Hate and Divorce

Hate is a bad word in our society. I teach my children that it's "bad" and we try not to say it...
But there are some things it's actually OK or permitted by God to hate.
Divorce is one of them...

This topic has been on my heart for weeks and I did not want to blog about it...but after Pastor David's awesome message this morning (Col 3: 18-19, Husbands love your wives and do not be bitter towards them) I feel compelled to share my heart and recent experience counseling with divorced (or soon to be divorced) people.

First, what does it mean to "hate?"
Webster's Dictionary defines hate: a. intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury b : extreme dislike or antipathy.

Well is it true that God "hates" divorce? Yes, it sure is.
Malachi 2:6 says, "For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, For it covers one's garment with violence," Says the LORD of hosts. "Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously."

Matthew 19:3-9
The Pharisees also came to Him (Jesus), testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?"
And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,'
"and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?
"So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?"
He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
"And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."

So the Old Testament and the New Testament speak about divorce. Jesus clarified that Moses did not "command" divorce but did permit/allow it only if the reason was for adultery.

Here's what God has been speaking to me about lately. I do practice family law part time. I have handled divorces, child support issues, child visitation issues, child and spousal support, etc.
I have had such a heavey heart and been grieved because divorce and/or marriage problems have happening so much around me!

God has used me to counsel with people and although I am no expert, here is what I have been learning: NO ONE BENEFITS FROM DIVORCE.

The ex-wife ends up spiritually and emotionally hurt and bitter and feeling empty.
The ex-husband ends up spiritually and emotionally hurt and bitter. He feels confused as to why "he has to pay" so much spousal and child support and feels empty and as if he is a failure.
The children end up scarred for life, confused, sad, and left lonely and unsecure. They too feel empty.

I have realized lately that the world, flesh and Satan truly do (in unison) want marriages to end in divorce. Many people walk away from God after divorce. They feel that God didn't heal the marriage, or that God put the wrong person in his/her path and it's His fault the marriage didn't succeed.

I go back to the definition of "hate." I believe in the case of divorce, the reason God hates divorce is #1 it was and is not His plan or intention for people to get divorced and #2 people end up hurt, beaten and bruised from the divorce....The children really are hurt by the divorce.

Jesus said, "The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." John 10:10

An abundant life is a Jesus life. A life focused on Jesus, centered on Jesus, increasing in the love of Jesus, following the example of Jesus, relying on Jesus. Also, self-denial is necessary for abundant/fulfilling life.

God hates divorce because He sees how it destroys people. This is the antithesis of His goal and intention and purpose to give us abundant life. Does this make sense?

I was thinking about this the other day...I was counseling with someone who's marriage is hanging by a thread. I encouraged her to pray for her spouse and even ask him if she can pray out loud for him. "Have you ever done this?" I asked. "Not really. Maybe a few times." She responded. This is what God showed me. We can't "hate" or harbor bitterness toward someone we are praying for. Remember, the definition of hate relates to "an injury." A wife may begin to "hate" her spouse because he has in her eyes, injured her. So what should she do? Well the world would say, "Just get a divorce. End it. Then you will be happy." But God says lay your life down so that you may gain it back again...God's Word would advise, "Give your marriage to Jesus and surrender yourself to Him completely."

Now of course there are some marriages that end in divorce and the reason may be Biblical...but the point is...it's not God's command. It's only allowed in certain instances.

My heart has been aching and breaking for these people that come to me needing help with a divorce or child support issues, etc.

I am humbled by the way some people choose to take their concerns to prayer, to the throne of Jesus. These people that turn to Jesus during their divorce, or after are indeed made whole (of course there may still be pain from the effects of the divorce). As the scripture says, "He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3.

But God does indeed hate divorce and I must say, I do too. The paperwork and court hearings are a hassle. It's emotionally, physically, spiritually draining. The divorce process hurts God, the husband, the wife, the children, the extended family, co-workers, and any one else that knows the person going through it are affected.

Also, God says the church is His "bride." So an man and woman united in marriage is a picture of Christ and His bride. Christ laid His life down for the church, His bride. Divorce distorts that picture. Isn't that so sad?

If you are married. Pray, pray, pray for your spouse!! (1 Thessalonians 5:17). Pray with your spouse and pray over your spouse. Husbands love (communicate, show emotions) and wives respect (show honor, use kind words, tell him you are thankful he works to provide for the family, give physical/sexual love). Forgive each other and don't bring it up again! Read God's Word together. Read Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3 over and over again. Die to your flesh DAILY. Buy and read, "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs.

Do whatever you can to invest into your marriage! It's God's design and marriage is intended to be a life-long picture of Christ and the church. Love your spouse as unto the LORD and don't ever allow the enemy to bring the word divorce into your vocabulary.

(PS: You can email me privately if you have a prayer request!)