Self and Self Forgetfulness

Self
Oh boy isn't it a problem?
But we won't start with our self...
We will start with others in the Bible who were full of themselves....

Saul- at first thought low of himself
(I'm the least from the tribe of Benjamin, then became obsessed with himself and jealous of David when they sang "Saul killed his thousands and David killed ten thousands ) (See 1 Samuel and 2 Samuel)

Nebuchadnezzar- so full of himself he made a large statue and demanded worship, then later was humbled like a lowly animal and admitted "the Lord alone is God" (See Daniel 3:1-6; Daniel Ch. 4)

David - a humble shepherd boy, the youngest of his brothers, ( 1 Samuel 16) later promoted to King (2 Samuel) , then pride took over via the vehicle of lust ( 2 Samuel 11) , then humbled again when the Prophet Nathan called him out (2 Samuel 12:1-7) (I'm so thankful for the "Nathan's" God uses to gently show us with are in sin)

Id ego and super ego

Even Martha (Mary's sister) had a self problem- "why isn't she helping me Jesus ! Make her help me!" (Say in a whiny voice) She should have been amazed to serve Jesus in stead she was caught up in making the Pinterest perfect meal, again so she could get applause. (see Luke 10:38-42) 

A good friend  recommended a book ---
"The Freedom of Self Forgetfulness: the path to true Christian Joy" by Timothy Keller to my husband. He couldn't stop talking about it and sharing nuggets with me...
For example:

When you look at someone on tv and say, "Wow, look at her! She's so fit... I need to start working out"
you aren't saying that because you're proud of her or glad for her... what you are really saying is "she's more fit than me...." and once again it goes back to the attention being on self.

Timothy Keller explains that it's not about thinking less of your self, or thinking more of your self it's about
THINKING OF YOUR SELF LESS (that is the self view has no power over you)
This a challenging concept to summarize and I suggest you buy the 30 page book Timothy Keller book from Amazon (or other site)

Basically, Paul in writing to the Corinthians encourages them to think less of themselves. Don't pull rank and be full of pride, don't walk around saying "I'm garbage, I'm no body" both of these views are incorrect for the Christian.
We should simply say
"Christ loves me, and it is His opinion that matters, nothing more nothing less"

Keller goes on to explain that our American Culture is obsessed with performance based verdicts. It's all about how I perform, then I look in the mirror and give myself a grade. Or, how I perform, then I put it on social media and let my friends give me a grade. Or I serve at church and I beg God to give me a grade.

All of these are wrong.
In thinking of ourselves less- we already have a view of completion because of the finished work of Christ.
We don't have to perform.
We don't have to look at ourselves harshly, or highly...
No
We simply look at Christ and then "do" as the Spirit leads...

CS Lewis noted in Mere Christianity (and cited by Keller) that if we met a truly humble person... we would not remember them thinking "wow that guy was humble" no... what we would remember from meeting a truly Gospel- humble person is how much they seemed to be totally interested in us. Because the essence of Gospel-humility is not thinking more of myself or thinking less of myself, it is thinking of myself less.
John the Baptist said it so well
"He must increase and I must decrease"

Let's practice this thinking and re-train our brain (with prayer and Gods working it in us course) . Let's put others first. Let's imitate Christ. Let's get over our selfie.

Oh Snap!

Oh snap!
Do you find yourself easily annoyed or irritated?
Then this blog is for you...  
Ephesians 4:29
Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them
Colossians 4:6 Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer every man.

Oh Lord forgive me for my short patience. Oh Lord Jesus please forgive me for being well "snappy."
For being short with people or annoyed or even with my body language showing that I'm irritated.

I have a confession to make. Sometimes autism just gets to me. I love my son I love him more than life and he is a precious child. God created him special ... God is the potter and Isaac is the Clay. How dare I ever look to the potter and say what are you doing why did you make him different?
No I don't want to ask God why I want to trust in His character in that He is the Master potter the Master builder and He knows exactly what He is doing - He is Lord of all creation. God knit our family together, one boy one girl one typical child one on the autistic spectrum -that's what God designed for our Gonzalez family and I'm good with it. However there are times where I am just flat out irritable.

I'm annoyed at the checker for the way that she's looking at Isaac. I'm annoyed at the long line at the drive-through window because don't they understand kids with autism have a hard time waiting? I have never thought of myself as an impatient person but I find myself losing patience getting frustrated with people, the clerks,  teachers, etc. For example the other day I explained to Isaac's teacher and to the aids that we are trying a new therapy with Isaac and we are no longer giving him veggie tales or Larry boy or any type of characters like that. He had a meltdown and pinched a teacher because of a veggie tales book in the library. I wrote a long email and even had a meeting with the principal and program specialist explaining the need to not allow Isaac to have any veggie tales books at school. Then the next week in Isaac's log there's a note from the teacher that says "Isaac did well today and he was able to check out and return veggie tales book from the library."

I was extremely annoyed. After all of my efforts to explain to the principal, program specialist, teacher and aide that we do not want this... something still was lost in communication.

These type of things sometimes cause me to go over the edge. I am so sorry Lord for this. I do not like when my flesh rises up within me .. you might be reading this and think well I can't really relate I don't have a child with autism.
However search your heart, there might be certain triggers or certain things that cause you to snap. Maybe it's that you're hungry or maybe it's that you've been sitting in traffic all day or maybe it's that your spouse asked you a question and you were asked the same question 20 times during your day. Then the moment your spouse walks in the door there you go you snap because you are annoyed that yet another person asked you that question.

Snapping or being irritable or being annoyed is sin. This is something the Lord is reminding me lately when I am short on patience. I can try to minimize it or say that I need to give myself grace in this area because I'm a special-needs mom. Stop.
No.
I'm not going to do that !
I'm going to call it sin. God wants me to be a Spirit filled person a Spirit filled mom a Spirit filled wife. The problem with irritability getting easily annoyed or snapping is one word -the flesh. When the kids were younger I used to take "mommy time outs" and I would go in the restroom drop to my knees and pray alone in a room   and say "God please help me to be a spirit filled mom I don't want to be a yelling mom"
Think about it. When you are getting annoyed or irritated with another person you're failing to use grace. God wants us to be gracious people I want to exercise those fruits of the spirit not just let him sit  there stagnant. Think about those fruit that go uneaten in your fridge. What happens? They rot. We don't want to have rotten fruit. We want to be spirit filled believers - Galatians 5.
Love Joy peace long-suffering kindness goodness faithfulness gentleness self-control. If you feel like me your flesh is rising up for this reason or that do not make excuses for it. Take a time out or whatever you want to call it -take a break. Take a prayer break- go talk to the Lord and confess to Him that you can seriously feel your flesh rising up and you're about to go postal on someone. Ask the Lord to help you to calm you to soothe you breathe and pray put on worship.

Also, I want to point out that when you do snap at someone you never feel good after you feel guilty and you feel bad that you snapped on an innocent victim. Oh snap. Please Lord help us not to snap but instead to confess our sins to you and to ask you to calm us and soothe us. Holy Spirit show us what the triggers are so we will not snap at others and hurt the feelings of others when they are sometimes just trying to help us.

Hug for Daddy

Hug for daddy

Children with autism are sensitive to touch. Many (not all) children on the spectrum do not like to be hugged. This is extremely hard for us parents. I must admit, when I see a child run up to his mom and squeal "Mommy!" And wrap his little chubby arms around the mother's neck, I become jealous...Isaac doesn't do this.

Isaac has improved and he will let you hug him, but it doesn't feel genuine. Again, this is painful.

On Feb 19, 2017 Isaac had an accident. He fell very hard and there was blood (thank God no stitches)
Chuck was sharing with me how Isaac ran to him and cried and sobbed and bled.

He hugged him.
A real hug.

How many times is this true of us?

We go to our Heavenly Father and give Him a half hearted "side hug"
It's not until we fall, (emotionally, sick physically, mentally spent, financially, hurt with a relationship problem, etc) THEN we give our Father a genuine hug. An embrace that says "I'm hurting and you're the only one who can comfort me"

The Holy Spirit is the Comforter.

John 14:15-18

“If you love Me, keep My commandments. And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you. I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.”
‭‭John‬ ‭14:15-18‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

So thankful for our Heavenly Father's embrace and comfort.

Trial Season

I recall years ago I was in the middle of my first year in law school. I saw an old Sociology professor of mine and she asked me " how is law school?"

I said "ugh! This is the most intellectually challenging time of my life, it's so hard!!"

She responded, "Good to hear!
That's wonderful news!"

I'll never forget that moment. I thought this woman is crazy. My brain is fried and she thinks it's a good thing?

But now I get it....

Trials and tests are good for us.

Gulp.

We want blessings and favor and happiness.
But what we really want in those "easy" seasons is to be left alone.
God you are good in that safe little box. Sure, I'll thank you for that pay increase or giving me an upfront parking spot, and I'll thank you for new friends at church, but other than that, I'm on cruise control and please don't allow any detours, bumps in the road, new construction or other hiccups.

I'm doing fine.

God allows trials so we may realize :
1. who God is
2. We are not God nor were we ever in control.

Count it all joy.

Oh boy. How can I count this all joy?

You might say "I'm suffering, my life is a mess, I can barely hold on, and I'm supposed to be joyful?"

Yes.
Why?
Because we are partaking of the fellowship of His suffering.

Phil 3:10
That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being made conformable unto His death; (KJV)

Phil 3:8
More than that, I count all things as loss compared to the surpassing excellence of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ

1 Peter 4:13
Instead, be very glad--for these trials make you partners with Christ in His suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing His glory when it is revealed to all the world.

I think we have an incorrect view of the word "joy."

My professor became joyful when I told her I was being challenged.
Why?
Because challenges produce growth.
She became joyful, because in her experience, she knew my current intellectual pain (the "challenge") was sure to produce exciting results....
She knew....
I was learning.
That caused her to smile.

Every trial and failure I have faced ...God used it. It was like "boot camp" for the battle I would later face.

Just look at David:

1 Samuel 17:34-37
But David said to Saul, “Your servant used to keep his father’s sheep, and when a lion or a bear came and took a lamb out of the flock, I went out after it and struck it, and delivered the lamb from its mouth; and when it arose against me, I caught it by its beard, and struck and killed it. Your servant has killed both lion and bear; and this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, seeing he has defied the armies of the living God.” Moreover David said, “The Lord, who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear, He will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.”

David and the Lord had history. God helped David conquer the bear, then the lion. God built David's faith, one trial (one mini-Goliath) at a time.

So when the BIG ONE came, David was ready. He was not reliant on His own abilities -but God's. That's the key---may I decrease and may You increase Lord.

This is my encouragement- don't think God hates you, or is mad at you, or delights to keep you in this trial.
No.
That is not the character of our God.
Look at your trial as "boot camp."
You want to be a warrior don't you?
You want to be used by God don't you?
Then count this trial as joy- because God is preparing you for something bigger.
Pray big and bold-  because Satan wants to kick you while you're down...
But remember God wants us to partake of the fellowship of His suffering to answer our very own prayer:
" LORD MAKE ME LIKE YOU! "

Waiting for "NEW"

Rev 21:1-5
Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea. Then I, John,[a] saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me,[b] “Write, for these words are true and faithful.

Do we really believe that God will make all things new?

Are you stuck in a rut are you living a life of mundane routine?

It certainly feels like that at times for all of us.

I am longing for the day when we will be in a new place.

A place where the crushed of spirit find peace, a place where those who are exhausted from crying find relief.
A place where Jesus is forever King.

Matt 11:28 says come to me all who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest.

People tell me all the time "I'm a good mom"

I certainly don't feel like it.

I feel like I'm failing- like there is more work to be done. More praying ...more seeking help for Isaac... more enjoying nature with him... more seeking Gods face, more encouragement to my daughter that it's ok if she gets frustrated with Isaac- he's different.....more explaining myself to people over and over and over ...explaining to strangers that I'm sorry Isaac touched them or looked in their purse or behaved oddly he has autism.

I feel completely 100% inadequate to raise Isaac and you know what?

God says "good"!

That might seem mean or rude, but it's not.

I used to wake up full of a lot of joy. I would say a quick prayer "good morning Lord thank you for this day" and go about my merry way...

Now I wake up tired.

I wake up asking for mercy, for strength for the armor of God to be fastened upon me, because I haven't the strength to put it on myself. I ask God for his Spirit because I don't have any energy in me to be the Godly woman he desires me to be.

I ask for wisdom and insight from his Word and I clammer like a deprived child in a candy store to gain any new nuggets of honey and encouragement as I read through the Bible.

I'm tired.

I have a special needs child.
You have special needs too.
Maybe it's your marriage, or family, or depression, or body image/self image, or lack of excitement for life, or work, or feeling broke- financially and emotionally, or maybe you too feel like a failing parent.
You long for peace but it appears fleeting, like the dandelion blowing in the wind.
Peace is not a state of mind- peace is God incarnate. (See John 14:27)
If you have hard times, tell God how inadequate you are. Cry out in prayer like you would to your very best friend. Then after you cry out then dust yourself off, and praise Him.
For as you were crying out to him and praying ....it's already been done! the new heaven and new earth is already formed and every day we are closer to it...

Psalm 141:8
But my eyes are fixed on you, Sovereign LORD; in you I take refuge--do not give me over to death (NIV)

But mine eyes are unto thee, O GOD the Lord: in thee is my trust; leave not my soul destitute. (KJV)

He NEVER fails and He is the Alpha and Omega. Rev 22:13

In His presence is fullness of joy. Psalm 16:11 If you feel down, get out of your head and press into His presence.

AW Tozier "...the righteous shall shine forth in the kingdom of their father. He [The meek man] is willing to wait for that day"

On the Throne

Yesterday was one of those hugely rough days. On the way to driving Olivia to school I kept  telling her how overwhelmed  I felt ...
I literally just stopped talking to her and  broke into prayer out loud. I reminded myself of who God is...and that He knows the end from the beginning that He is the great I am and He is in control and He will work all things together for good.
Over the last few months there have been so many tragedies and trials brought to my attention. There have been triumphs and victories and amazing answers to prayer.

I expressed to Chuck that I needed to let it out. I needed to cry.
I try my best to leave things at the foot of the cross but my emotions linger.
My emotions don't listen to the Spirit which says "it's going to be ok- God is fighting this battle for your friend who is hurting !"
As an intercessor, it's easy to carry burdens that don't belong to you...
We are not mother hens, we are co-laborers in Christ.
So here is an encouraging prayer I'm writing to the Lord and God willing it will encourage you too.
Lord I am so mad at the injustices I see in the world. I am so frustrated how people focus on the trivial instead of the eternal.
While so many of us are focusing on that last minute Christmas gift others have had their heart pulled out from them because they will not see their child on Christmas they have to share their child's time with the other parent.
Lord God children were not meant to be shared between two households, like if they are a commodity, children were created to be gifts and blessings nourished by both parents in one home for your glory and honor.
"Why can't we all just get along?" Rodney King cried out - there are deep-rooted issues and I wish people would get along. There are icebergs of unforgiveness that only Christ can destroy with His love and the flame in his eyes. Why do the sweetest people have to get cancer? It seems so unfair... Why do the loving Christian workers get persecuted on the job? Why do people reject you over and over again?  Oh Lord we were not meant for this earth. Death does sting (but only on earth). Watching friends grieve is so painful. Broken bodies, broken spirits broken marriages broken families....I've seen this a lot lately...but you know what I rarely see? Brokenness over pride. Pride keeps us from you God. If a family is hurting - you are the healer. If a friend grieves the death of a loved one, you are the comforter. If a husband or wife walks out, you are the redeemer and you promise to never leave us nor forsake us. God who cares about bank accounts, the perfect job, perfect body perfect house. None of these things satisfy. Nothing satisfies- only you. Lord forgive me forgive us for focusing on the world and its problems instead of focusing on YOU the problem solver. That's what Christmas is all about. YOU! you died for us and we are simply pilgrims on our way home. Provide relief Lord. Provide respite for your sons and daughters that are tired of seeing Satan steal joy. May you remind us our internal and eternal joy can't ever be removed because
YOU
Are
On
The
THRONE!!!


Revelation 5:13
Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, saying: "To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever"
AMEN

Scripture references:
Revelation 19:12
Romans 8:28
Psalm 127:3
1 Corinth 15:55-56



I have Learned to be Content

I have learned to be content….Phil 4:11

I was putting Isaac to sleep the other night and feeling sad about autism.

He doesn’t say new things. He says the same thing.

Lay down…sleepy.

He is now 8 ½ almost 9 and I am human. I get sad. I wish he could have a conversation with me.

But I don’t want to stay there.

 So I reflect on what God has done.

Self talk: I remind myself what God has done.

Remember when you prayed and prayed for Isaac to talk?

God answered that prayer

Remember when you prayed and prayed Isaac would be potty trained?

God answered that prayer.

Remember when you prayed and asked God to help Isaac not bite other kids at school?

God is answering this prayer

Remember you asked God for break throughs? 

Like for Isaac to sleep through the night because he would wake up 2-3 times a night and start playing very loud and you had broken sleep for 6 straight years?

He sleeps through the night now doesn’t he? Yes.

I have learned to be content.

I find myself fighting with myself.

On one hand I am thrilled at all the break throughs and miraculous answers to prayer God has moved mightily in Isaac’s life. I am so full of joy.

On the other hand…Isaac still has autism and some days and/or moments are hard.

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.

I stopped and meditated on this verse. I tried to put myself in Paul’s shoes.

He was shipwrecked, persecuted, imprisoned, stoned, hungry, cold…etc.

I have learned to be content. Phil 4:11

Then I meditated on the word “learn” My husband is a teacher and we always talk about the learning process.

That’s it!!!

It’s a process…I have learned to be content. It’s not like a light bulb. It’s a daily sacrificial learning. 

Some days are great and I am learning to be content. Somedays are hard and I have to re-learn to be content. I will get there…I will with God’s grace say like Paul “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances”

It’s a learning process. We “LEARN” how to be content by reminding ourselves of God’s character (through His names) and by meditating on His promises.

I have learned to be content.

I like the ESV

"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content."

May we put the enemy in his place. 

May we tell our emotions- NO. I am not going there..I am not going to feel sorry about this circumstance 

I am going to learn to be content and in that state I find JOY in His presence!

Olivia blessed my heart. She said her friends were arguing and she did not change her mood. She continued to try to crack jokes and stay calm. “Why are you so nice?” they asked her. “I am just trying to be like my mom. Even when situations are hard…she stays happy” she said.

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstance. If my daughter is learning this and putting it into practice all I can say is Glory to God. Wow, what a Great God we serve!