Trial Season

I recall years ago I was in the middle of my first year in law school. I saw an old Sociology professor of mine and she asked me " how is law school?"

I said "ugh! This is the most intellectually challenging time of my life, it's so hard!!"

She responded, "Good to hear!
That's wonderful news!"

I'll never forget that moment. I thought this woman is crazy. My brain is fried and she thinks it's a good thing?

But now I get it....

Trials and tests are good for us.

Gulp.

We want blessings and favor and happiness.
But what we really want in those "easy" seasons is to be left alone.
God you are good in that safe little box. Sure, I'll thank you for that pay increase or giving me an upfront parking spot, and I'll thank you for new friends at church, but other than that, I'm on cruise control and please don't allow any detours, bumps in the road, new construction or other hiccups.

I'm doing fine.

God allows trials so we may realize :
1. who God is
2. We are not God nor were we ever in control.

Count it all joy.

Oh boy. How can I count this all joy?

You might say "I'm suffering, my life is a mess, I can barely hold on, and I'm supposed to be joyful?"

Yes.
Why?
Because we are partaking of the fellowship of His suffering.

Phil 3:10
That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being made conformable unto His death; (KJV)

Phil 3:8
More than that, I count all things as loss compared to the surpassing excellence of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ

1 Peter 4:13
Instead, be very glad--for these trials make you partners with Christ in His suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing His glory when it is revealed to all the world.

I think we have an incorrect view of the word "joy."

My professor became joyful when I told her I was being challenged.
Why?
Because challenges produce growth.
She became joyful, because in her experience, she knew my current intellectual pain (the "challenge") was sure to produce exciting results....
She knew....
I was learning.
That caused her to smile.

Every trial and failure I have faced ...God used it. It was like "boot camp" for the battle I would later face.

Just look at David:

1 Samuel 17:34-37
But David said to Saul, “Your servant used to keep his father’s sheep, and when a lion or a bear came and took a lamb out of the flock, I went out after it and struck it, and delivered the lamb from its mouth; and when it arose against me, I caught it by its beard, and struck and killed it. Your servant has killed both lion and bear; and this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, seeing he has defied the armies of the living God.” Moreover David said, “The Lord, who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear, He will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.”

David and the Lord had history. God helped David conquer the bear, then the lion. God built David's faith, one trial (one mini-Goliath) at a time.

So when the BIG ONE came, David was ready. He was not reliant on His own abilities -but God's. That's the key---may I decrease and may You increase Lord.

This is my encouragement- don't think God hates you, or is mad at you, or delights to keep you in this trial.
No.
That is not the character of our God.
Look at your trial as "boot camp."
You want to be a warrior don't you?
You want to be used by God don't you?
Then count this trial as joy- because God is preparing you for something bigger.
Pray big and bold-  because Satan wants to kick you while you're down...
But remember God wants us to partake of the fellowship of His suffering to answer our very own prayer:
" LORD MAKE ME LIKE YOU! "

Waiting for "NEW"

Rev 21:1-5
Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea. Then I, John,[a] saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me,[b] “Write, for these words are true and faithful.

Do we really believe that God will make all things new?

Are you stuck in a rut are you living a life of mundane routine?

It certainly feels like that at times for all of us.

I am longing for the day when we will be in a new place.

A place where the crushed of spirit find peace, a place where those who are exhausted from crying find relief.
A place where Jesus is forever King.

Matt 11:28 says come to me all who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest.

People tell me all the time "I'm a good mom"

I certainly don't feel like it.

I feel like I'm failing- like there is more work to be done. More praying ...more seeking help for Isaac... more enjoying nature with him... more seeking Gods face, more encouragement to my daughter that it's ok if she gets frustrated with Isaac- he's different.....more explaining myself to people over and over and over ...explaining to strangers that I'm sorry Isaac touched them or looked in their purse or behaved oddly he has autism.

I feel completely 100% inadequate to raise Isaac and you know what?

God says "good"!

That might seem mean or rude, but it's not.

I used to wake up full of a lot of joy. I would say a quick prayer "good morning Lord thank you for this day" and go about my merry way...

Now I wake up tired.

I wake up asking for mercy, for strength for the armor of God to be fastened upon me, because I haven't the strength to put it on myself. I ask God for his Spirit because I don't have any energy in me to be the Godly woman he desires me to be.

I ask for wisdom and insight from his Word and I clammer like a deprived child in a candy store to gain any new nuggets of honey and encouragement as I read through the Bible.

I'm tired.

I have a special needs child.
You have special needs too.
Maybe it's your marriage, or family, or depression, or body image/self image, or lack of excitement for life, or work, or feeling broke- financially and emotionally, or maybe you too feel like a failing parent.
You long for peace but it appears fleeting, like the dandelion blowing in the wind.
Peace is not a state of mind- peace is God incarnate. (See John 14:27)
If you have hard times, tell God how inadequate you are. Cry out in prayer like you would to your very best friend. Then after you cry out then dust yourself off, and praise Him.
For as you were crying out to him and praying ....it's already been done! the new heaven and new earth is already formed and every day we are closer to it...

Psalm 141:8
But my eyes are fixed on you, Sovereign LORD; in you I take refuge--do not give me over to death (NIV)

But mine eyes are unto thee, O GOD the Lord: in thee is my trust; leave not my soul destitute. (KJV)

He NEVER fails and He is the Alpha and Omega. Rev 22:13

In His presence is fullness of joy. Psalm 16:11 If you feel down, get out of your head and press into His presence.

AW Tozier "...the righteous shall shine forth in the kingdom of their father. He [The meek man] is willing to wait for that day"

On the Throne

Yesterday was one of those hugely rough days. On the way to driving Olivia to school I kept  telling her how overwhelmed  I felt ...
I literally just stopped talking to her and  broke into prayer out loud. I reminded myself of who God is...and that He knows the end from the beginning that He is the great I am and He is in control and He will work all things together for good.
Over the last few months there have been so many tragedies and trials brought to my attention. There have been triumphs and victories and amazing answers to prayer.

I expressed to Chuck that I needed to let it out. I needed to cry.
I try my best to leave things at the foot of the cross but my emotions linger.
My emotions don't listen to the Spirit which says "it's going to be ok- God is fighting this battle for your friend who is hurting !"
As an intercessor, it's easy to carry burdens that don't belong to you...
We are not mother hens, we are co-laborers in Christ.
So here is an encouraging prayer I'm writing to the Lord and God willing it will encourage you too.
Lord I am so mad at the injustices I see in the world. I am so frustrated how people focus on the trivial instead of the eternal.
While so many of us are focusing on that last minute Christmas gift others have had their heart pulled out from them because they will not see their child on Christmas they have to share their child's time with the other parent.
Lord God children were not meant to be shared between two households, like if they are a commodity, children were created to be gifts and blessings nourished by both parents in one home for your glory and honor.
"Why can't we all just get along?" Rodney King cried out - there are deep-rooted issues and I wish people would get along. There are icebergs of unforgiveness that only Christ can destroy with His love and the flame in his eyes. Why do the sweetest people have to get cancer? It seems so unfair... Why do the loving Christian workers get persecuted on the job? Why do people reject you over and over again?  Oh Lord we were not meant for this earth. Death does sting (but only on earth). Watching friends grieve is so painful. Broken bodies, broken spirits broken marriages broken families....I've seen this a lot lately...but you know what I rarely see? Brokenness over pride. Pride keeps us from you God. If a family is hurting - you are the healer. If a friend grieves the death of a loved one, you are the comforter. If a husband or wife walks out, you are the redeemer and you promise to never leave us nor forsake us. God who cares about bank accounts, the perfect job, perfect body perfect house. None of these things satisfy. Nothing satisfies- only you. Lord forgive me forgive us for focusing on the world and its problems instead of focusing on YOU the problem solver. That's what Christmas is all about. YOU! you died for us and we are simply pilgrims on our way home. Provide relief Lord. Provide respite for your sons and daughters that are tired of seeing Satan steal joy. May you remind us our internal and eternal joy can't ever be removed because
YOU
Are
On
The
THRONE!!!


Revelation 5:13
Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, saying: "To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever"
AMEN

Scripture references:
Revelation 19:12
Romans 8:28
Psalm 127:3
1 Corinth 15:55-56



I have Learned to be Content

I have learned to be content….Phil 4:11

I was putting Isaac to sleep the other night and feeling sad about autism.

He doesn’t say new things. He says the same thing.

Lay down…sleepy.

He is now 8 ½ almost 9 and I am human. I get sad. I wish he could have a conversation with me.

But I don’t want to stay there.

 So I reflect on what God has done.

Self talk: I remind myself what God has done.

Remember when you prayed and prayed for Isaac to talk?

God answered that prayer

Remember when you prayed and prayed Isaac would be potty trained?

God answered that prayer.

Remember when you prayed and asked God to help Isaac not bite other kids at school?

God is answering this prayer

Remember you asked God for break throughs? 

Like for Isaac to sleep through the night because he would wake up 2-3 times a night and start playing very loud and you had broken sleep for 6 straight years?

He sleeps through the night now doesn’t he? Yes.

I have learned to be content.

I find myself fighting with myself.

On one hand I am thrilled at all the break throughs and miraculous answers to prayer God has moved mightily in Isaac’s life. I am so full of joy.

On the other hand…Isaac still has autism and some days and/or moments are hard.

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.

I stopped and meditated on this verse. I tried to put myself in Paul’s shoes.

He was shipwrecked, persecuted, imprisoned, stoned, hungry, cold…etc.

I have learned to be content. Phil 4:11

Then I meditated on the word “learn” My husband is a teacher and we always talk about the learning process.

That’s it!!!

It’s a process…I have learned to be content. It’s not like a light bulb. It’s a daily sacrificial learning. 

Some days are great and I am learning to be content. Somedays are hard and I have to re-learn to be content. I will get there…I will with God’s grace say like Paul “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances”

It’s a learning process. We “LEARN” how to be content by reminding ourselves of God’s character (through His names) and by meditating on His promises.

I have learned to be content.

I like the ESV

"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content."

May we put the enemy in his place. 

May we tell our emotions- NO. I am not going there..I am not going to feel sorry about this circumstance 

I am going to learn to be content and in that state I find JOY in His presence!

Olivia blessed my heart. She said her friends were arguing and she did not change her mood. She continued to try to crack jokes and stay calm. “Why are you so nice?” they asked her. “I am just trying to be like my mom. Even when situations are hard…she stays happy” she said.

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstance. If my daughter is learning this and putting it into practice all I can say is Glory to God. Wow, what a Great God we serve!

Fragile

I went on a walk today and the Lord spoke this to me:

Fragile - handle with care

I'm fragile Lord.
I'm Emotional. I'm about to break down any minute
I know my daughter - I will handle you with care. You have always been fragile to me. Prone to damage if not handled with care. Your fragility is not a weakness, it's your greatest asset. I made you to feel. I made you to care. I made you this way. If you did not feel vulnerable you might never come to me...
But you do come...you come frequently and I love it. I love our time together. So sing on. Weep if you need to, because I'm holding you, my daughter, my little girl.

Why the thorn?

Why the thorn?

Satan is a big coward. He won't even talk to me when I have my robe of righteousness on. Christ's love is like of force field. He just runs away.

No.

He only comes around when I'm down. When my mind is so caught up in the pain and frustration that I neglect to put my armor on. And I become consumed with my thorn.

Like Job, may I come before you so bold to ask a question?

Why the thorn Lord?
Why this thorn?
Why me? Why now? Why this?

A thorn pierces and that's exactly how I feel, pierced through. Cut to pieces.
Can't you take it away? I know you can, but you won't. You already told me.
Your grace is sufficient. Just like you told Paul, you tell me.

He had a thorn too.

What Lord? Are you speaking?
If so I'm listening. I don't want to miss this lesson, I don't want to waste this pain.

It's as though you're reminding me you put this thorn there- deliberately, intentionally not to harm ....but to protect.

How can a thorn protect? This thorn is a symbol of constant pain. A wounded warrior I am...

This thorn you say, is there intentionally, it's protecting you from wandering, it's protecting you from complacency, it's protecting you from self-harm- yes my child- self harm- harm to self. I see you child. I see the real you and I see the potential for self harm. This thorn as sharp as it is, is there to keep you close to me and that's what you really want- ME. All of me. Not an American version of me, or a version of me you developed on your own, but the real me---
The Great I AM.
Holy.
Exalted.
Loyal.
Loving.
Powerful.
Pure.
Sovereign.
Majestic
Beautiful.
All Consuming.
The only One Capable of Filling the hole in your heart
Me, Your Father

You asked why the thorn, well I can't fully answer you, you don't have the capacity to understand now; you will never fully understand until you arrive- in my kingdom- where the thorns grow no more...

Why I am Not A Cool Mom

Why I'm not a cool mom.

I am not your pal. I'm your mom.

Years ago I worked at Contempo and Wet Seal. I was amazed at some moms who wore similar outfits as their daughters trying to be "hip and cool". Moms who might allow their child to drink coffee at 8 years old and be their child's friend.

As my daughter is entering 5th grade and the tween phase I find myself reminding her -  "I'm not your friend- I'm your mom"

I remind her that the Bible instructs "children obey your parents" (Colossians 3:20) and "honor your father and mother" (Exodus 20:12)

If her tone is not right or she rolls her eyes I remind her that she must respect me and this behavior is not ok.

The other night we had a very beautiful conversation after night devotions.
She said  "Mom, if I ever walk away from the Lord's path will you bring me back?" I answered :
"I can't do that Olivia. Only YOU can in your heart come back to the Lord"
She replied "What I meant was, will you always encourage me to come back to Him if I ever walked away?" "Yes, always" I answered.
One of my favorite New Testament people in the Bible is Barnabas- the encourager. (Acts 4:14)
Parents are to always encourage their children - to set them up for success in their goals and walks with God-To build them up--To be more like a coach, less like a friend.
Kids don't always like their coaches. Coaches push and encourage their athlete to try their best- coaches see the ability in the athlete beyond what he/she sees in him/herself.
I was so blessed my daughter asked me to always encourage her. That is so important to me. We can't be too militant because that's not loving and we can't be a friend because kids need discipline.
We must be a mom after Gods own heart, a dad after Gods own heart- and this goal is really, really painstakingly hard.

We must admit when we mess up.
Pray through tears.
Say yes as the Lord leads and say no as the Lord leads and truly be an epistle for our child to read.
Imitate me Paul said. (1 Corinthians 11:1)
How many parents can say that to their kids?

"Act just like me baby girl."
"Act just like me mijo."

Most of us cringe at that...We DON'T want our kids to act like us. We are a work in progress, flawed to the core.

If our kids see us as human - fail sometimes yes- succeed sometimes yes- but in all circumstances we put Christ first, then we can say "imitate me, as I imitate Christ"

You may never be a cool mom or cool dad but you'll be planting seeds of love and Truth in them day after day- and that's FAR more important.