.

A happy heart is a thankful heart.

Fanny Crosby was blind and wrote hymns galore.

She truly knew no worldly treasures could be found in the store.

A happy heart is a thankful heart.

Joy in the morning, yet there are truly tears in the night.

I look down at the scale and I scream at the sight.

The same ole same ole day in and day out,

Oh except for Sunday, that's when the family is routinely gathered no doubt.

Mom over here, dad in his chair, kids on their tablets and screens everywhere.

A happy heart is a thankful heart.

Just a closer walk with thee, this is what my heart longs for;

But I ignore God's call to wake up at 3am to pray some more.

A happy heart is a thankful heart.

Consider the lilies, the birds snacking at In N Out too, they know more of our Abba's heart than many influencers do.

God is good, God is great we sing but inside our own souls we hate.

We gorge on food and entertainment and friends, and we ignore the book that once caused our hearts to break;

A happy heart is a thankful heart.

I want to be still but there is so much to do.

I want to be quiet and take in the air that you freely give;

I don't want to yield to the busy noises and fast paced world where I live.

I am caught in between the now and not yet.

I think about my health and my blood pressure numbers I resent.
I want to be free to live with childlike wonder,

I want to wonder what God's face looks like when lightning storms and I hear loud thunder.

A happy heart is a thankful heart.

I want to jump in the pool and swim with a smile.

I want to ignore the unread text messages and stay off Instagram for awhile.

I want to lay in the fields so fresh and so green.
I want to know the abundant life John 10 speaks of what did Jesus even mean?

"I want-I need" so I buy it now.

I cut open my amazon box with a smile.

I cry when I think I haven't heard my kid's voice in awhile.

I wonder if I will get to heaven or is my assurance lost?

Am I a chosen lamb, or a goat with a heart of frost?

A happy heart is a thankful heart.

Delight yourself in Yahweh, praise His Name now and forever.

Help me sing out of tune and write poems to you hold the eternal promises that can never be severed;

May I weep during communion so thankful I am alive.

May I care not of the things the commercials say I must buy.

May I love the LORD and His people....each one unique "Imago dei,"

May I drown out the lies that that Serpent tries to say.

Help me dream of playing with grandkids not yet born, and teach them how to praise the Name of the LORD.

Help me find gratitude and not despise the day of small things

For the Truth will set me free from accumulating treasures that just grow wings. 

A happy heart is a unhurried heart. 

Forgive me LORD for all the worry and fretting I do

Help me think less of me and sharpen my gaze towards You! 

Bible Study with Jesus

 

Bible Study with Jesus

It doesnt make sense it doesnt make sense

A prophet is here

They hollered and cried

But now

We saw him scourged and left to die

 It doesnt make sense it doesnt make sense

This Sojourner knows every detail, and has so much knowledge… 

It doesnt make sense at all

He has not been schooled or attended college…

 It doesnt make sense It doesnt make sense

Something’s funny here

My chest is on fire and truths are coming clear

And yet…

It doesnt make sense It doesnt make sense

Don’t leave yet! 

Linger longer…I’m hanging on your every Word

I want to know what you are saying you have supernatural insights that’s for sure! 

It doesnt make sense It doesnt make sense

He called us foolish men and slow of heart to believe 

But on this road to Emmaus my heart now receives….

It doesnt make sense and yet now it makes perfect sense!

My eyes were opened finally! 

at last I see! 

He broke the bread and I realized Jesus was speaking to me ! 

There is no other day that I can recall, where I was personally taught the Bible by the LORD of All!

He vanished ! Left abruptly from us, want me to tell you the story again? 

As we walked I hung on every Word He was like my oldest closest dearest Rabbi friend! 

Jesus forgive me for not seeing you  before, my senses were dull and my knowledge of the Suffering Servant was flawed

But now I want to tell everyone who you are

My King and My God!  

Treasures

 It is written “bear each other’s burdens”

I have beautifully witnessed this at the Joni & Friends family retreat. 

 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”

‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭23‬-‭24‬ ‭ESV‬‬

When we serve others, we do it out of love to Christ. However, when we practice the one anothers we sometimes forget we are doing the act as service to the LORD.

If you give a cup of cold water, you did it unto Me;

I have seen a mom pull out hulk-like strength to lift her child from wheel chair to a fun go-kart ride -all done out of love to Jesus-the disabled child is simply the conduit.

I have witnessed dads dress up in silly costumes and dance with their adult daughters twirling them around, all done out of love to Jesus-the disabled children are simply the conduits.

I have witnessed neuro-typical siblings choose to sacrificially give up time with friends, to care for a child who wears diapers, can only drink out of special cups and is prone to wonder off, all done out of love to Jesus-the disabled child is simply the conduit.

I have seen a pastor with not one but two disabled children sleep deprived because of a migraine get up and preach a sermon to parents desperately in need of encouragement and to be drenched again by the Truth of the Gospel, all done out of love to Jesus-the disabled child’s parents were simply the conduits.

I have seen servant after servant give and give watching God supply to each servant exactly what was needed! 

I have seen treasures stored in Heaven, for Christ Himself is the treasure! 

So as tired campers are buckled in their handicapped plated vans, the costumes are packed away, the lanyards with printed name tags are thrown in the luggage bag, each family will have grown closer to each other, closer to their brothers and sisters in Christ and saw a glimpse of Christ as He was magnified in weak bodies and fortified in their souls!  

Paperclip

 Pray in His Strength*

Last night Isaac was trying to go to sleep. He came out from his room & said “paperclip.” 

One word. 

Paperclip. 

Very strange. 

I said “show me.” 

He then shifted his 193 lb body and lifted his foot to me. 

When I looked closely, one of his toe nails needed to be clipped. 

Seems small, but this is a big deal. Anything out of place, a scab, a blister, a nail that is chipping…a tag on clothes…these things really bother him. 

He even pulled off a whole toe nail before. Broke my heart! 

For him to show me that his toe nail was bothering him and to say verbally “paper clip” was his way of saying:

 “Mom, I know I can come to you for anything. I know it’s bed time & you are going to tell me for the 5th time to go to sleep. But this is different.   I don’t have the ability to clip my own nails. But you do! Please help me. I promise once this toe issue is settled I’ll feel better, calm, soothed & I can then go to sleep.”

This morning….thinking on this…I realized Isaac saying “paperclip” is like our fumbling over our words in prayer. 

We go to God with groanings. We ask without really knowing what our needs are. Yet in faithful trust we pray anyway ….. we know full well our Gracious Caregiver God, our Abba Father will translate our toddler babble-prayers into eloquence. Even sighs are prayers. Even tears are prayers. He hears it all, sees it all & doesn’t say “go back to bed!” He settles us. He helps us! 

What an amazing God we serve! 

May we all be encouraged by Isaac today to ask for help & pray in the strength of the Holy Spirit. 

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words”

Romans 8:26

Big Sister Olivia Grace

 Some words about my daughter before her special needs brother‘s 18th birthday

Olivia Grace, how I love that name oh how I love that name. You’ve lived a good life the best that we tried to give …. we tried to tell you the truth so that you wouldn’t believe the lies that would undoubtedly be fed to you by the world.

you didn’t ask to be Isaac‘s sister you were born first.

you were the epitome of the easy child 

you and I prayed together that Isaac would get better, but then we watched him get worse…

I’ll never forget that one time you were crying in your room Isaac was banging on the wall

The wall that connected your room to his, he was being loud as usual in a language that only he knows. 

You wept at the gravity of it all…  When you were younger, you were definitely his fiercest advocate at a park or birthday party. 

You were always willing to explain to others that he was your brother and that he was different. 

The Autism slogan “different not less” doesn’t really match our experience and I don’t believe it matches your experience either as a sibling to Isaac….

you did get less 

you got less of our time 

you got less of our attention 

you got less of our energy 

you got less of us…

My heart was crushed when you honestly told dad and I that you felt like you got our leftovers. 

They were piercing words, but they were true words. 

I always enjoyed our few “autism-free” mommy daughter time, but the reality was those moments would end …but Autism wouldn’t 

I never had dreams of you getting lost in the woods, I never had dreams of you dying young. 

Those are the kind of dreams that I dreamt about your brother.

I didn’t have to dream for you. 

You were living it!

When you got your first pointe shoes when you were cast as Rose when you became the diamond princess 

when you passed your AP classes when you learned to drive

when you prayed and read without promptings by me or dad

I would always compliment you & tell you how special and unique you are. I know this is true. 

God gifted you in so many ways…

Nobody knows what you endured.

Nobody can prepare a child for something like this. I wish I could say on the day before Isaac’s 18th birthday that you’ve arrived, but I can’t say that because none of us will ever arrive at living this disabled caregiving life. 

The scriptures became loud to us

God‘s love became so apparent every 1 to 1 time you and I could have together felt like manna from heaven.

As you’re about to turn 20, this is the one time of year when you and Isaac are one year apart yet it has always felt like you both come from different planets. 

You live and navigate the planet of normal when you’re in college, but you have to come back to our reality when you come home to our humble street. 

I want to say that I’m sorry you didn’t have a normal childhood, but I can’t say that. 

I cannot say that anymore because it is a God-given privilege to have a thorny life.

you’ve been blessed to be Isaac‘s big sister

God used him to help shape you to be caring, loving & other centered and you are a precious young lady after God‘s own heart… there are a lot of things that we have not been able to do as a family of four …but I know that you’ll be able to do those things in your future and I’m grateful. I’m grateful for every time you kept an eye on Isaac so I could take a shower. I’m grateful. I’m grateful for the times when you prayed when my words felt flat or I was too busy crying. 

I’m grateful for the way you check in on me and you can tell that I am not OK even when I say that I am.

I’m grateful for the way that you make me laugh. I’m grateful for the way that you bring joy to everyone who knows you

 I’m grateful for the fact that you’re a deep thinker and I’m grateful that you are not bitter towards God for Isaac and all of his quirks and otherworldly melt downs. 

I love you more than words could ever say and I’m blessed at the young lady you are!

you are so much more than Isaac’s sister for you are Yahweh’s daughter

Thankful to the LORD for the gift of you!

Decorate my heart Lord

 Lord make me sparkly on the inside. I have nothing to decorate with. I ask that you would provide the materials, the garland delights, the ornaments, the bows too my Lord, make me delightful on the inside!

Pure and undefiled like a winter white snow. 

I thank you Lord, these fresh trees oak, juniper, pine….

these are more beautiful to behold!

Your Tree of Life is more glorious than a seasonal Christmas tree….

Develop in me the Fruit of the Spirit that I may become a tree as Psalm 1 reads.

Help me have deep roots, strong bark that endures, harsh winters and hot blustering summers. 

Lord make me sparkly on the inside!  Decorate my heart!

Don’t let me neglect your touch in any area. 

Reveal the depths of my soul, the wicked parts stained by the fall….go forward, tear down walls to make my heart the home for you!

I know that any tree that you decorate will bear much fruit. Decorate my heart!

Decorate my soul!

Help me to release my ideas of what a life of beauty should be.

Help me see as you see, think as you think hear as you hear.

I don’t want to be a dead artificial tree that’s put up in the rafters. 

I want to be a tree that bears fruit for years to come ….

Lord as I meditate on your Word, praise you in the valley, live for you, abide in you & learn of your meek and lowly ways, make me sparkle on the inside for you are the Ancient of Days!  

Christmas Morning

Every year I get grumpy faces from loved ones when asked this all too familiar question:

What would you like for Christmas?

I usually say "Nothing. I can't think of anything. Let me get back to you."

I just do not want anything.

It's not that I do not like presents.

It's that can you think of something under a tree that truly satisfied you?

Can you think of a gift your received last Christmas?

Or maybe 5 Christmas days ago?

Perhaps you can remember, but presents are delightful but they do not satisfy us like the eternal life Christ gives us.

On Christmas morning, it is so wonderful to see small children smile and run and get excited and delighted. However, the older we get, the less "wonder" we feel or experience. 

We are not small children and we are not counting down the days until Dec 25 like we once did as a child. Instead, we have a longing for true joy and for year long, lifelong wonder that is an ache you can't shake.

Only God. Only Yahweh. Only Christ Himself who is both the Son of God and Creator (Elohim) can satisfy us. 

 "Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days."

Psalm 90:14

I am not trying to make Christmas morning out to be a bummer. I love when kids are excited. And families read scripture and recall how awesome it was that the wise men brought gold, frankincense and myrrh to Jesus- our Prophet, Priest and King. 

However, I am trying to redirect our gaze to the true Gift of God. 

God Himself. Christ -the Chief cornerstone!

Cozy Christmas

Years ago I was a Gold Canyon Candle consultant. I enjoyed selling these double wick candles because their fragrance fills the room. I love when you enter a home and can smell a fragrant aroma and see a candle lit!

There was a bright red candle called "Cozy Christmas." 

The company is no longer in business (sadly) However, I always remember the Pomegranate fragrance (a best seller!) and the Cozy Christmas scent (only available during Winter). 

When you think of a "birthing room" the last word you would use to describe it is cozy.

Mary who is swollen, in her last trimester, is now in active labor and is about to give birth to a child, event though she never knew a man. 

The first Christmas was anything but cozy. 

I think it's ironic that the nostalgia and comforts and cozy atmosphere of our Christmas mornings are nothing at all like what Jospeh and Mary and our LORD, the infant Christ-King experienced. 

The fragrance? Not at all like a scented candle.

The smell was pungent, putrid and disgusting. 

Cow urine. Donkey doo-doo. Sheep funkiness. 

The smells were anything but cozy. There were no warm sugar cookie smells or peppermint thrills or make your stomach growl ham scents coming from an oven. 

The smell swirling around in the inn must have been a tinge of what our sin reeks of. 

Pungent, putrid and disgusting. 

Smells like wrecked marriages, tragic deaths, car accidents, miscarriage of a newborn, miscarriage of justice, loneliness, loss of job, loss of life, loss of dreams, loss of innocence, betrayal of a friend, lies, crimes, and ugly thoughts...bullying, a prodigal's blasphemy, you name the sin...Christ bore them all!

The pain of Mary, the angst of Jospeh and the fatigue of the newborn King. Everyone felt pain. Mary sore from giving birth. Joseph still in a fog as to the reality of what just happened. Baby Jesus, the cradle stall nothing like His heavenly throne...

However, a new day is coming! A dawn will break through! 

A day when the Dayspring on High will reign in sublime glory! Christ the Savior is born. His sinless life pointed to His Father's approval. When the veil was torn in two, our separation anxiety was defeated. We no longer reek of sin. We now wear the robes of Righteousness. Jehovah Tsidkenu- the LORD our righteousness took the wrath of God in our stead. 

The contrast of our dreamy Cozy Christmas scene with the real incarnate Lamb of God laying in a manger next to stinky smelly animals is telling. Do you really know this Jesus? Do you really celebrate His birth? Or do you just smile at the manger and say "Ah" 

Christ does not ask for us to be sentimental this time of year. I believe we are to be reverent and sober minded. 

It doesn't mean we can't take our kids to see Christmas lights, or dress up in ugly Christmas sweaters or bake cookies. We can do these things.

But my prayer is that we will also think of how smelly our sins are. We will marinate on this truth- Christ died to save sinners, a sinner LIKE ME. 

If we look at the babe in the manger, and we sing "what Child is this?" but neglect to repent and worship Him and laud Him King of Kings and Lord of LORDs, we've missed it...for our Lamb of God was slain. That babe was born to be slaughtered for our sins. 

Dr. John MacArthur notes that in Hebrews 10:20 we have a "new and living way" when we are born again. "New" is prophatos which means "freshly slaughtered." The old testament sacrificial system is done with. Now, we have Jesus the FRESH way opened up for us! 

Our true comfort and peace resides not in something but SOMEONE-Jesus.

Let's Worship Him in Spirt and in Truth this Christmas and always! 

O Come Immanuel

Christmas brings many joys and memories. Wide eyes and twinkle lights. Presents. Cookie aroma, cider scent and frankincense. 

But the greatest of these is LOVE. (1 Corinthians 13)

We sing Oh come oh come Immanuel.

I truly love this song.

It allows us an opportunity to sing the Gospel. 

The lyrics so familiar, deep and beautiful and true:

 "O come, o come, Emmanuel

And ransom captive Israel

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the Son of God appear

Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, o Israel

O come, Thou Day-Spring

Come and cheer

Our spirits by Thine advent here

Disperse the gloomy clouds of night

And death's dark shadows put to flight

Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, o Israel

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free

Thine own from Satan's tyranny

From depths of hell Thy people save

And give them victory o'er the grave

Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, o Israel

Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, o Israel"

During Christmas, we celebrate Christ's birth-An Old Covenant Promise in New Testament reality. We also celebrate what hope we have in Christ now and the promises to come in eternity too. 

Emmanuel did come to ransom captive Israel.

But Emmanuel also came for us today, in 2025, in modern day America.

Disperse the gloomy clouds of night?

As spoiled sun-tanned California residents, many of us do not understand gloomy clouds of night. We enjoy sunshine many days year-round. However, there are many parts of the world with bitter cold winters. The clouds make the cold feel worse. 

The coldness of night is nothing compared to what this Christmas Carol is suggesting. An eternity awaits us in heaven or hell. We must repent and seek Jesus! He is the only Way and He beckons us- COME! 

We all have a date with death and then we meet our Creator God.

Those of us who are believes, we are so blessed to sing this Christmas song and rejoice that our Savior, Messiah Jesus, Immanuel God with us is here!

What is Normal

 If Isaac was normal, my life would be so different...

What would it be like without the spectrum?

I would not know the deep dependence on my Father and cry myself to sleep knowing He alone was cradling me..

If it was all a normal autism free life...

If Isaac was normal, my life would be so different...

I would bake cookies with the kitchen door unlocked, I would laugh out loud without fear it might give him a shock, I could call a girlfriend without the conversation irritating my son, but I might not know my best friend Jesus …

If it was a simple autism free life...after all

I would go away on an adventure with my husband, I would not need to get so many refills on medications....

I wouldn't crave heaven as much...I wouldn't crave to press in....to touch the hem of His robe longing for the royal touch

If it was just a black and white no spectrum life...after all

He would call a girlfriend or jump in a car with a friend, he would get upset at me for bugging him to clean his room...

He wouldn't reach for my hand in reassurance, or say "Mama be right back" 

He wouldn't smile so big expecting a snack

Might be kinda boring...

If it was a normal autism free life...

I could wrap Christmas presents and put them under the tree

I might think my life was all about me

My daughter might not learn how to weep on bended knee

I might not even wrap my brain around humility

I wouldn't long for eternity with the Son of Man who hung on the tree...I might be quick to speak, slow to listen and quick to complain

I might scroll on my phone in church and ignore my Bible letting it collect dust on the shelf

I might believe life was consumed with body image, outings with friends and picture perfect moments with family

I might not desire God or ever pray

In fact God uses autism to free me from sin

My longings are different 

Please note-My tears do sting yes...

But I have enjoyed deep moments with my head buried on my Savior's chest 

I am glad it's not such a normal life after all..

I see a glimpse of heaven while praying each day...

I'll never fully grasp what it all means

No this is not me fulfilling “my” dreams

My dreams were too small

They were scripted at best

God gave me so much, when He gave me my needs

He gave me Himself, not an autism free life

His Grace for my daily weakness is so much better than normal

Truly I am learning, it is best to not have an autism free life after all

It's best to have lifelong weakness to Glorify God in it all 

A Letter of Grief and Consolation

Wednesday, September 10, 2025

A Letter of Grief and Consolation

 

Dear Erika Kirk,

I am so sorry.

I do not have words.

Please avoid social media right now.

People are so incredibly unkind & evil. 

They do not have the mind of Christ.

They are lost souls.

Father forgive them for they know not what they do.

This prayer is easier said than done.

I am so crippled with despair over your husband’s murder and this assassination.

I hate that you and your children must live and move on without your husband.

So young, so brilliant, so willing to put himself out there to champion truth.

Please know there are many women and men out there praying for you.

There are moms holding you up -praying for comfort to the King of Kings and LORD of LORDS.

We know the Scriptures say the end of days will grow more and more evil.

People will call evil good and good evil.

We see that in your beloved’s death.

Some called it good and it makes me want to vomit.

I am so so sorry.

Though I have never met you, you clearly freed up your husband to do ministry!

You are more than a conqueror Erika and God will indeed turn your sorrow to joy!

Your husband was involved in so much ministry!

No, he was not a pastor per se. He did not serve as a teacher in a church pulpit or build houses or wells in a distant land …his ministry, his mission field-- the college campuses, the young people, the airwaves;

He championed truth and wanted to reach the lost HERE in USA. What a brave soldier indeed. His calling sure and now his mission complete. But your pain & lament-dear God have mercy!

I pray you find comfort in knowing his light definitely shined bright.

He was hated and killed like so many truth warriors. Jesus wept and we weep now over your husband’s death. You will never live a day the same. Praying your can find comfort in the psalms, in the Gospel and in the reality that your husband is with the LORD!

Was he a perfect man? No one is.

But he was yours and you were his and you sleep alone tonight.

Your babies will cuddle you. You cradled them, now they’ll cradle you.

You have a new baton. A faith baton to pass on to your children that daddy’s light was here momentarily. His life mattered. His life was well lived. Your husband showed an intense deep passion for God, and Truth and to see change in America. 

He was unapologetic in a world that is always saying

“I am sorry I assumed gender”

“I am sorry I say that the Bible calls sin, I am sorry I even said the word sin”

He did not bow to Caesar.

We grieve.

We mourn.

We pray for your comfort, today, tomorrow and throughout your life and the lives of your babies who will grow up in this country.

I do not have more words, only tears and agony of heart! I feel comfort in that I and so many countless others worldwide are grieving with you and praying for God to heal, save and change America, one debate at a time. Many more debates will continue. They will continue in living rooms, in coffee shops, around the kitchen table and even at night over a phone or tv screen. Your husband sparked debate and clearly America did not get the memo. We don’t even recognize this country anymore. 

We won’t stop praying for you Erika!

You are not forgotten by our LORD and you are not forgotten by us praying friends. We are the body of Christ.

The atheist may type and mock sentiments like “thoughts and prayers” 

but we pray to Jehovah Jireh God our Provider, we pray to Jesus Messiah-the King of all Kings and Lord of all LORDS, we pray to our God Almighty who is bigger and mightier and more powerful than any president, king, sage, professor, scholar or earthly leader. 

We pray to our God Elohim. 

We pray to the Judge of all the earth. 

We pray to Jesus Christ who said He alone is the Way the Truth and the Life.

We pray and even with mournful tears, we praise, because like Job, we know your husband’s life will bear much fruit, multiplied fruit…even beyond the year 2025.

Hang in there sister. 

Jesus Christ lives to make intercession for you.

With much love, affection and encouragement in Christ,

Laura Gonzalez

Gratitude

LORD help me be a grateful girl, not a jealous girl.

Let my voice be heard in the morning!
Let my prayer of gratitude rise to you and adoration be for you alone.

Help me be a grateful girl.

In the quiet

In the stillness

Help me be a grateful girl

stop scrolling 

stop thinking

stop over thinking

Help me be a grateful girl

I have much to be grateful for

I do not want to grumble and mumble and say words that are jumbled

I desire to be filled with gratitude for your sovereign steadfast love which is truly better than life

Help me be a grateful girl

I think of the missionaries no running water

I think of the cancer patients some a dear son or daughter

Help me be a grateful girl

For food in the fridge clothes on my back

Always praise God! There is food to fill a lunch sack

Help me be a grateful girl

Longing eyes are not just in the scriptures as David glared at Bathsheba

I can long too

Long for the past when my kids were small and I had so much tending to do

Help me be a grateful girl

Longing for a weekend getaway with my husband

or to be able to say "Happy Birthday" out loud

longing for unlocked doors or to walk freely with Isaac and Olivia in a crowd

Help me be a grateful girl

I love you LORD my lips shall sing, even with a bite mark on my arm a permanent tattoo ring

Help me be a grateful girl

I am grieved as I look at these medications for my son's inner mind, to derail seizures in his head

Help me see with your eyes dear LORD for one day one day no more tears on my bed

LORD help me be a grateful girl

Let my voice be heard in the morning, at noon and in the twilight of my life

Let my prayers of gratitude rise to you and sing for the Cross crushed all these temporary pain-filled trials and strife

LORD help me

Mold me 

Shape me

to a grace-filled girl

My name is written!

 My name is written in the Lamb's Book of Life;

Not with ink and pen but neatly etched and then stained with blood...

My name? Me LORD?

Yes, it's written in the Lamb's Book of Life.

Who is worthy to open the scroll?

One Alone!

The Lamb chosen to be slain...

The One who will be the Bridegroom to one chosen wife;

My name in blood jotted down in the Lamb's Book of Life.

I can scarcely handle it, the gravity of my sin...you see it like a movie reel over and over again...

Even though I don't want to...

My DNA and behavior shows my propensity to hurt you with sin, but yet I humbly bow to the Lamb who graciously hands me over to the Father!

Jesus, I am yours! 

Captured by Grace

Captured by Love

I fall in merciful layers of love

You my LORD are the Lamb of God my King and Savior

Purge me with hyssop

Cleanse me day by day...

I still can't believe it, as you are acquainted with all my ways!

My name is written in the Lamb's Book of Life.

I am wedded to thee.

I care not of the dress from hell to heaven you have changed my eternal address...

My RSVP, your blood shed for me...

Thank you my LORD for being the Lamb who was slain on Calvary!

 My name is written in the Lamb's Book of Life and forever I get to praise the Ancient of Days!

Privilege

 Who else gets to wash the dust off your feet?

What a privilege

Work hard enjoy

God has gifted you all things the highs and the lows

The breakthroughs and the blows

What a privilege

People look on and smile

What a peculiar sight! 

A little mama and a man-child who is her delight

What a privilege

There were days

I cried til my head pounded for days

Taking aspirin begging God to take all this emotion away

Why must I toil only to get  attacked in the morn?

I wore a smile but inside my feelings and spirit did groan 

Oh What a privilege

God has given us daily bread

And today this day is the Lord’s day the psalmist wrote while laying on his grassy bed 

Oh What a privilege

To help you morning through evening and even before dawn or middle of the night

Others just see a t-shirt and think what a strange sight

The battle is long the rested moments are few

But I praise God our Father who specifically granted this assignment namely - YOU

Oh What a privilege

Eat drink and be merry King Solomon said

For one day we’ll all be in the grave and a eulogy will be read

He gives us good gifts although it’s true your container is strange

But so is unconventional love…

Love the disabled the crooked the bent over with Christ at the helm we can love through every season and stage

The prayers for healing are few and far between

Long past are the days you fit on my knee

You are grown but still a child only 3 or 4 in your mind

Wait dear son for the rewards our Savior shall hand to you in heaven….all in His providential time  

From eternity past

Oh What a privilege

In this present pain

Oh What a privilege

In His Sovereign plan for you

Oh What a privilege

In my hands so much work to do

Oh What a privilege

Isaiah 53 etched in my mind

How close are you to Him dear son of mine?

I can’t tell 

no one can 

The prayers of those with

Autism, cerebral palsy, non-verbal or talkative and composed

The Savior knows ! 

The Spirit knows your faith in the Father like lilies in spring does grow! 

What a privilege