Set him up for Success- Marriage Workshop

Success

Love mentioned over 300 times in the Bible
But what is love?
Love is agape-
Love is sacrifice
Song by for King and country
Let my life be the proof the proof of your love-
Let me love look like you-
Love is sacrifice
Dr Eggerichs author of Love & respect describes love as thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness

The words "servant, " "service, " and "serve, " in various forms, occur well over 1, 100 times in the Bible
In fact love and serve can be synonyms
 Jesus is love and He said I didn't come to be served but to serve
Love is AGAPE
Love is attractive
Love is sacrificial
Why in marriage is love a challenge? Because you have two sinners intimately glued together-
Recipe for success? Or recipe for disaster
The Bible says wives are helpmates
In the kitchen-that would be the Sous chef
They assist
Sous-Chef is a chef who is "the second in command in a kitchen; the person ranking next after the head chef.
The sous-chef has many responsibilities because the executive chef has a more overarching role. Sous-chefs must plan and direct how the food is presented on the plate, keep their kitchen staff in order, train new chefs, create the work schedule, and make sure all the food that goes to customers is of the best quality to make customers happy-
Basically the sous chef is the wife.

You are the sous chef and the master of the assist

Chris Paul (of the LA clippers) is the great "assist" in basketball- he's self less! As long as his team is winning- he's also winning
I often tell my husband we are a team.
Chris Paul is a great player because he makes other people around him better.
I often tell my husband we are
Team gonzalez
 (My husband says I'm not allowed to be sick- because you're the mvp)

So how can you be successful in marriage?
You Set him up for success
1. S stay spirit filled
Pray every morning
Holy Spirit fill me up!
But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.
John 14:26
The Holy Spirit is the Helper the Counselor  the Comforter
"Helper- help me be his helpmate "
Holy Spirit you are welcome here- that's not just for church, we need this in the home-
We need the Holy Spirit to help us in our role in marriage
Eccl 4:9-12

Two are better than one,
Because they have a good reward for their labor.

For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls,
For he has no one to help him up.

Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;
But how can one be warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
God is the third cord
Remember your unity candle?
Remember your vows?

For richer or poorer in sickness and health
Trials are inevitable-
We need the Holy Spirits help to stay joy filled during the trials

Let me share an encouraging thought from a Proverbs 31 ministry devotion
 "Difficulties in marriage are hardly positive experiences at the time, yet the Bible paints a beautiful picture of them. The reason is simply because struggles, trials and hard work are part of the development process God uses to get the most out of us and the best for us."
He brings beauty from ashes Isaiah 61:3
James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."


2. U unity Jesus prayer for unity in John 17- may they be One as we are One - a house divided cannot stand;  Mark 3:25 NLT -a family splintered by feuding will fall apart. Ladies, please if you have a grudge against your husband  let it go-  forgive him- this is a blessing to God. We need to work with all our might to keep unity- especially in marriage- Eph 4:1-3
3. I, Therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace
4. Serving together- Satan definitely hates a couple that is serving the Lord, so keep your armor on - Eph 6.
Free your husband up to serve and if possible serve together-
And also keep in mind if your husband is a leader  for example in lion tamer's or a men's small group or any ministry by you staying home with the kids or maybe you don't have children and you are at home while he serves- let him- you are partaking of that treasure in heaven. Free him up to serve. This is really important. Especially in the busy day and age we live in we can feel like we want our husbands free time to ourselves. LISTEN -Your husband has gifts that God can use to bless the body of Christ. You should encourage him to serve not discourage him-

3. C communication - updates (know the timing, tone and topic) NOT when he first walks through the door - Eph 5:33 women need love, men need respect- need it. It's the Biblical format for marriage- many times couples fight because they don't know how to communicate effectively -know your husband, study him, know what makes him tick and build him up. Yes there are challenging topics like raising kids, disciplining kids, finances, saving for the future. Where to live, etc. we must watch how we communicate- don't tear him down build him up- speak words seasoned with salt

Col 4:6 says let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Of course this verse applies to our spouse. I challenge you- think about not just what you say but how you say things to your husband- ladies raising your voice is disrespectful- watch this- pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help you and if necessary- repent- keep a journal - if you blow it with your tongue - write it down, try to find out what the trigger is- maybe you were hungry or it was a hot topic, or maybe you got overly emotional- for example, if your husband says I like this meal you prepared BUT I don't really like bell peppers, don't take it so personal. Just take a mental note of that and say OK sweetheart. He's not trying to tell you that your cooking is terrible - he is just simply telling you he doesn't like peppers . We as women Often "read into" our husbands words - don't do this. Don't react, pray and let the  Lord speak to you before you speak to him and say something  you might later regret-

3. C cultivate intimacy - intimacy is not just physical which of course is important to share intimate moments- but intimacy it starts in the morning - go on dates. Show kindness to him. Put notes in his lunch bag, text him scripture - treat him nice

4. E enjoy each other- best friend, show kindness to each other LOVE - be a friend - shoulder to shoulder, laugh together, watch AFV together for example - also turn the off button from your busy schedule- get a sitter or take a personal day off from work and go on a date- no cell phones- leave them in the car- take a walk in the park- the beach- Big bear- reconnect, enjoy each other - think about it- many ladies go to the glen ivy or other day spa and catch up with girl friends- do this with your husband- my husband and I once a year go to a bed and breakfast in the Cambria area- or Santa Barbara- - or here's another idea get a hotel even locally just a mini get away helps to refresh and Recharge your marriage

5. S Spend time in the Word your own devotional time, your own walk with the Lord affects your marriage. As you sit at Jesus' feet daily... Listen... Daily ! God will change you into that Prov 31 woman you desire to be ,
What did Jesus say when He was tempted? It is written- he uses the sword of the Spirit against the enemy
The weapons of our warfare are not carnal

6. S spend time in prayer

For I know that as you pray for me and the Spirit of Jesus Christ helps me, this will lead to my deliverance  Phil 1:19
Imagine this is your husband speaking to you-☝🏽️your husband needs your prayers -
If not you, who?

Prayer is important why?
Satan wants our husband-
He wants to take him out
With what?
Temptation- porn, work load, responsibilities, hobbies video games
Lust of the flesh lust of the eyes and pride of life
All these things are tugging at your husbands heart
Don't nag him pray for him
He's going through enough-
Men have heavy duty struggles as the leader and priest of the home
Show him love- be kind to him!
Show him grace
Eph 5:2 walk in love
Pray for him.
Pray daily
Pray at the lunch hour
Text him a scripture encouragement
Pray through the hard seasons -
You might not always like each other-
Pray through

I have a Friend who is having a hard time in her marriage
Her husband is pulling away
She tells me
He used to pray with me take me to church but not in a long time
Do you know what she does?
In the middle of the night she lays hands on him and prays for him
How many of you have seen war room?
 Pray for him
Fast for him
Ask him- how can I pray for you?
Show him respect by submitting to him as unto the Lord
1 Peter 3:1-2 says
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.

Matthew Henry's comments on 1 Peter 3- regarding husbands and wives
They are heirs together of all the blessings of this life and that which is to come, and should live peaceably one with another. Prayer sweetens their converse. And it is not enough that they pray with the family, but husband and wife together by themselves, and then with their children. Those who are acquainted with prayer, find such unspeakable sweetness -
I just loved that!

Prayer sweetens

Who doesn't want a sweet marriage?
There is a bond that the Holy Spirit seals when a husband and wife pray together.
There is power in it- and it also builds intimacy too.
There's nothing more real and sweet than pouring out your heart to the Lord in prayer with your spouse.
Maybe you say Laura, I would love to pray with my man, but he's not saved, or he's not strong in his walk

To the gal with an Unsaved husband -
First of all- I want to say, you are remarkable -
You are a living Gospel everyday to him.
You have a witness to him.
You might say to yourself but it's taking long....
I have a story to share
A friend of mine waited years and years and prayed for her husbands salvation
He wouldn't attend church and she got up and got her children dressed and attended alone for many years...
Then one day alone she fully surrendered to the Lord
She admitted- Jesus you are my savior but I confess I have not been living with you as Lord and CEO of my life for all these years ...
The holy spirit began  to transform her and he noticed- "you're different" he  said...
He got saved shortly after-
Why?
Because she said a persuasive lecture?
No. It was Her conduct- her conduct demonstrated the Fruit of the Spirit- Love
And the children of this family- now adults said thank you mom- thank you for not leaving Dad-
The adult children also benefited from their mom's obedience to the Lord
Listen
All husbands can grow in their passion for Jesus by the conduct of their wives.

1 Peter 3:1-2 shows us Even unsaved husbands can be won through the godly conduct of loving wives.

Submission is attractive.

Pastor David Guzik says -

The unbelieving husband sees this behaviour (what behavior ? Her kindness sacrifice, love of God and submission to his leadership role in the home her love for him) and he sees the beauty of it. Within his heart there is a witness that this is right, this is how God intended men and women to relate as husband as wife. He concludes, therefore, that the gospel which his wife believes must be true as well."

My sister is one of the most selfless people and selfless wife

I remember one time visiting  her and she was on her lunch break-she came home on her lunch break and proceeded to make her unemployed husband a sandwich- then she made her daughter a sandwich and finally (mind you I was watching this) she made one for herself and had to use the end of the bread for her self- she did not complain she smiled
She served with joy sacrificially without Complaint
I'll never forget that scene-
Submission is attractive and shows the Holy Spirit is in you

praying together -
I encourage you to pray - pray and ask the Lord to show him the importance of praying together as husband and wife
If your husband is a believer- just ask him
Ask him -- honey can you pray for us for God to bless our day?
Start with first thing in the morning before the kids go off to school
Then build on that
Ask the Holy Spirit to help him see!
Be patient
Here's another important note- many people ---our husbands includes feel nervous to pray out loud- even with you.
So just be patient loving and gracious
There's a book recommended called
"When couples pray" by Cheri Fuller
get it and read it together
One note in the book says all of us face obstacles  and challenges in our marriages but the good news is that God is for you he wants your marriage to succeed to be fulfilling and reflect His glory to the world around you. He has an inexhaustible storehouse of love  and provision for you every single day of your life even new mercies  every morning the key to accessing all these  resources for your marriage and family is prayer

A Wise man builds his house on the rock

Danny and Silvia Colunga- example- he had cancer and then she became ill too...
God showed me his devotion to Christ represented a Real man- real marriage

Don't we all agree marriages need prayer.
If not you who?
Pray for your husband
Pray scripture over him
Pray for protection from the enemy
Pray for strongholds to be broken
Pray for his walk
Pray for him to be filled with the Holy Spirit
Maybe you're so tired
Maybe you're marriage is troubled and you feel like throwing in the towel
Let me ask you-
Have you prayed and fasted?
Remember in Matthew 17 Jesus said- this kind does not depart but by prayer and fasting- and also you must pray in faith
  Phil 1:6- being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Christ Jesus

 Pastor Dave Ralph said
Sometimes the reason we are  frustrated with life (or frustrated in your marriage) is because we look in the mirror and see something as it shouldn't be.
 "but you need to have the hope that God is not finished with you --- so enjoy life because you know God - He is good- and so expect great things to come and we expect great things from Him."
Pray with expectation
Pray unsafe
Pray bold asking God to Recharge your marriage with the Holy Spirit
Maybe you're thinking- Laura I do pray. I pray every day for my husband and marriage- still we are in a funk- or still we are not on fire for God as I desire us to be

One question-
I ask is there any Unforgiveness in your heart? Greg Laurie said -If you're someone who holds grudges if you keep score and can't let things go then you need to know something, you will suffer in life -  - you also will see your prayer life come to a screeching halt.

Eph 4:32  - 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

Greater love has no man than this than to lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13
Wives lay it down- forgive him and repent,

Lay down your life for the Lord
Lay down your life for husband
Show love by submitting to your husband as to the Lord
Show love by treating him special and setting him up for success
Show love by praying for him

For I know that as you pray for me and the Spirit of Jesus Christ helps me, this will lead to my deliverance

Let's  pray

Jesus said you have not because you
Ask not
Well we're here Lord and we're going to pray Big for marriages