Knot In my hair

I don’t typically have knots in my hair...

One day I was meeting with a client  ...

I touched my hair and noticed something..

Is it a knot?

Is it a leaf?

It felt coarse and odd... so I tugged it away from the softer layers of my hair.

It wasn’t a knot at all... it was a chunk of hair; a big chunk.

I can honestly say it was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

You see earlier that day, Isaac pulled my hair. 

And pulled... 

and pulled... 

at 5’3 and 125 pounds this 12 year old is strong. 

He had a melt down in the car and was so upset he pulled my hair and would not let go... It hurt so bad I had a headache all day and almost cancelled my client meeting

“I am not feeling well”

She will understand...

However, I decided to go forward with the meeting.

I did not wish to share the hair pulling incident with anyone ...

Olivia was there and that was hard enough;

I was speaking with my client and casually touched my hair and then pulled out what I thought was a knot;

My client looked at me  and I said... 

it’s my hair... wow... Isaac pulled my hair today during a melt down and it literally came out from the root.

I wanted to cry...but held it in. 

We remember our Jesus had chunks of hair ripped from His beard and we all know it hurt.

These melt down incidents aren’t just physically painful.

They are emotionally, and mentally painful too  ...

I am Isaac’s mom.

Doesn’t He understand I am trying to help him?

If I say “no” or “wait” it is only for his good.  

How must our Abba feel?

We are often like autistic kids kicking, screaming, running away, using non verbal and verbal speech in protest against God’s “no” or wait.  

I am so thankful we cannot physically hurt Jesus- but we can emotionally- we can break His heart & grieve His Holy Spirit.

Why do you kick against the goads ? 

Jesus said to Saul.

(Acts 26:14)

Consider what Chuck Swindoll says about kicking against the goads: 

‘Apparently, "to kick against the goads" was a common expression found in both Greek and Latin literature—a rural image, which rose from the practice of farmers goading their oxen in the fields. Though unfamiliar to us, everyone in that day understood its meaning.

Goads were typically made from slender pieces of timber, blunt on one end and pointed on the other. Farmers used the pointed end to urge a stubborn ox into motion. Occasionally, the beast would kick at the goad. The more the ox kicked, the more likely the goad would stab into the flesh of its leg, causing greater pain.

Saul’s conversion could appear to us as having been a sudden encounter with Christ. 

But based on the Lord's expression regarding his kicking back, I believe He’d been working on him for years, prodding and goading him”

What is God using to get your attention?

God often uses my boy to draw me to Himself and keep me on my knees. 

Even now at this writing... he is in recovery from pediatric neuro-surgery to fenestrate the cyst on his brain.

Wow Lord!

Thank you for so lovingly and tenderly caring for us!

Forgive us for all the adult melt downs we have had kicking you, pulling your beard or immaturely saying to you “I’m not your friend!” like we were back in kindergarten.

YOU ARE MY FRIEND!

You see those hair pull moments, life tragedies, hospital waiting room seasons.. 

You see it all and you see us not as we are currently, but who you are shaping us to become!  May we be more like you!

And like Isaac’s cyst that was putting pressure on his brain, drain and remove ANYTHING that is blocking us from a deeper relationship with You!

Instead of kicking against the goads,  may we embrace your Shepherd’s staff... for You alone comfort us!