I’m just a girl...

Remember ....
Remember the No Doubt song?
I’m just a girl...

This popped in my head the other day while I was crying my eyes out.
I confessed, God I am “such a girl”
Let me explain...
I was feeling very down and just needed to get away with God and cry and pray and read.
So I did just that.
Then I said “God I’m so lonely right now.”
Then after I continued to cry, I was glad to be alone then I didn’t like being alone.
“First Lord I wanted to be alone so I could cry in peace, now that I’m alone, I feel lonely and just need a hug....I’m such a girl”
Sometimes I hate the overwhelming emotions that rush through me.
I want to help Isaac but I can’t.
I’m trying to be a faithful, patient wife, but I blow it when I snap.
I love my daughter but at times she is a challenge to keep up with.
I want to help my clients but they need more than I can give.
I’m tired, but there’s still so much to do.
I surrender all!
Oh who am I kidding?
I’m surrendering nothing.
I’m spread thin and an emotional wreck.
I’m such a girl.
Now being a girl is not bad.
It’s quite fun.
However, in these moments of transparency with God I realize how deep I feel and desire and want to be a Proverbs 31 woman.
The thing that breaks me and yet lifts me simultaneously is Jesus.
He knows I’m a girl and I need His strong arms.
I’m weak and get tethered on busy days... I need Him!!!
I need my Good Shepherd to guide me from what’s “good” to His best.
I want to be me, but a Spirit filled me.
I need to let things go...even if I’m on my knees 2-3 or more times a day.
God made me a girl and He doesn’t “just” create with no purpose and plan.
God made me Chucks wife, so He’ll equip me how to love and support him.
God allowed me to raise Olivia and Isaac, and when I release them to their Creator and let
go of my false idea of what it means to be a “good mom” I am free to let the Lord lead me and guide me.
I lack in so many areas...but I am not the Savior and
He knows I lack !
He says “My Grace is Sufficient”
So cry it out. Tell your Abba all your feelings, and be His little girl,
Snuggle up in His lap and be at peace- with the emotional woman He created you to be.