Helper Help Me

Helper Help Me

I say embrace imperfections.

You have heard the saying 

“It is what it is”

I actually say that often. 

“It is what it is...”

But lately I have not been able to pull myself up from my boot straps. 

I’m not perfect.

I have junk drawers filled with clutter. I have way too many receipts in my purse than necessary....

I don’t have a clean oven... 

I don’t even try to look up new recipes...

I just make what I can...

I’m not a perfectionist at all. 

I don’t have anxiety (usually) and I don’t get stressed by a mess in the kitchen, or my kids laundry baskets that are overflowing or even my clients’ cases...

So what gives?

Why the pain, stress and heavy feelings of my overwhelming fatigue and burden of day-to-day life? 

One word- AUTISM

Self talk might go like this:

“cheer up Laura 

Isaac doesn’t have trouble breathing, he doesn’t sit in a wheel chair, or have seizures.

He does not have cancer.

Life is good and you’re blessed.” 

These are things I tell myself all the time.

But lately...it hasn’t been enough.

Although I’m not a perfectionist, I’m overwhelmed with simple things in life.

Autism melt downs lead to 

Parental guilt which leads to 

Caregiver guilt which leads to 

Condemnation which leads to 

Fragile emotional state which leads to, 

Irritability....which leads to lots of crying...and loss of sleep...

Living with autism can make you into a ticking time bomb...

The eruption may not be in the form of curse words or destruction of objects, but a sense of despair. 

“I’m trying hard at this special needs mom thing and I keep failing over and over ...I’ll just surrender. Here’s the white flag. Go ahead and eat ice cream for breakfast, eat the chips off the floor, go to school without brushing your teeth because I have no more “mom energy” to muster.

I’m all tapped out.” 

Holy Spirit help me!

Helper Help me! 

Psalm 61:1-4

“hear my cry, O God;

listen to my prayer.

from the ends of the earth I call to you,

I call as my heart grows faint;

lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

 For you have been my refuge,

a strong tower against the foe.

I long to dwell in your tent forever

and take refuge in the shelter of your wings”

Normally when I’m beat up by circumstances I breathe deeply, spend some time in prayer and read my Bible. I enjoy a warm cup of coffee. This will lift me up, I think...

I text a friend I need prayer. This will lift me up... I ponder.

I’ll put on some music, watch my kids play, taste a yummy desert, talk to my husband.

No no and no

Nothing is working... I just want to stay down and be alone. 

Yup that will do it. I’ll just sit here and sulk.

But I cannot that’s not who God made me to be.

No one is meant to be an island and moms can run but they can’t hide.

So I went to glen ivy and I felt better.

Nope.

Shopping spree? 

No.

Wrote this journal.

Not even.

The one thing that lifted me up?

Here it is: 

The Name of Jesus. 

“There’s power in the Name of Jesus

There’s power in the Name of Jesus...

To break every chain...” 

Jesus Jesus be near me...

Jesus Jesus help me.

Helper, Help Me.

That’s the One.

That’s what lifted me up post autism melt down.

The Name of Jesus.

The Hope of Heaven.

The Promise that this ache in me is there for a reason... 

The Lord reminded me... you don’t feel at home because...

THIS IS NOT YOUR HOME. (John 14:1-2)

I’m homesick for heaven.

Oh how sweet it will be.

But until then, I strap on my armor and hold up my sword and shield.. 

because ....

THIS... 

IS..... 

WAR.....

Eph 6:10-13