I normally do not feel led to write about parenting...
(Unless it's about how hard it is to raise a special needs child)
However, in reading in 2 Samuel, I noticed something new.
We all have tremendous respect for King David.
The youngest of many brothers... (1 Samuel 17:14)
He was probably bullied by them and was given the stinky task of caring for the sheep, alone...again, and again. (1 Samuel 17:15)
He did not complain...He found peace in the wilderness....there was no sibling rivalry. Just quiet. (Psalm 4:8)
He enjoyed stars at night, work during the day and the enjoyment of God in solitude. (Psalm 8:1-4)
The night watches must have deeply inspired him as he wrote so many Psalms and reflections on how amazing our Creator God is.
He writes about the LORD being our Shepherd. (Psalm 23)
He was an emotional man, but also a warrior. (Psalm 18, Psalm 144:1-2)
He wrestled the lion and the bear and probably other crazy predators that wanted to eat his sheep. (1 Sam 17:34-36)
He later kills Goliath. (1 Samuel 17) He was anointed King, but had to wait many years until Saul's kingdom ended.
He runs from Saul and so on....
David is an amazing man.
Then enters Bathsheba and you know the story...
However, the prophet Nathan warns him that there would always be strife in his own home. (2 Sam 12:10)
The struggle is real.
Many times the hardest battles we face are in the home ...in the precious faces of our own kids.
Absalom hates Amnon. Amnon lusts after his half sister.
Amnon rapes Tamar (his half sister) Absalom can't wait to kill his brother Amnon. (2 Sam chapters 13-14)
Talk about dysfunction!
David (dad-David, warrior-David, King-David) does nothing.
He mourns, but he never disciplines.
Absalom goes out of the scene for 3 years hiding away...
Absalom comes back and starts wooing the hearts of the people and tries to take the throne from King David.
Again, the struggle is real.
Of course we will never know what it is like to have a son try to take our crown, but we do know what it is like to be deeply disappointed in the conduct and choices of our children.
Yesterday as I was reading 2 Samuel, it dawned on me- Absalom had something David never did- privilege. Absalom never struggled and perhaps became spoiled and entitled.
David struggled. Absalom did not.
David wrestled with God in prayer and spent time alone in the wilderness tending the sheep. In contrast Absalom, perhaps was a handsome, attractive, all American Division I athlete, perfect on his SAT score, private school attending "life has been good to me" son.
(*OK I am exaggerating...but you get the idea.)
David struggled and turned to God. Absalom did not.
Remember when David was running from Saul? It was unfair. David did nothing wrong. In fact, David was one of Saul's best warriors. He conquered Goliath and defeated many enemies for Saul and the empire.
Saul hated David and became jealous of him. However, as you read the Psalms, many times it will say in the heading "written by David when he was running from Saul" basically the sweetest prayers we read and love were written during David's darkest nights.
He struggled.
Absalom's biggest struggle was to eat his sandwich on wheat or white bread or whether to date the prom queen or homecoming queen.
I started thinking about Absalom's childhood.
He had everything.
Having many privileges does not automatically make one a spoiled brat....but in Absalom's case, I believe he resented his dad-King David.
Absalom's lack of discipline ultimately became his down fall.
Absalom had it all (spoiled like Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka) but he was not the king.
The drama with Amnon and Tamar gave him a "cause" or passion to go after....He started to hate his brother and wanted to kill him. Absalom also despised his dad for failing to discipline Amnon for the rape of Tamar.
Dr. Charles Stanley writes:
"The term resistance movement describes situations in which oppressed people rise against oppressors. Resistance fighters take the stance 'I'm not going to stand idly by and allow this evil to continue. I choose to resist the wrongs. Whether I live or die in resisting my oppressor, I will no longer live as I have been.
Resistance in prayer is the biblical approach to confronting and overcoming the devil"
We never once read that Absalom retreated to pray about his beef with his dad. He never prayed about what to do when Amnon raped Tamar.
He did not turn to God for help. He instead, turned to anger and hatred.
He used anger and hatred to give him a passion for life.
His life of prestige finally had meaning (a sad twisted meaning)
My prayer is that we would let our kids struggle a bit...
Yes we want to give our kids the very best, but in giving them everything they want, are we shielding them from the gift of endurance, the gift of learning a hard lesson through experience, the gift of depending on God in prayer NOT mom and dad to bail them out?
Just think about it...
Pray about it...
We must pray before we act and discipline our kids. There is a time for struggle and a time for grace. There is a time to be firm and a time to be lenient...
LORD please help us as parents trust in You and lean not on our own understanding.
We learn so much from Absalom's failures. His heart turned evil, even though his earthly father was known as a man after God's own heart. Something went wrong. Did Absalom become super shielded and was he never taught how to struggle in prayer? Help us have a balance LORD as we raise these kids for You.
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